JOIN IN THE DISCUSSION ON THIS EPISODE AND MORE IN MY FREE FACEBOOK GROUP, FIND YOUR FEMININE FIRE HERE.

Susan Bratton’s insightful wisdom blends the three interlocking circles of passionate lovemaking techniques, bedroom communication skills, and sexual regenerative healing.

People around the world, of all ages, and across the gender spectrum follow Susan’s straight-talking, fearless advice to experience the kind of intimacy that appreciates over time.

Intimacy expert to millions, Susan Bratton is a champion and advocate for all those who desire intimacy and passion their whole life long. She is co-founder and CEO of two corporations: Personal Life Media, Inc., a publisher of heart-connected lovemaking techniques and bedroom communication skills, and The20, LLC., a manufacturer of organic and botanical supplements that enhance sexual vitality.

Susan is the best-selling author and publisher of 34 books and programs including “Sexual Soulmates,” “Relationship Magic,” “Revive Her Drive,” Ravish Him,” “Steamy Sex Ed™,” “The Passion Patch,” “Hormone Balancing,” and “Hot To Trot.”

She has been featured in the New York Times and on CNBC and the TODAY show as well as frequent appearances on ABC, CBS, The CW, Fox, and NBC.

You can find The Susan Bratton Show® at BetterLover.com, her personal shares on Instagram @susanbratton, and her lust-for-life supplements, FLOW and DESIRE at The20store.com.  Also check out https://gainswave.com/ and https://gainswave.com/

https://femiwave.com/.

Susan holds a Bachelor of Science in Business Administration from the University of Phoenix, where she graduated with honors. She also completed post-graduate studies at Stanford University Business School.

Susan is a member of Vintage TED (the original group of TEDsters), Women of Sex Tech, Mindshare Collaborative, and FlightClub Mastermind. A coral chaser, she earned her scuba certification and has done over 50 dives.

As a Barbizon-trained model, Susan did mannequin modeling in department stores to put herself through college. She became a multi-millionaire by age 37, lost everything, then went on to rebuild her business with incredible success.

Her core expertise lies in the intersection between passionate lovemaking techniques and bedroom communication skills. She has studied extensively what makes intimacy truly passionate, surrendered, and connected, and she boils down those skills to simple practices anyone can use to achieve profoundly pleasurable results.

Learn more at SusanBratton.com and The20Store.com.

Want more support? Schedule a confidential 1-1 call with Amanda here.

Have a topic or question you'd like Amanda to address on a future episode? Submit it on this anonymous form.

If you liked this episode, please consider giving me a 5 Star Review on Apple Podcasts! It truly does help the podcast grow. 

EPISODE 237: with Susan Bratton

[Fun, Empowering Music]

Amanda Testa: Hello, and welcome to the Find Your Feminine Fire podcast. I am your host, Amanda Testa. I am a sex, love, and relationship coach, and in this podcast, my guests and I talk sex, love, and relationships, and everything that lights you up from the inside out. Welcome!

If you are looking for fun ways to make your sex life more passionate, more connected, and more satisfying, you are gonna love today’s episode ‘cause I am talking with one of my friends, and just the most amazing human, Susan Bratton. She’s an intimacy expert for millions, and she has just really spent her career on cultivating ways for people to have these tools, to have better connection, to have this amazing sex, and she is just a bundle of joy to be around, too. So welcome, welcome. I’m so happy to be talking with you again today, Susan.

Susan Bratton: I woke up like, “I get to talk to Amanda!” I was all excited this morning. I put my bright red top on. I’m feeling so good ‘cause I just love to spend time with you!

1:00

Every moment I spend with you is just joy for me. I just love you so much and your gorgeous husband. You’re just the best.

Amanda Testa: Thank you so much. I feel the same about you!

Susan Bratton: [Laughs]

Amanda Testa: And I always love how you are so good at keeping things playful and fun and exciting as we move through life, and I love, love, love that you're always innovating and coming up with something new because it can be so easy to get stuck in the same ole same ole in all areas of your life, right?

Susan Bratton: Yeah.

Amanda Testa: Whether it’s work or sex or your relationship, whatever. And you're always keepin’ it fresh, and I’m so inspired by you.

Susan Bratton: I am having the best sex of my life right now. Holy shit, I’m having such a good sex life right now. I’m 61! I turned 61 -- well, I invited you to my birthday party. I know you couldn't come. It was no problem at all. I know you were traveling, but 61 and I am crushing it! [Laughs]

Amanda Testa: Yes! Okay, so let’s talk more about this because, tell me, what are some of the things you think that are helping you have such awesome sex right now?

Susan Bratton: Mm, well, I think a lot of it is the experimentation that I’m doing that helps me write the techniques that I write.

Amanda Testa: Yeah.

2:06

Susan Bratton: So, I think a bit part of the reason why I keep saying, “I’m having the best sex of my life,” every year is a combination of two things. Number one, it’s constant trying new stuff, noticing what’s working, turning it into ideas for my fans to try themselves, little insights into, “Oh, hey, we did this thing. I have some techniques I want to tell you about.”

One of the things I’ve been working on is something I call “Makin’ Whoopee 2.0,” and it’s really intercourse techniques. I’ve really been focused on how to get a woman to cum from intercourse. And, you know, you had Dr. Laurie Mintz on recently, and she was the one that came up with the whole orgasm gap, right? And I like to help people cross the “gasm chasm”. I want to close the gap because what really chaps my ass big time, Amanda, is all the sexperts out there saying, “Women struggle to have orgasms from intercourse, and you need to make sure you touch the clit (like the tip of the clit, the glands, you know?), and you can’t expect her to have orgasms --,” and I’m like, that’s so wrong! What the hell are you saying?

3:22

All women can have orgasms from intercourse. It is a learned skill. Nobody was born knowing how to do it. Some people it comes to more naturally than others for various reasons, but when a woman thinks, “Oh, I guess I’m just not the kinda woman who can have orgasms from intercourse,” and then her male-bodied partner is like, “Well, I guess she’s not. I mean, if she doesn't think she can, she can’t, I guess.” And then they give up on it, and then they're having quote, unquote “sex,” and sex in his mind is intercourse, right? In her mind it’s like the patriarchal view of sex is sex is intercourse.

3:58

So, here you go. You’ve got a couple that thinks she can’t have orgasms from intercourse and that sex is intercourse. Well, how the hell long is she gonna want to have intercourse? What stories is she gonna make up in her mind being sexually dissatisfied at the core of her being ‘cause her yoni knows it ain’t no good. And so, she’s gotta do all this propping-up of her mind frame to keep having intercourse with a guy who doesn't even think she can have orgasms. She doesn't think she can have them. And it just makes me crazy because I want every sexpert in the world to be like, “Girl, let’s show you how to learn how to do it.”

Amanda Testa: Yes.

Susan Bratton: Let’s close that gap! Let’s cross that gasm chasm! And that’s what I spend a lot of time doing is -- people don't know how to have intercourse.

Amanda Testa: Right.

Susan Bratton: People know how to make a baby, but literally he does not know what to do with that penis besides [Rocking Sounds] in-and-out, in-and-out like it’s a piston. We don't like that kind of friction, right?

5:06

Especially in older women, we don't like that constant chafing of the introital sphincter, and, sure, of course, every girl likes a good pounding when she’s super warmed up and really turned on. I’m not saying that’s not one thing, but there’s, like, a dozen techniques for intercourse - things she can do, things he can do, things they can do. So I’ve been writing a lot about that. So that’s what one thing is. I’m constantly experimenting, noticing, trying, and writing things.

Then the second piece for me is this whole sexual biohacking which is revering the atrophy, loss of lubrication, etcetera of aging so that I have the most incredible, fluffy, velvety, soft, lubricated, responsive, activated, delicious, sensitive, orgasmic yoni (as in vulva, as in our whole genital system).

6:07

Honestly, my vulva is more delicious, more activated, more everything then it was when I was 30 years old (half my age). I’m having better orgasms. I know how to orgasm better. I know how to take care of my vagina and my vulva. I spent tons of time trying the 20 different kinds of orgasms. That’s another thing I’ve been working on is documenting every single type of orgasm the body can have: locations to touch, specific orgasmic techniques (almost like yoga moves, yoga asanas or jujitsu forms or what have you, like how do you trigger orgasms in the body through specific techniques), and objects of desire. And objects of desire led me to how can a woman orgasmically cross train, how could a man orgasmically cross train so that they take the orgasm they have and turn it into a whole bunch of ways to orgasm so that when they're with a partner, they're not worried about orgasming at all because they’ve done a lot of the work to teach their body, to activate their body to have orgasms.

7:12

So this is the stuff that’s going on in my world right now.

Amanda Testa: Well, I know when you were on the podcast last time, we talked about the sexual cross training. So everyone will have to go back and listen. I’ll put the link to that in the show notes as well.

Susan Bratton: Okay, great.

Amanda Testa: This is maybe the fifth time you’ve been on? You are always like a treasure trove so I’m always happy when you want to come back.

Susan Bratton: I always want to be on your show! [Laughs]

Amanda Testa: One of the things that I think is important to talk about, because you and I know the benefits of exploring and learning and teaching your body how to really magnify its pleasure potential, because most people don't know that. And so, when you were talking about really opening your mind about what’s possible, because I think most people are just scratching the surface on what kind of pleasure they could actually really be having.

Susan Bratton: Yeah.

Amanda Testa: And so, I’m curious, for you, what keeps you inspired to keep trying? ‘Cause I think that is something that I hear a lot from my clients and people listening is that they want that but it feels like such work and they're already exhausted. So what do you say to those people?

8:07

Susan Bratton: Yeah. Well, there’s this threshold that you kind of crossover where you have a relationship with your partner that is so mutually supportive and easy, sexually, that the two of you just keep coming up with new things you want to try together. And so, you are sharing fantasies, and you're seeing things that trigger ideas or you’re just noticing something you did last time or a fantasy just comes up from within you that sounds really sexy. And so, it’s once you get to be the type of couple that wants to play together in the bedroom, wants to learn together, and knows that there’s an infinite amount of things you can learn together, that it never stops getting -- it’s funny.

9:02

When I first started doing my Expanded Orgasm practice (almost 20 years ago, now) -- Expanded Orgasm is one of those second kinds of orgasms, the technique that triggers a specific type of orgasm. I was doing it, and I was cumming so much that I was literally afraid that I was, I don't know, gonna not be able to work the next day. I was cumming for like an hour. I was seeing how long I could cum (like, for an hour at a time) and things like that.

I called my mentor, Dr. Patti Taylor, who taught my Expanded Orgasm practice and wrote expandherorgasmtonight.com which is our Expanded Orgasm practice for couples which, by the way, I don't know if you heard, but there’s a new documentary coming out about OneTaste, the orgasmic meditation sex cult, and the woman who started that cult, basically, what she taught was expanded orgasm. She just called it orgasmic meditation, but she comes from that same lineage that my expandherorgasmtonight program comes from.

10:03

Amanda Testa: Ooh, I can't wait to see that one.

Susan Bratton: It’s tomorrow night, and I can’t wait!

Amanda Testa: Ooh, okay! I love those.

Susan Bratton: They were under FBI investigation. Half my friends are like, “Oh, fuck. I hope I’m not in that video.” My friends are literally all sitting on pins and needles going, “Oh, man, if I’m in that…,” and I’m like I don't think that they would have you in the documentary. I literally rescued my best friend out of that sex cult. I literally went and got her out of that sex cult, so it’s so interesting how addictive great orgasms can be.

But when I was talking to my mentor, and I was doing this Expanded Orgasm practice with Tim, my husband, I called her one day, and I’m like, “I’m scared, Patti. I’m scared. I’m so far out in orgasmic outer space that I’m worried I’ll come untethered. I’m gonna get lost out there. I feel like I’m on the edge of a cliff, and if I step off, I step off into nothingness,” and she’s like, “Yeah, step off. Go. You’ll be fine. Yeah, it might take you a little while to recover from it, but go.”

11:05

And she taught me that, in sex, there’s always something more, and I have been joking lately that if sex were a brand, sex’s tagline would be, “Sex, there’s always something more.” [Laughs]

Amanda Testa: I love that! That’s so good.

Susan Bratton: Sex has a new tagline! [Laughs]

Amanda Testa: Oh, yes. There is always something more.

Susan Bratton: So when couples are like, “I’m so bored. I don't have the energy for this,” you don't have the energy for it because it’s not satisfying to you, because you're not having fun, ‘cause it’s work, because, frankly, your husband is horny everyday because men have three distinct competitive advantages in sex.

Number one: they get a massive bath of testosterone a couple times a day that makes them horndogs.

Number two: they’re biologically wired to masturbate everyday or so to keep their sperm fresh so they can pass on their species, and so, they're always masturbating and playing with their dicks and thinking about sexy stuff. We’re not.

12:02

We’re moon cycle girls, and there’s nothing wrong if you do masturbate everyday. I want people to masturbate everyday, but generally, women don't masturbate as much as men.

Number three: he’s got the benefits of fast-acting hemodynamics. If you really study orgasm, what you understand is that a big, big part of it is blood flow, engorgement, the clit -- which, by the way, if you took the clit out of your body and put it in your hand, it would fill up your palm. Your clit is not the tip. It’s this giant piece of meat inside your vulva, and that’s only one of your three erectile tissues since you’ve got the perineal sponge, you’ve got the urethral sponge, and you’ve got the clitoral body (which is the arms, the legs, the clit, the shaft) we need to have a clitoral erection. Guys get an erection like boop and they're ready to go, and they want intercourse. We want -- and they like this too, they just need to understand what we need -- we need 20 or 30 minutes to get that thing that looks like a little piece of liver, right? It’s like a little body thing, that has to fill with blood, and their penis fills so fast, and they're already horny, and they're always turned on.

13:08

They're ready to go, and we’re just slower. So the matriarchal view of sex is slow the fuck down. Sex isn’t intercourse. Sex is full-body massage. yoni massage. (I’ve got to tell you about yoni massage.) Stroke my hair, kiss my lips, kiss my cheeks, kiss my eyelids, rub my belly, rub my feet, give me a yoni massage, go down on me, let’s play with some toys to get the blood flow going. And I’ll play with your dick and stroke your cock and suck your cock, and then we’ll have some intercourse, but that’s all sex.

Amanda Testa: Yeah.

Susan Bratton: Sex isn’t intercourse. Sex is connecting and cocreating body joy and intimacy together. And so, I just want to get out of that masculine, patriarchal view of sex and move us into the matriarchal way of making love because, ultimately, it’s more satisfying for men, too. It’s more satisfying for men when we’re satisfied, and it’s more fun to do all that stuff.

14:15

So I have no idea what your question was. Oh, yeah, so your question was how do you get excited to have sex, how do you keep it interesting, how do you have the energy for it?

Amanda Testa: Mm-hmm.

Susan Bratton: You start learning new things so you get better in bed together so you want to have sex as much as possible. Like, I’m constantly scheming about when I can have sex again. I’m always thinking, “Okay, there’s a window. Let’s have sex right then. Okay, there’s a window. We can have a daybreak then.” I’m always looking at the ways to incorporate more intimacy into my schedule because I have so many things I love to do and, in any given moment, I might want to learn something new or I might just want to do whatever my body feels like it wants in that very moment because I listen to my yoni and she tells me the mood she’s in, what kind of pressure, how much warmup she needs, does she want to be in charge, does she want to surrender. She is my GPS so I just tune into her and she’s talking to me all the time.

15:20

So, for couples, I‘ve put together this new thing called The Sex Life Bucket List. You mentioned it, that you thought that was a neat idea. What I’ve realized is that people like techniques but what they want are fun ideas of sexy things to do together. They want experiences. So I came up with 48 experiences, and I put them on a downloadable PDF at sexlifebucketlist.com. You download it, and if you are lucky enough to have a partner, even if you’re having shitty sex with them right now, [Laughs] you make yourself two copies, and you go through this and you rank each one of the 48 things. If it’s a A, for you, it’s definitely going on your bucket list. If it’s a B, it wouldn't be on your bucket list, but if your partner wanted to do it, you’d do it, and C, it’s not for me right now (never say never) because you mature, sexually.

Amanda Testa: Mm-hmm.

16:06

Susan Bratton: Then you compare your A lists, and there’s your fun things you want to learn together. “Oh, I would like to learn female ejaculation.” “I’d like to do G-spot awakening.” “I’d like to have a prostate orgasm.” “Oh, I want to try this cock ring.” “Oh, I want to dress up and do role play. I’ve always wanted to be a naughty nurse!” You know, whatever it is, “Let’s do mutual masturbation.” There’s 48 things that get you guys aligned, and if you're single, you can make your own bucket list. “Oh, I want to have that orgasm. Oh, I want to have that. Oh, I want to try a threesome. I’m gonna go find a couple,” whatever it might be.

So that has been so much fun because I love hearing what’s on the top of people’s bucket lists. [Laughs]

Amanda Testa: I love that so much ‘cause it’s so fun! I don't know. I personally really, obviously, believe in the power of great sex, and I love how you said body joy. I think that’s freaking epic because it’s so true.

17:00

I think when you find the pleasure of it and the freakin’ ecstasy that you can have, then it’s real motivating, right? And so, what I also know, sometimes -- and I would love for you to speak to this because I know we talk about this a lot, but it comes up a lot -- is say, for example, I have clients a lot of times or students that they’re very great and orgasmic on their own, but then when it comes to bringing the partner in, maybe they're not open or they're not willing. And so, that can be really frustrating. And so, I’m wondering maybe what ideas that you can have to take someone who seems very unwilling to kind of soften them to new ideas and to be more open.

Susan Bratton: How does the unwillingness express in your clients’ experience?

Amanda Testa: So, just literally they’re throwing the ideas, they're being creative, they're trying to invite them, and they just are not really making it a priority. Like, if they have to do it or if there’s an accountability, they’ll do it. But there’s not a lot of enthusiasm around it, and I personally believe it’s because, oftentimes, there’s a lot of shame that comes up for a lot of people around sex, and it can come up as fear of performance issues or fear of change.

18:07

All the things are just like I’m tired, and I don't really have the energy for that or whatever it is. Whatever silly thing might come up, but in the moment those things feel like big things.

Susan Bratton: Yeah.

Amanda Testa: Everything’s all figure-out-able, but, yeah, what would you say to that?

Susan Bratton: It’s rejection. It’s rejection when you come up with an idea and your partner doesn't want to do it. Yeah.

Amanda Testa: Yes, and that rejection, over time, can really build resentment.

Susan Bratton: Oh, over time? Like, immediately! You want to piss off a yoni? I mean, men suffer from feeling rejected all the time for sex so it goes both ways.

Amanda Testa: That’s true. Exactly.

Susan Bratton: When women want to try new things, what kinds of things are they asking their partners to do?

Amanda Testa: I guess it varies. It varies.

Susan Bratton: What are some examples?

Amanda Testa: I would say most of the time it’s like, “Here are some things I want to try of new ways of --,” even like you say, “Here are some ideas. Is there anything you’d be interested in? If it’s a yes, let’s try it,” and then upon being presented the information they are just like, “Yeah, that sounds good,” but then there’s just never the action. The ideas are there, it’s good, but taking the step to actually do the thing is a lot of times where it comes up.

19:17

Susan Bratton: Yeah, okay, I think that’s mostly fear driven from lack of understanding. I would say that most of the time, when you’re asking for something, and you’re even asking for it over and over and it’s not happening, it’s because, generally -- I’m gonna make some gross, what’s the word I want?

Amanda Testa: Generalizations?

Susan Bratton: Yeah, I’m gonna make some generalizations because I think that the genders are different, and sex is a big bell curve, and most people are in the middle of it, and this is pretty typical. Your mileage may vary.

Let’s just say the construct is a woman wants to do something. Let’s say G-spot awakening.

Amanda Testa: Yeah, that’s a great idea.

Susan Bratton: Let’s say female ejaculation. Let’s say yoni massage. Let’s say she wants to try using a sex toy during intercourse. Those are probably good ones.

Amanda Testa: Yeah.

20:11

Susan Bratton: I think those are very common ones based on what women are telling me for their Sex Life Bucket List. Those are kind of the ones that women are most interested in right now.

Okay, he wants to make you happy, but he has no friggin’ clue what a yoni massage is. He does not really know where the G-spot is. He watches porn. He watches squirting porn, but he thinks that that is just some magic thing that women do or it’s fake or whatever. He doesn't even know. He doesn't know how to touch you. He’s ham-handed. He’s not really sure how to approach it. With sex toys he’s like, “Oh, well I’m not good enough,” right? “Oh, you have to use a vibrator while I’m having sex with you? Well, what’s wrong with my dick?” You know? “So I’m already feeling like you're making me feel less than. Oh, you don't think what I’m doing is good?”

21:03

This is what happens with men because men are testosterone-dominant rather than estrogen-dominant, and it makes them overly confident in their skills, but what they're driven to do is to be respected and to know they're doing a good job.

So they already think they're better than they are. They think sex is better than you do. And they are triggered by the suggestion that they should do something because they feel like they’ve already got it all organized. You should be fine with it because, remember, penetration feels so good for them that they think, “Oh, well, you can’t cum, but this is sex. We’re having sex.” So it’s kind of like complacency, fear, ignorance, and this over-confidence, and that they feel disrespected if you're asking for something.

And so, this is all just how a dude operating system works, and this is why women hate to ask for what they want because they don't want to deal with his pouting and his all like [Whining Noises] and he gets all pissy, and they're like, “Oh, screw it. I’ll just suck it up and deal with it and use my vibrator later,” and then their sex life goes to hell, right? I mean, this is what happens.

Amanda Testa: Mm-hmm.

22:19

Susan Bratton: So, here’s what I found with dudes that works really well because, honestly, my fan-base (which is vast), they are 60% men, 40% women. I help dudes even more than I help women because I have just unlocked the dude mentality, and the reason why I like to work with men is because they're actually super simple, and I know mostly women listen to your show so I really feel like I can say stuff in a direct way where I don't have to worry so much about their ego because probably so many more women are listening.

I love men. I love men, and I understand them, and I adore them, and I know that they really would give up their pleasure for our pleasure. I really know they want to do a good job, but all that stuff, that testosterone-y bullshit just makes it so hard for them.

23:08

So, the best thing to do is the answer is give him a checklist. He doesn't know what to do! He’s not doing it, not ‘cause he doesn't want to, but because he doesn't know how. He literally doesn't know what you want. He has no understanding of what this is. It’s interesting because I recently started -- and I’m gonna give you more specifics on this, but I’m gonna give you an example. I recently started an OnlyFans. I wanted to tell you about it, Amanda, because I am so sick of not being able to express all of my gifts on social media.

Amanda Testa: Yes, I hear you.

Susan Bratton: I’m just, like, constantly worried about getting shut down. I can’t post anything interesting.

Amanda Testa: Right. I hear you. It’s PG.

Susan Bratton: Super PG! And so, okay, Meta doesn't want my content. I get that. (Meta being Instagram, Facebook.)

Amanda Testa: Yes, yes.

Susan Bratton: So I started an OnlyFans. I’ll tell you something.

24:00

My creative freedom, it has just blossomed my thinking to be able to write whatever I want. There are a couple keywords you can't write, like you can't write blood. I write about blood all the time - blood flow. I’m constantly writing about blood flow, and I was like, “You can’t write blood?” [Laughs] It’s so funny, but I recently did a post on OnlyFans where I took a picture of my vulva spread open -- not the inner labia open, but just my legs spread. My partner took a picture, and then I put arrow to this, arrow to this, arrow to this. I said, “Here’s all the parts,” and then the post was, “Here’s how to touch each part. This is the kind of touch that this particular tissue likes,” and then overarching instructions for guys which are simple things like, “You have to rub all the oil all over all of your hands. You have to use the organic oil liberally. You have to put her on a towel. You have to stroke across the mons, but not the skin underneath the skin you're touching the tissue.

25:09

You're manipulating the tissue. The labia like to be kneaded. They're these little plumpy bags that puff up. The inner labia like long, soft up and down strokes. When you go inside the channel between the inner and outer labia, put pressure in there and feel the clitoral shaft up inside there. What you want to do is you want to get blood to the shaft and stroke it like it’s gonna be a mini penis. You actually can kind of jerk off the little penis. You want to stroke over the hood, not just go right to the clit. You’ve got to start from the outside and work your way in. You don’t want to stick your fingers in until she invites you.” Like, a million little tips.

Amanda Testa: Yes.

26:00

Susan Bratton: When I posted a little thing on Instagram, I put that picture all blurred out with an orchid over the vulva, and then question marks all around the orchid. So I posted that and I said, “Hey! If you want my yoni massage techniques, you have to go to my OnlyFans site. DM me for the link,” because I can’t post the link on Instagram or they’ll shut my account down. So, “DM me for the link.” I’m still worried I’ll get shut down over that.

So I literally had to have my husband go get a technology called ManyChat, I think it’s called, which I had to hookup to my Instagram, and now when people put, “Link for yoni massage.” “Give me the link for yoni massage.” “Yoni massage.” “Link for massage,” it fires off the link because I was spending hours a day sending the link. My hands are sore from sending the link out about yoni massage.

26:54

So, guys just don't know what to do. They need to be told what to do, and then you're like, “But, wait. If I tell him what to do, he’s gonna get all janked out.” He isn’t if you take him through the scenario verbally and you describe what to do and say, “Here’s where I thought we could start. I’d love you to give me a yoni massage,” or, “I’d love you to find and awaken my G-spot, and this is what I’ve heard is the strategy. So I was thinking we can have an erotic playdate.” That’s what I call them. I call them erotic playdates. It’s one of the six essentials for connected sex is having erotic playdates where you're not having sex, you're learning something new together, and you call it a playdate - an erotic playdate. It reframes the whole thing into a learning experience where he’s not gonna feel like he has to know all the answers, and you are, then, verbally giving him feedback.

The other things guys write to me all the time is -- one guy wrote to me, “I would love to give my wife a yoni massage but she is literally totally silent during sex. I won't get any feedback. I don't know if I could even do it. I could try it but how do I get her to give me feedback?”

28:00

So I answered that on my OnlyFans: here’s how to give feedback. By the way, my OnlyFans is onlyfans.com/susanbratton, my name. So if you want to go there and get the yoni massage and what to do to get people to talk and all this stuff that I’m finally getting to write, it’s there.

But I think what guys really want is step-by-step instructions and checklists. They want a framework within which they can do and experience trial and error, and they need a lot of positive feedback. “Yes, babe. That feels good. Okay, go a little higher. More deep. Softer. Not the top of the skin. Do underneath, the tissue under. Okay, you're going against my pubic hair. Go like a kitty, from the top down. Yeah, that feels good. Oh, babe, that’s so great. Keep doing that until I say stop. I’m just gonna totally go dead right now and relax and take that in and ride that exquisite sensation. Okay, go.” Right? [Laughs]

Amanda Testa: Yeah, I love it.

Susan Bratton: So I think that’s really the answer is make a playdate, tell him what to do, give him tons of feedback, and tell him what you really want ‘cause they do not know what you need.

29:06

Amanda Testa: Yes, I think the simpler -- and I love the checklist idea. I actually do that for a lot of things, and it works really well. I have a folder that I put all kinds of things I want in, and it’s on my husband’s desk so if there’s anything coming up or if he just wants to be sweet, I’m like, “Here’s a bunch of ideas of things I want so if you're thinking, here’s what I’d really love,” and I just tell him exactly what it is because how do you get exactly what you want? Ask for exactly what you want, right?

Susan Bratton: Yeah, people love when you ask for exactly what you want because then they know that you’re happy, that they're making you happy. So many of us come from experiences where we didn't feel safe to ask for what we wanted and our boundaries are constantly getting trampled on because we’re afraid you won't love us if we tell you what we need, and we’ve got to get over that. I’ll tell you, being 60, I just say the things, and people love it.

Amanda Testa: Right.

30:02

Susan Bratton: They're like, “Oh, okay! Thanks! Great, I can do that!” I’m like, “You know what I really want from you? Can I tell you what I really want?” They're like, “Yeah!” [Laughs]

Amanda Testa: Yes, I love that. Speaking of which, because that’s the beauty -- I don't know, at least in my experience. I feel like the older I get, the less fucks I give which I really love.

Susan Bratton: Yes, exactly.

Amanda Testa: I’m like, man, if it could have been like this years ago that would have been amazing.

Susan Bratton: I know.

Amanda Testa: But that’s okay. I am now, and it’s so fun! One of the things I know that you're really passionate about is the vaginal rejuvenation. I think we’ve touched on this a little bit, but I would love to talk more about that because, yes, I know you know so much about it, and you've tried all the things. So what would you distill as your favorite tips around that?

Susan Bratton: Yeah, it’s pretty straightforward at this point. There’s finally been some new inventions that were what we women needed. We went through some stone-age bullshit with vaginal rejuvenation that was painful and damaging, and I was like, “Oh, my god! This is horrible!” And now, I am here to tell you there’s a couple of things I totally love that make a huge difference. These are the needle-movers, and they're super easy.

31:06

Number one: everybody’s vagina and vulva is atrophying, and here’s where you're going. You're going to thinning tissue, vaginalaxity, loss of lubrication, diminished orgasmic intensity, even struggling to orgasm, incontinence. Oh, I hate that. I hate pissing in my pants. The minute it starts up again, I'm like I’ve got to nip that shit in the bud. Basically, what’s happening is -- is there anything I missed? Painful sex (it hurts to be penetrated or even to be touched), and more urinary tract infections, more vaginal dysbiosis of the microbiome of the vagina, and saggy labia. This one really pisses me off.

As a matter of fact, somebody recently told me that Joan Rivers did a joke about it. I frickin’ love that Joan Rivers. She was a female comedian that was popular in probably the ‘80s and ‘90s.

32:05

And when she was getting older -- and she would make a lot of jokes about herself -- and she said that when she looked down at her crotch she was like, “Holy shit, there’s bunny slippers down there. It looked like this saggy --,” because your outer labia, they start to sag and they start to look like balls! That’s just the worst, man. I mean, aging is shitty, right? But when your vagina’s getting thin and then it’s getting more open, his penis is atrophying and getting smaller and shrinking, and you can’t get a grip on that thing. “Is it in yet?” You’ve got to fix that stuff, and you do have to nip it in the bud because you are going to age, and you’re aging constantly.

So you're basically just trying to hold back against the aging. You can reverse, you can regenerate your tissue. You can reverse incontinence. You can plump those labia up (I’m gonna tell you how to do it). You can get rid of vaginal pain. You can fix your microbiome. You can increase your orgasmic intensity.

33:09

You can reverse every single thing that is happening but you have to keep working on it because it’s just like wrinkles. You start to everything wrinkles and you're like, “Oh, god, I’ve got to get a better face cream.” Then, you're like, “Oh, god, now I’ve gotta get some lasering done.” “Oh, god, now I’ve gotta get a facelift.” You do have to stay on stuff if that’s what you care about.

For me, I care about those things. I want to stay super young and super sexy for my age and for how I look. That’s what I want to do. So, there’s this very short list of things that I currently love that work great and they work together. They're a synergistic stack of modalities. Here they are:

33:54

Number one is take a nitric oxide supplement. You know I have a sexual vitality supplement company. I think I’ve sent these to you, and if you ever need more, just let me know. This is called Flow, and it is a nitric-oxide booster made from organic fruit and vegetables, and it’s citrulline based which is better for women over 40 -- men and women. What this does is it keeps the blood flow going to your pelvis so the muscles, the tissues are continuing to get the healing effects of your blood and the engorgement that you need to get your clitoral erection so you feel pleasure 'cause the bigger and more plump everything is, the more signals go to the brain (which is the primary sex organ). That’s what Laurie Mintz was just talking about recently, right? Sex organ is the brain. The more plump everything is, the more engorged, the more foreplay you have -- and I don't think foreplay’s even a word. I think that’s all sex for us. We want stroking, rubbing, touching, licking before we have intercourse.

35:00

When we get that and we get all plumped up, we have many more signals of pleasure to the brain. This also helps with lubrication because the vagina is not a gland, it’s a muscle (a strong muscle if you keep it in good tone), and it can’t wet itself. It needs blood plasma coming to the pelvic bowl, and then the plasma seeps the fluid down through the layers of the vaginal mucosal lining, and that’s what lubricates us.

So if we’re not taken up our arousal ladder in the speed that we need, and we can’t get the blood flow to our genitals, we can't get the lubrication that we need and we can't get the orgasmic pleasure that we need, and by the time we’re 50, we have half the nitric oxide production we had when we were 20. So when woman say, “Oh, it’s my hormones,” I’m like, “You know, maybe not because that’s just really estrogen. You actually have a higher ratio of testosterone to estrogen after menopause. You should actually be hornier. It’s probably really, in large part, the fact that you're not getting the blood flow to your pelvis.”

36:04

So, Flow -- the link for that -- the cheapest way you can buy it (which I always use on a podcast is buyflownow). That’s my special podcast rate. So I really like nitric acid. That’s, like, the foundation.

The second thing -- and there’s only four things, and one of them is an elective cherry-on-top kind of thing. The second thing is something called the vFit Gold which is an intravaginal device that uses vibration, warmth, and redlight therapy. It helps stimulate mitochondrial growth in the vagina. It helps tighten and tone the vagina. It helps reverse incontinence. It improves lubrication. I like to use it the day I’m gonna have intercourse with my husband because it gets everything up inside engorged because so much of our clitoral tissue and urethral and perineal tissue is up inside. It’s buried, and so, it’s really hard to get from the outside.

36:59

So the vFit Gold (and I have a special for that, too, because I am constantly telling people about it, so they made me a package with a whole bunch of bonus gifts in it) is at joylux.com/susan. I use it pretty much every morning. I put it into my vagina (it’s a ten-minute thing) while I’m scrolling Instagram and answering all the yoni massage -- giving everyone their yoni massage links.

Amanda Testa: Yes.

Susan Bratton: [Laughs] Drinking my latte. I’ve got my redlight hat on to grow my hair from COVID 'cause I lost so much from COVID, and I wear two redlight sleeves around my arms where my biceps are because when I lost 30 pounds from working out everyday I got super creepy skin on my arms above my elbows, and I’m tightening it up with redlight. So I love redlight.

Amanda Testa: I’m gonna check that out. I love the redlight too. I have one of those little ones that you put on your face, right? I put it on my neck, and I put it on my vulva, but I would like the internal on that.

Susan Bratton: Right up inside.

Amanda Testa: Love it!

Susan Bratton: The vFit Gold.

Amanda Testa: Okay.

38:02

Susan Bratton: Then, the next thing is, okay, so now you're doing inside the vagina. That’s good, but you've got incontinence, tissue atrophy, [Laughs] saggy labia, your clit’s not getting as hard as it used to, you're losing all this tissue, so I like FemiWave. FemiWave is like GAINSWave for men. It’s an acoustic wave technology. You go to a place, and they run this little wand on the outside of your body. They put it on your mons, they put it on your labia, and they put it on your perineum, and they put it over your clitoral structure. It sends these waves into the tissue that stimulates new tissue growth and brings healing and growth factors to the whole vulva and all the erectile tissue inside there, including helping with the urethral canal, the bladder, the incontinence, etcetera. It stimulates lubrication, it stimulates pleasure, your orgasms get better, it tightens and tones everything.

39:03

It’s like the two things work perfectly together. The vFit for inside and then the FemiWave on the outside, all around the tissue, not too deep in. I love that because what I used to have to tell women to do was go burn their vaginas with a CO2 laser or an RF device and have pain and weeping just to get the tone and all the stuff, and it didn't do anything for the clitoral structure. It didn't do anything for the outer labia. Now, I’m like do not even do that stuff unless you’re chronic and you’ve tried everything else first.

So I love the vFit, I love the FemiWave, and then the last thing which is the cherry on top is the O-Shot or Orgasm Shot which is the PRP. It comes from your own blood. They take your blood. They put it into a centrifuge. They pull off the white and red blood cells. They take the fibrin-rich matrix of healing and growth factors and stem cells from your own body, and they inject it right into that spongy tissue of the clitoris and the G-spot, and that stimulates even more new tissue growth, reversing more atrophy, increasing more orgasmic pleasure, supporting all that musculature basket that’s keeping you from having prolapsed organs and incontinence and all that stuff.

40:20

So if you can afford that, that’s usually about $1,500. If you can afford that, I mean, the vFit is cheap, and the FemiWave is super effective, but if you’ve got the extra cash -- ‘cause I always like to do budget, medium, and luxury. And so, the O-Shot, just adding that on top, it is the cherry on top of everything else. I wouldn't do an O-Shot before I did the FemiWave. I wouldn't do the FemiWave before I tried the vFit. Unless you don't have any intervaginal problems but you just want to plump everything up, get more sensation, etcetera, then I would start with the FemiWave if you don't have any vaginal laxity or loss of lubrication in that way.

41:05

So, those are the four things that are easy, work, keep atrophy at bay, and give you that velvety vulva.

Amanda Testa: Mm, I love it. [Laughs]

Susan Bratton: [Laughs]

Amanda Testa: The other thing -- and I know we’re coming up on our time -- but I just want to mention it because I know the relative to the FemiWave is the GAINSWave for erectile dysfunction. Will you speak to that too? Because I know, oftentimes, people are like, “Tell me some resources for erectile dysfunction.” So if you could share just a brief little bit about that too.

Susan Bratton: Yeah, as you're aging, your male-bodied partner is aging. His penis is getting less firm. It’s not as veiny as it used to be. It’s not as solid as it used to be. It doesn't stay hard as long as it used to. He’s got a longer refractory period. He might even have trouble maintaining an erection. It’s just not as good as it used to be - shrinking, etcetera. And so, what GAINSWave does, and what I recommend is, take nitric oxide. Take the Flow for him too. Every night is best.

42:05

Take it during the day if that’s when you take your supplements, and then take it 20 minutes before sex because, for a lot of men, they're taking Viagra to get their hard-on when, really, they're just low in nitric oxide, and they're taking 60 milligrams of Viagra. They're getting headaches, stuffy noses, flushing, migraines later in the next day. Even some guys are having vision issues, and they’re still taking these giant doses of Viagra because sex is so important to them when, literally, they could just be topping up their nitric oxide and maybe even drop down to a microdose of Viagra if they even need it.

So, the blood flow is number one. Number two is using a vacuum erection device which is a penis pump, and if you normalize that for your guy, and you're’ like, “Hey, I’ll use my vFit while you use your penis pump,” it’s going to increase the blood-carrying capacity of his penis, revascularize it, stimulate new tissue growth. It’s like $200. It costs nothing, and it feels good for him, he gets to play with his dick (which he loves), and he gets a much firmer erection, and it reverses atrophy.

43:08

Add to that the GAINSWave device or treatments (which you go to a treatment center and get), six GAINSWave sessions will reverse his atrophy and restore function (dial back the clock by decades for him). He’ll be so happy, and for some men who have atherosclerosis, diabetes, they’ve been very ill for a long time, you might have to do a couple rounds of that to really restore function, but it is amazing what GAINSWave does for the penis, and the pumping and the penis together, you want to stack ‘em. They're synergistic and they help each other work even better, and then you can do a P-Shot (or a Priapus shot) which is the PRP into the penis, and it doesn’t hurt. They numb it, and that just accelerates everything. It’s just like a turbo charger for all that healing and growth of new tissue.

44:03

So, really, what you're doing, it’s called sexual regenerative therapies, and you're reversing the atrophy of aging by stimulating new tissue growth using these synergistic modalities.

Amanda Testa: I appreciate that information ‘cause if people want that, it’s something hard to find where to go and what to do. So I love how you just make it simple. Also, how do people find that kind of treatment if they're looking?

Susan Bratton: Yeah, you just go to GAINSWave.com, you go to FemiWave.com, then you can also google P-Shot Directory, O-Shot Directory, and you’ll find it. What I would do is I would go to a practitioner in your area who does both things. Don’t go to one person for a P-Shot and one person for the GAINSWave. Go to the GAINSWave doctor that’s doing P-Shots and have it all done at one time because then they’re monitoring your progress, and they're looking at how you're doing with the synergistic treatments. Also, don't forget to get your guy’s testosterone checked. It’s very, very important to keep his testosterone high. You can do a lot with generating more endogenous testosterone, but you can also do testosterone replacement therapy.

45:09

I take testosterone, and I love it. I don't take it. I put it on my clitoral structure. I rub it on my labia and my clitoral structure every morning along with the estrogens in my estrogen cream. So, that also really keeps the vulva very young and nice and much more sensitive for orgasm, responsive to orgasm and touch, and it also gives us balls as women. It gives us confidence. We don’t turn into scaredy little old ladies when we do our testosterone replacement. So, if you’re interested in bioidentical hormone replacement, it’s very good to balance the estrogens (estriol and estradiol) with some testosterone and progesterone. And getting good blood tests is very good.

The place that I recommend people go to get the right tests and get the information they need translated to them in a simple way is at marekhealth.com/susan.

46:09

This link has the two tests and a special discount for people because I’ve sent them there ‘cause so many people are like, “What test do I get? How do I know how to read it?” So I set up a relationship with Marek because they’ll help you get the test, and then they’ll translate it for you and give you your options for hormone replacement because most people are just struggling with their regular healthcare, but it’s so important to have good hormonal profile that this is the gift you give yourself above and beyond what you’re already paying for healthcare.

The last thing I would give up in the world would be my hormones. It’s like literally the last thing. You can take my wigs. You can take my friggin’ makeup. You can take all my yoga pants, but you cannot have my bioidentical hormone replacement. [Laughs]

Amanda Testa: I love it.

Susan Bratton: You could even take my vibrators, if you want to! That’d be my second-to-last thing. [Laughs]

47:00

Amanda Testa: Oh, my goodness, I love it. I so appreciate you, and I just love you to death, Susan. Thank you so much. You are such a kind human. I just have to share when you were talking about the penis pump, this just reminded me that my very first interview out of college when I was 22 was for Osbon Medical selling penis pumps. I didn't get the job, but that was my very first interview!

Susan Bratton: Yay!

Amanda Testa: Too bad, but it all worked out in the end. I still am [Laughs] where I’m meant to be, but it just makes me laugh.

Susan Bratton: You are. You are so where you're meant to be, and thank you so much for asking me such great questions. I love being with you. I miss you so much. This pandemic has been the shits, and I can’t wait ‘til I can hug you in person.

Amanda Testa: I know, me too. Well, thank you so much again, and I’ll make sure to put all of this juicy info in the show notes but, also, this is a great episode to bookmark, share with your friends, listen back to. And, please, shoot us a DM. Susan, share a little about where people can connect with you so they can connect and if they have more questions or want the yoni massage link!

Susan Bratton: Yeah! [Laughs]

Amanda Testa: What’s the best way to connect with you?

48:02

Susan Bratton: You can slide into my DMs @susanbratton on Instagram. On OnlyFans, I’m onlyfans.com/susanbratton. My main website is personallifemedia.com. If you want all those intercourse techniques you can just look up Makin’ Whoopee. You can find all of my videos, including my yoni massage videos and how to have penetration orgasms from intercourse, on betterlover.com. Gosh, you can always email me back if you're on my email newsletter. I answer all my emails.

Amanda Testa: Yes, you're such an amazing human. I just keep saying that ‘cause it’s so true, and I just remember the first time we met. You're just -- ah! I just appreciate you so much, so thank you for being you and for all this amazing work that you're doing in the world. I’ll be in touch with you soon! Hopefully we can be together in person. Yay! Thank you so much again for being here, and thank you all for listening, and we will see you next week!

[Fun, Empowering Music]

Thank you so much for listening to the Find Your Feminine Fire podcast. This is your host, Amanda Testa, and if you have felt a calling while listening to this podcast to take this work to a deeper level, this is your golden invitation.

49:07

I invite you to reach out. You can contact me at amandatesta.com/activate, and we can have a heart-to-heart to discuss more about how this work can transform your life. You can also join us on Facebook in the Find Your Feminine Fire group, and if you’ve enjoyed this podcast, please share with your friends. Go to iTunes and give me a five-star rating and a raving review so I can connect with other amazing listeners like yourself.

Thank you so much for being a part of the community.

[Fun, Empowering Music]