The Keys To A Turned On Relationship with Alicia Davon

AmandaTesta (00:02):

Hello, and welcome to the Find Your Feminine Fire podcast. I am your host, Amanda Testa. I am a sex love and relationship coach, and in this podcast, my guests and I talk sex love and relationships and everything that lights you up from the inside out. Welcome.

If you are wanting to bring back the chemistry and inspiration in your relationship, then you're going to love this episode because we're going to be talking about bringing back the spark, even when life is crazy, even when you've got kids pulling your attention away from your relationship and just being on that treadmill and feeling like your relationship has gone to the back burner. We are going to be talking about some ways to really bring back the spark and chemistry in your relationship. And I am very thrilled today because I'm going to be talking with relationship expert Alicia Davon and we are going to be talking about what you can do to bring back the spark when it feels like maybe it's impossible sometimes. So welcome. Welcome, Alicia, Thank you so much for being here.

Alicia Davon (00:58):

Yeah. It's great to be here. Thanks for having me.

Amanda Testa (01:01):

And I'd love just to start with sharing a little bit, but if you wouldn't mind about, you know, what led you to be so passionate about this work? I know you've been doing this for over 20 years and you've got such great experience along with your partner as well. And I'd love to just hear a little bit more about your inspiration for what you do.

Alicia Davon (01:18):

Sure. Yeah. Well, I was very fortunate to grow up in a really awesome home. I have great parents. It was very stable. I have a younger brother, I had a good, good childhood. You know, it didn't come with without its challenges and that sort of thing. But I grew up with a very positive sense of the world and of people and have relationships on the whole. And you might say that it was a little bit of a bubble kind of sheltered. I didn't have a lot of life worldly experience when I went off to college. And so when I went to college, even though I was just two hours away from where I had lived in LA, I went to school in Santa Barbara. It was a shock, it was a huge shock to be in a place where I didn't get to come home to a warm, loving home after class every day.

Alicia Davon (02:03):

And I didn't necessarily have the friends that I had grown up with and then all of this, right? So I had kind of a crisis and ended up going into therapy and little by little following the path to working with women and really connecting with women and our power that we have in romantic relationship. You know, I witnessed my parents have a really great relationship. They still do. And there was like a passion and a fire that I wanted in my romantic relationships. And so I discovered that, you know, through starting to work with women, starting to learn about sexuality and it led me to where I am now working with my husband. Erwan, we've been together for almost 20 years. He created our organization 10 years before we met. So when I met him, he was already doing this and I just thought it was the coolest thing in the world.

AmandaTesta (02:52):

And I'm wondering too, I'm sure even in your own relationship, as we all, you know, when you work together and live together in life together, I'm wondering, you know, what are some of the things that you have implemented in your own relationship through, you know, to kind of get through those times where you feel like everything's crazy and you're more challenged to make the relationship a priority.

Alicia Davon (03:12):

So nobody's immune to the challenges that come with having a long-term relationship, adding kids into the mix for many people, then you put on top of it, the pandemic and work and financial issues and whatever health issues, stuff that we deal with on a day-to-day basis. And I can remember a moment when our, it was a little bit after our son was born maybe a month or two in and Erwan and I looked at each other and we're like, oh my God, this is so much more intense than we thought it was going to be. And even as relationship experts and coaches, and we thought we were all prepared and yes, some of the preparation helped, but we really had to do work to keep our relationship on the front burner. Because even without kids, there's a drift, there's a drift to immediacy, to presence, to intimacy, to connection going on the back burner and putting other things that are important. You know, like kids like jobs like health, but putting all of those way before really the source of the relationship, which is the romance. And

AmandaTesta (04:18):

I think it can be so challenging sometimes, especially now after the pandemic. I mean, depending on where you are, some kids are back in school, some aren't I know as kids age and you have different challenges with finding time for each other and you sometimes feel like there's never alone time. So I'd love if you might want to share your perspective on that too. Yeah.

Alicia Davon (04:37):

Yes. Yeah. It's, it's really one of those things. Like you can learn all of the essential skills in the world and like, if you don't have time and space to practice them and to really be with your partner, then none of it really makes a difference. And it seems really, really hard. Like I remember when I was a senior in high school and I had this really incredible teacher for English, Mr. Poe, perfect name. And he would always have these POeisms, like all these wise things, he would say that make you think. And one thing he said was, life is a piece of hard sided luggage. If you want to put something into it, you have to take something out. And that's really how it is with our romantic lives and our intimate lives with our partners. It can seem like we don't have any time and we are very busy, but if we make the choice in our heart to make it a priority, then we will now for example, this is like a kind of more downer example.

Alicia Davon (05:39):

But look, let's say you break your leg and then you have to go into physical therapy and you have to rehabilitate it. You're going to make time every day to do the exercises. Because if you don't, you won't be able to walk properly. Now that's urgent. We don't often see our romantic relationships as urgent. We see them as they're important, but not urgent until it gets urgent. You know, when someone's threatening divorce. So you realize, oh my God, I'm really unhappy. You don't have to let it get to that point. If you take care of it and devote time. And I'm not saying it has to be two hours a day, but prioritizing what Erwan and I call what you were creating. Pleasure time, you know, it could be 20 minutes a day, half hour, a day. And something else has to give, not saying your kids are going to be any worse off. They're probably be better off. Even if they have a babysitter or you leave them at school an extra half hour or aftercare or whatever it is. We're all in different situations. Maybe a little more, less work gets done prioritization.

AmandaTesta (06:37):

That's so key. It's funny because I actually did just break my ankle and that has been quite the journey. We've my husband and I have had our fair share of health issues this past year, which is interesting, but also realizing too that I think, like you say, like building those foundations in a good relationship to be able to kind of weather the winter seasons and all the things that happen can be so important. And I think too, like you said, it, doesn't, it's kind of checking in and realizing how happy are you? Like, are you getting your needs met? Do you feel on a day-to-day basis that you're, you're happy because I think that's often what happens is you get so busy just in the day-to-day going through the routines that you don't add in that very important routine of connecting with the person next to you in the bed.

Alicia Davon (07:22):

Yes. And it can be challenging, you know? And because on one level, yes, it's about the time and oh my God, we're so busy. But if you look a little deeper, it is often more of an intimacy and intimacy issue. Like it's funny because we could be with our partners for years and you think, well, we've been together for so long, gone through so much. It's easy to be intimate. That many couples find like, oh, I feel awkward, you know, or a wow. Like we haven't really, you know, intimately connected in months or maybe years, or like my body is different now. Or like, I don't know, you know? So we, we can have these insecurities that are very normal, very human. And then we just sort of turn away from them and then, oh, there's the next thing. And let's focus on the remodel and oh my God, I have to check Facebook and oops time to pick up the kids. It's never ending. So you, if you want to, you have to be the one to be like, okay, we're dealing with this. And then that sometimes comes along with facing a little discomfort and awkwardness and you know, that kind of thing. So that's normal. If anybody listening is kind of feeling that way.

AmandaTesta (08:28):

Yeah. And I think sometimes it can feel so overwhelming. I know oftentimes with my clients, they talk about everything, but the one thing they don't talk about is their sexuality, or, you know, their sex life or things like that. Things that they, everything else they can talk about. But that's the one area often that feels more challenging. And I think, you know, what's so beautiful about it is everything is a learned skill and there's ways to overcome anything if you have the desire to do so. And I think that's, what's so powerful about working on your relationship and investing time and energy there because it is the type of thing where if anything, you want it to flourish, you have to take care of it. You have to water it and nourish it. And this relationship isn't no different. And so, you know, one of the things that I find so fascinating and often is very eye-opening for people to understand is how sometimes when, you know, there'll be certain patterns that repeat again and again, in our relationships. And maybe there are things that have been carried over from our childhood or our previous experiences, but I'm wondering, you know, with the way that you work with couples or women in this fashion, like what would be some things that you see a lot and what are some ways that you can kind of work through those patterns?

Alicia Davon (09:36):

It's a really, really great question. So Erwan, and I have, we've been working with both singles and couples for the last 25 years, and we've developed a method called the Davon method. And the purpose of it is to support both singles and couples in creating amazing romantic lives and sex lives. So that's like the bigger picture and there's five parts. The first part is what you just mentioned. So that's why I'm bringing in the method, I'll list the five parts, but then I'll go into what you just asked. So the first part we call consciousness, which is bringing awareness to our hidden relationship patterns that we're bringing in from the past, from our childhood, from past experiences. Usually we're bringing those experiences in like unbeknownst to us, you know, like we think it's the truth that we can't trust anybody. men are like this or women are like that, or that look meant that they're mad at me or they never do.

Right. It's like we walk around with these experiences, but we're really seeing life through a template. And that template we call your relationship blueprint was created when we were really little and those are our patterns, right? So bringing awareness, so they're not driving things and we can kind of stop wondering, like, why do I keep ending up in the same situation? Why do I keep feeling this same way in all of my relationships? So I'll come back to that. The second part is making contact with your deeper self, whatever you want to call that could be your spirit or your soul or your being like that part of us that exists beyond our automatic patterns. The third part of the method is then chemistry. You know, once you're kind of clear it out. And how do you create chemistry between the masculine and feminine? The fourth part is called choreography, which is all about dancing through the stages of relationship learning skills to succeed.

Alicia Davon (11:27):

And then the fifth part is cultivation cultivating your sexual potential. So those are the different places we take our students through all in the name of having successful romantic relationships and the psychological piece, those patterns is really, it's like, it's so important. It's the heavy lifting. It's the part that sometimes we don't want to go into because it can be painful or it can be mysterious, but we really like to approach it as not necessarily analyzing everything that happened in the past, but just looking at your present experience. Like here you are, you're with your partner, you're feeling abandoned or you're feeling alone, or you're feeling resentful, or you don't feel you can trust them or whatever it is. Wow. Like feeling that, where do you feel that in your body, where does that feeling come from? What's happening? Like getting intimate with our own psychological experience in the moment. It doesn't mean that like all of it is from the past. You know, some of it is probably has to do with the present, but if you can really get close to your own experience, you have a better chance of like, not just projecting it or lashing out or disappearing and avoiding or just trying to make it all okay. But you can bring it out into the light.

AmandaTesta (12:44):

I find that to be such a beautiful way to tune it and a great way to get into the present moment. Right? When you feel like your partner is doing something and you are triggered beyond belief and you're about to lose it, it's like not minute before, it'd be like letting it all unleash, like, okay, what is happening in my body right now? Okay. I feel this burning heat in my chest that wants to go somewhere. Right. It's the, it's such an interesting thing to tune inwardly like that, that most of us don't always, well, we've never been taught to do, first of all, most of us, right.

Alicia Davon (13:13):

We've been taught and now we're very guided to look outward, you know, with technology and social media and just distraction coming inside is like a, it's like a holy act, you know, to be like, wait or, you know, take back our energy, take back our awareness and just feel what's here.

AmandaTesta (13:31):

And sometimes even just taking those couple of seconds to do that, it just activates a different part of your brain. That can be more problem solving and kind of see things from a more observant perspective versus just that wanting to express whatever you're feeling in the moment. Yes. Without regard to what might happen after you do that.

Alicia Davon (13:50):

Exactly. There's a difference between kind of like in the moment communication and like dumping or venting or blaming or whatever. And none of those things are crimes, but our relationships just work better when we have that awareness.

AmandaTesta (14:04):

And so then I'm wondering, you know, after you are, after you have that awareness and you're able to kind of, you have the consciousness, you have that ability to tune in, you know, it sounds like that piece of taking time with yourself too, is a big part of it for both parties. Right. I'd love if you would share more about that.

Alicia Davon (14:24):

And do you mean taking time to yourself? Do you mean sensually or do you mean just with yourself as you are?

AmandaTesta (14:31):

So you work together, but also individually, right?

Alicia Davon (14:35):

Yes. It's interesting because we work with a lot of both singles and couples, and even when couples come to work with us, it's a very individual journey because you have so much to do with why your relationship is going the way that going, I'm not talking blame or anything like that. But if you can really like, oh, what's happening for me? Like, what am I bringing into this relationship? Especially as women, we have so much power to influence our romantic relationship situation. That's kind of our department as women, the romantic, the sensual, the sexual. And we have a lot of power. I mean, I notice all the time, you know, if I'm in kind of a funky mood and I'm like, okay, and I'm doing my own thing, or maybe I'm working. And then I go out of the office and I see Erwan and the way I interact with him has everything to do with how the interaction goes.

Alicia Davon (15:30):

You know, if I go out and I'm kind of like being short with him or like just, and I'm annoyed and it's not even him, it's just me. It's like my state. Then he gets a little hurt and like, you know, then it's all a as opposed to, if I'm like, wow, okay, I'm agitated. You know, like I'm tense. And then deliberately, deliberately can be like, Hey babe, or, oh God, you know, I'm so annoyed or this thing happened or I'm feeling tense right now. Then he has the opportunity to be compassionate and ask what happened. And it's all a choice, you know, I'm not saying it has to be nicey nice all the time. You know, that drives us nuts, but just being responsible for that.

AmandaTesta (16:07):

And I'm wondering, you know, what, what helps you to do that? What helps you to make that choice?

Alicia Davon (16:11):

Yes, that is like the hugest question ever. It's the hugest question. It's for me realizing that I have, and this goes for everybody, you know, anybody listening to this, I have the power to influence the way that things go. I'm not talking like I can control the whole world and what's happening, but in my own experience and my own relationship, there's a power. There's also it's responsibility to there's that quote, you know, with great power comes great responsibility. But when you're willing to take that and not be victimized by, oh, this person's this way, the weather's this way, whatever is this way. So I'm going to be this way, you know, I'm going to, I'm going to give it to them or I'm going to be snippy or I'm this and that. But you're like, oh, I have a say in how this, goes right now, then you have a choice, but the only way you even have that is if you have that awareness of what's going on inside of you, you know, if you've stopped and you've said, oh, I'm tense.

Oh, it's happening? Oh yeah. I wanna blame. Like, I, I wanna, you know, I, I spoke, I saw this hilarious, you who Brene brown is you must now she did. She's so great. And she did this hilarious, like cartoony sketch thing about blame. And it shows her like carrying a cup of coffee and her husband's name is Steve. And she spills the coffee. And her first thought is God, Steve. And Steve, like, wasn't even there, you know? But like as human beings, we just like blame the first person that is next to us. And it's just a human tendency. So becoming aware of those tendencies, you know, back to the consciousness and you know, oh, I have a choice. And sometimes we have to go through like difficult situation after difficult situation to realize like, oh, I am actually playing a big part in creating this. What do I really want here?

Amanda Testa(18:10):

That's such a great question. What do I really want

Alicia Davon (18:11):

Here? Yes. Sometimes you've got to go through a lot of like crappy interactions and then being like, oops, that was kind of a jerk there. Or like, oops. And not beating ourselves up. Right. We're human, but it's just kind of like, what do you want, what do you want? You know? And it's the same thing with the time issue of making enough time, like everyone. And I have time every single day for our intimate relationship. It's not super long, like half an hour. And like half the time, I'm kind of like drawn to my computer and drawn to Instagram and I just want to zone out and it's okay, well, what do I want? You know, that helps.

AmandaTesta (18:47):

Yeah. And like you say, leaving some things on done sometimes.

Alicia Davon (18:51):

Yes.

AmandaTesta (18:53):

Right. And I'm wondering too, you know? Okay. So you've made this choice and you really are aware of kind of what's happening and you made the choice that you are committed to bringing back the chemistry and like putting the time in. So what would you suggest are some ways to start kind of bringing back the spark, especially maybe if it's been awhile or if you've been in an extended winter, what would you, what would you say?

Alicia Davon (19:14):

Yes. So to make this really concrete, cause it's like, okay, these are nice ideas, but like, what do we do? You know? So when we work with couples, I often say, okay, the first thing is you need to create the time. So that would be blocking off however much time, however many days a week, you can for just each other. And Erwan, and I train our students in four practices that are really great to do daily, if you can, but you don't have to burden yourself with having to do all these daily, but we recommend that I'll list them all. But then I'm going to go into two of them that are particularly good for when you're with your partner. So the first practice is meditation. The second practice is psychological inquiry. The third practice is body practice and the fourth practice sensual practice. So just for the sake of time, I'll elaborate on two of these psychological inquiry is it can be done on your own or with a partner.

Alicia Davon (20:14):

Erwan and I do this together three times a week and we do it for 20 minutes total, like not very long in the evening. What psychological inquiry is, is a time where you really go inward and you explore your experience like, Hmm. You know, right now I'm feeling, you know, kind of grouchy and like, wow. But I feel this like, you know, fullness in my heart and wow. And this thing happened today and this is how I feel about it. And you know, you're just shutting off the outside, going inside, doing that with a partner can be really great because often you're just communicating outward logistical stuff. So like, we'll set the timer for 10 minutes. And for 10 minutes I have the floor. It's not really a time to like air grievances about the relationship necessarily. Cause the other person can't respond or just listening to, you know, like sharing things like, oh, I'm feeling this way and that way, and it can be about the relationship or not.

And then the dinger goes off 10 minutes and then it's his turn. And we might choose a topic for the inquiry. Like last night, our topic was appreciations, which was very positive. And so you do this with your partner, you know, once, twice, three times a week and you get out of the doing and into the being so that’s psychological inquiry, then there's sensual practice. So there's many couples maybe who are listening are like, yeah, I'd like to get my sex life going back again or get that chemistry. And it's been a while, you know, maybe it's been months, maybe it's been years, that's normal. It's normal to feel like, okay, I'm not just going to jump in bed and have intercourse like that. I don't know. I'm like not turned on or that would be awkward or something. So we've designed 12 touching practices that couples can use.

Alicia Davon (21:58):

And they range from like, non-sexual clothed. For example, one person lays on the bed on their back and the other person sits up by their side and puts their hands on the partner. Who's laying down their chest and their abdomen. And you've got like new age music playing in the background and candles. And you're just like, ahh you can just rest and like relax and feel your partner's touch. And the practices can progress to maybe more sensual touch and can even get more sexual. And it's a nice thing to do on its own or as a stepping stone to more sensual interaction. So things like these touching practices and the psychological inquiry, you know, you might feel like, Ooh, this is cheesy or awkward, or we've never done something like this, but starting to just play with that can get you back into that, that physical, emotional, and then eventually kind of more sensual space with your partner

AmandaTesta (23:00):

And these practices can be fun, actually, if you have an open mind about it, because usually it just might be interacting in a way that you're not used to or different, which kind of that element of newness or something unique can feel good to do together.

Alicia Davon (23:15):

It really, really can. I mean, we have videos on it and we train people in it and stuff. So people can, who live, who are listening, who want that can totally get that from us. And it is their fun. It is. So it can be very surprising just after five minutes of this nice touching. You're like, ah, you feel good? Hi honey. You know, it, it's just, it's their magical,

AmandaTesta (23:40):

I think too, just having that experience of not having to have an outcome around it, right. Can just take turns being with one another. And there's, there's not the pressure which can help your nervous system. Just be like, ah, okay. Yeah.

Alicia Davon (23:54):

Yes, exactly. I like that. You just soften and it's common that that one partner might be like, I want to have such, you know, it's been so long, you know, and that's okay. And that's sometimes it's, if it's in a man woman relationship that maybe be the man and the woman's life, wait, I need emotional connection to like warm up and I don't want to feel pressured and maybe the man doesn't want to feel, so it's exactly what you're saying. It's like pleasure orientation as opposed to goal orientation.

AmandaTesta (24:23):

And I'm wondering too, what would you say if someone is listening and they're like, well, these all sound like great ideas. Like where where's the best place to start? What would you say?

Alicia Davon (24:33):

Yes. So the best place to start would be just right where you are. Like, if you're finding yourself in a situation where you're like, oh my God, we haven't even talked about intimacy for months and years and the kids are gone or they're older. Or like, whatever, just start talking about that. Like just say, Hey, I'd love to connect more or Hey, what do you think about that? You know, I miss you, you want to be positive about it. You know, complaining doesn't really yield great results. It's better than no communication, but you might just start by saying something to your partner and are you open to, I don't know, like learning some new ways to connect. Maybe you are learning ways to connect or you're like kind of getting into it, but you're not really sure what to do then maybe you'll contact us and get the touching practice video. And then you can learn from there. It's like, you need to start where you're where you are. And sometimes where you are is like not having talked about it at all. So then you want to just broach the conversation.

AmandaTesta (25:38):

Right. And I think too, like, even if you are having great sex and you are really connected, you can always deepen that.

Alicia Davon (25:43):

Oh yes. And if there does not be a problem there, it could be about expansion.

AmandaTesta (25:49):

Yeah. And I would, I'm curious too, for you, what would be one, one of your favorite ways that you love to connect to now, you had mentioned you have many, you've got your four that you recommend that you do, but for you personally, is there anything that you just always as your go-to?

Alicia Davon (26:04):

Yes. I mean, well Erwan, and I have our time in our calendar it's every morning at nine 15. And we it's just the best because we get now, our schedule is so interesting because we have a five-year-old, you know, so he gets up really early and I have to get them off to school and this and that, and Erwan like stays up late and sleeps in. Then we've got a whole thing. So I get back into bed with him after I get home. And then we do our essential practice and I just love it. Cause he's usually like dead to the world, just woke up. So I'll do a little, we call it deep touch on him, where I just put like hand on heart, hand on abdomen. And he's like, uh, you know, it's really nice. And then like, we'll cuddle for a little bit. And then it just progresses into, we have an extended orgasm practice, which is a specialty of ours. It's a clitoral stroking practice, which I don't know that we'll get into today. But it's, it's a something that we train people in. We'll often practice that and it'll lead to other sex acts or it doesn't. And we just have a little routine going And even though it's a little different every day, it's just the yummiest. It's the best.

AmandaTesta (27:09):

I think one of the things that's fun for any of you out there who may be working from home and out. I know my husband is still working from him too. And there are some benefits to that because it's like getting the creative juices flowing around connection. Right? Like you say, if you make it a priority, then you'll make it happen somehow some way. And so we just have that as a priority of sometime during the day. And it might have to change the time because our schedules are all over the place, but we just know, okay, we'll make time to connect at some point. Right. And we do try to do like a little morning coffee talk every morning around seven 30, just to spend 10 minutes, like just checking in which that is a huge thing. Even if I can get that in like some type of regular connection, that's just to be in, like you say, not like, here's what we're doing today, or let's talk about these things. It's just to like sit and chat up, like all the to-do list or here's what I need from you or that kind of thing.

Alicia Davon (28:03):

It sounds very nurturing and relaxing. And it's so nice that it's a ritual.

AmandaTesta (28:08):

Yeah. But I think that's the thing that if you can find these creative ways, like maybe you're both working from home or maybe like you say, it's like getting the kid to play with a neighbor or a friend, or maybe they watch a little movie and you go upstairs, whatever.

Alicia Davon (28:20):

It's not a crime, you know, it's, it's really it's to prioritize. And it's in the w in the regarding kids. It's good for them. This is my experience. It's good for kids to see parents connecting, obviously, you know, appropriately, but just for them to know, oh, my parents have their own thing going, you know, my parents are the center of this life. And kids always fight to be the center of attention and that's totally age appropriate and everything, depending on their age, I have a five-year-old. So I can say that, but they really do like to see, you know, for parents that are together raising their kids in the same home, the bond, and to know that like, oh, they're, they're doing their thing. That it's good for them.

Amanda Testa (29:00):

Right. This is like a random thought that just popped into my head. But I know people often pass me about this and it's around feeling, feeling, shame around being sexual when you have kids, right. Because, it could be all kinds of things. There's numerous things that come up. But I'm curious for you, what could you share around that? Because I do hear that often.

Alicia Davon (29:18):

Yes. It's very multilayered. So I explored this a lot after I had my son, because, so the shame, so one piece of it, and this is from my own, my own experience and also my own work with other parents of young kids, there seems to be for a lot of women, this challenge of identity, you know, when you have a child, you know, whether you've birthed the child or adopted the child. But I think particularly if you've birthed the child where you're kind of like, okay, I'm a mom, you know, and I'm devoted to keeping this being alive. Can I be a mom and be a sexual being like, I don't know, like, it seems almost like to con to conflict or, oh, am I betraying my children if I'm going off and being sexual and giving, you know, my attention or my body to someone else, or there can be some interesting psychological stuff.

Alicia Davon (30:15):

And most of these things go on unconsciously. So like on the level of awareness where like, oh, I just don't want to, you know, or I'm not interested or I'm tired, or I don't feel like it sometimes of course there's fatigue obviously, but there's that there can be body image issues. Our genitals may have changed shape. They may not feel as good, especially in the beginning, our bodies on the whole change when we are pregnant and give birth to kids, sometimes it never goes back. Sometimes it does. There's hormonal changes. So there's a lot of feelings that go along with that. And then to layer on top of it, this is a topic we talk about a lot in our mastery of relationship, class, female, sexual psychology, which basically the bottom line of it is that we as women to some degree or another, have a split between our sexual selves and our non-sexual selves.

Alicia Davon (31:11):

So like for every woman, there is a place where we're like sexual, you know, like we have desires and we want, we want to and returned on and we're interested in sex. And then there's a part of us. That's like, it's a no-no, you know, like it's a, no-no because of what I was taught in religious school or what I was taught by my parents, or I've had really nasty experiences around my sexuality. So it's better just to shut it off. Cause it's dangerous cultural messages. So that can come along with a lot of shame when you're kind of like, okay, I really want something, but I'm not supposed to. And so there's a lot to unpack there, but that's like the high level list of what can cause shame, actuality,

AmandaTesta (31:58):

There's so much there, there really is. And there's, you know, and I think too, like you say, what I always try to connect to is that it's a natural, normal part of our existence as human animals, right. We're animals. And that if you, if your kids see you prioritizing a relationship and having pleasure and enjoying your life, then that will inspire them for what's possible for them. And I think, you know, it's normal to, I think sometimes people also have a hard time maybe showing affection in front other kids or whatever it might be. But I think it really does serve it, serves them to see you. It helps them feel secure when they see their caregivers are secure. Right. I think so. Anyways. Yeah. 

Alicia Davon (32:39):

Agree from my own personal experience and what I've seen, you know, I would definitely agree with that. Yeah.

AmandaTesta (32:45):

Well, I feel like I could talk to you forever, but I'd love to, you know, just to share it a little bit more where everyone can find you and how they can learn more about you.

Alicia Davon (32:53):

Sure. Yes. Thank you. I know we, I can talk to you forever as well. So for those of you who are listening and thank you might be interested in learning more about working with us. I recommend setting up a free Lovelife consultation. So I'm offering that to those of you listening. And that's a private conversation with me with you. It can be on zoom. It can be on the phone and we'll get personal. You can tell me whatever you want about your relationship, life, your sex life challenges, goals. You can ask me questions, I'll coach you a little bit. And then if it looks like Erwan and I can support you further, then I'll lay out the different options that we have to work with. People I'll make a recommendation as to which I think would be the best fit based on your goals. We have all sorts of ways.

Alicia Davon (33:40):

You know, we have our most popular program is called mastery of relationship. It's online group coaching class. We have private coaching. We have weekend intensives. We have all sorts of things. So you can set up the love life consultation. The easiest way to do that is to text us. I'll get the text, the number's 4 1 5 3 0 8 9 5 8 0 that's 4 1 5 3 0 8 9 5 8 0. And just mention the podcast that you want this consultation, and then we'll schedule it. And then Amanda also give you a link for people to click. If they prefer to just fill out a form. And then anybody who sets up the consultation, I'll send you a free video of the five keys to a successful relationship. So you'll have that to chew on. And our website is pleasurecourse.com

AmandaTesta (34:34):

And I'll make sure to put all that in the show notes as well. And so, as we close, I'd love to just know if there's any last words you'd like to share. Or if perhaps there was a question that I didn't ask and you wished I would have asked.

Alicia Davon (34:45):

Yeah, no, you're great. You know, you, you asked all sorts of great questions and I don't think there's anything left. And I look forward to chatting further with anybody who contacts me. I've really appreciated being here. Thank you so much again for being here. You're welcome.

AmandaTesta (35:00):

And I will look forward to sharing in the show notes. We're going to connect with you and thank you for listening next week.

AmandaTesta (35:08):

Thank you so much for listening to the find your feminine fire podcast. This is your host, Amanda Testa. And if you have felt a calling while listening to this podcast to take this work to a deeper level, this is your golden invitation. I invite you to reach out. You can contact meat www.amandatesta.com/activate/ , and we can have a heart to heart to discuss more about how this work can transform your life. You can also join us on Facebook and the group find your feminine group. And if you've enjoyed this podcast, please share with your friends, go to iTunes and give me a five star rating and a raving review. So I can connect with other amazing listeners like yourself. Thank you so much for being a part of the community.