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Ignite and Inspire: Feminine Fire Success Stories with Allie Boyle E267
Amanda Testa [00:00:01]:

Hello, and welcome to the Find Your Feminine Fire Podcast. I am your host, Amanda Testa. I am a sex love and relationship coach, and in this podcast, my guests and I talk sex, love and relationships, and everything that lights you up from the inside out. Welcome.

You and I, we've shared a lot together. From discussions about how to have amazing sex and deeply connected relationships, to sharing powerful strategies to amplify pleasure and connection in our lives. But there's something I treasure above all, and that is supporting you.

The amazing person behind all the stories, the one embarking on this fantastic journey towards building an epic connection with yourself, your sexuality, and your relationships. It's my primary mission to ensure that you have the resources and support that you need, so you never feel alone in this journey, and I want you to know I am right here with you.

But I want to do even more. I want to make it super easy for you to invest in yourself and your growth and your pleasure.

So here's the big news. For a limited time, I'm offering our transformative Pleasure Foundation membership for 50% off. And this is a big discount because your journey towards more pleasure and connection matters that much to me. I want it to be like a no brainer, to drop in, and learn the tools you need to feel stronger, more confident, I believe this can be the gentle nudge you need to invest in your pleasure and to do the practices to support you receiving the deep connection and nourishment that you want.

So if you think you've been thinking about joining the Pleasure Foundation, consider this your sign. To grab this offer, please visit amandatesta.com/tpf. Again, it's amandatesta.com/tpf, and I am beyond excited to welcome you on the inside.

Well, I am so excited to be here today with the amazing Allie Boyle, and Allie is a previous client and just an amazing human being. So thank you so much, first of all, for being open to coming on the podcast and talking about your experience of working together.

Allie Boyle [00:02:16]:

Absolutely. I'm so excited to have the opportunity to do it. I've just really enjoyed working with you, and am pumped to share that with other people and talk a little bit about the results today of what I was able to create.
Amanda Testa:

Yeah. And I'd love it if you don't mind, just sharing a little bit about who you are, and what kinda led you to this work, if you will.

Allie Boyle:

Yeah. Absolutely. I am a business woman and I'm in sales and have a little bit of a history in coaching. I got into it a few years ago and was really into, like, thought based work and then have pretty strong spirituality and was, you know, into meditation and, you know, the breath and a lot of things like that. And there was when I really looked at things, there was a gap that I was struggling to close between the two where I understood the, like, thoughts and that the energy work were all connected and I was coming out of a divorce a few years ago. I had a bunch of digestive issues and things that were you know, my belief is caused by a lot of stress that could be fed within my life or it could have been the way that I was perceiving it to be.

And I was looking for a way to better manage that and also noticing after the divorce where it's having challenges in relationships. I was in a new one. I was really excited about it. Didn't wanna bring any of that baggage in. And when I really looked at, like, what it was that I needed to work on and with the gap on, it was it was being able to, like, open up and connect in the way that I wanted to in this new relationship, but also, like, de stress and, like, figure out how to take all of this stuff that I've learned in spirituality and coaching and, like, interconnect it to, like, get that one last little push over the line.

Amanda Testa [00:03:53]:

I love that. Yeah. And I know I think one of the great things is, obviously, because of your background in coaching, you kinda have an understanding of personal development and growth and, like, being on that path of realizing that we don't have all the answers. I think that people that are around us do their best, our culture is not the best at educating us specifically around relationships and connection. And so, you know, just kinda having that mindset of growth, and I really value that in you and how you show up too is just really open.

So I'm curious too because I know this piece I feel like a lot of time with a lot of my clients, the piece around relationships or sensuality or sexuality or whatever - It's one of those things that can feel on the horizon, like,well, I’ll get to that one day.

But then that day comes, and you're like, okay. Well, I do need to deal with this. And how everything is really all interconnected. I'm wondering if you might be willing to share a little bit about your experience with that if that feels okay.

Allie Boyle [00:04:43]:

Yeah. Definitely. So I think something that I realized after we worked together for a while was that the reason that I was not able to access the more feminine, vulnerable, sensual energy, was all about doing that personal work. And to reach that, you have to go all the way to the depths of it. And that was where I was struggling in that area because I've done a lot of the surface level work, and that was going well. Work was going better. Like, the standard things were pretty good.

But I still didn't really feel great, and I still felt disconnected from my sense of self and I was seeking that, and I was struggling with understanding where to find it. And I was sitting on my couch one day, and I had been looking for a coach, and I had gone through a million different types of coaches that I needed. I needed a human design coach. I was gonna do all these career driven things, and I finally was like, let's get real. What do you really need help with?

And I realized it was relationships and being connected, not only with somebody else, but, myself and and the struggle was really around figuring out how to get there and I didn't realize it was all interconnected, and that was the coolest mind blowing part of the work that we've been able to do together is seeing how once I was able to reach that softer, more vulnerable place where my sensuality and feminine energy lies,

It kinda did all the other work around it that I was struggling to do too.

Amanda Testa:

Yeah. Yeah. I'm wondering too, when it came to kind of making that decision. What were your big biggest hesitations? What were your fears, do you think?

Allie Boyle [00:06:29]:

Yeah. That's a great question. So I think my first hesitation was it was going out of the lane of a lot of the coaching that I already knew. So it was like, how do I find somebody that is gonna help me with this? And it's gonna feel like a energetic, spiritual, I wanted it to vibe with what I was into and not just be about sex, and, like, the mechanics of things because I felt like there was plenty of places to, you know, find that, but, I remember reading a bio about you on something. It wasn't even on your main page. I was literally searching just around with keywords that I don’t even remember what it was. And I was like, this is my type of person.

So I was doing something different. I was doing something that my other friends weren't doing. It's a financial commitment to yourself too that you're, gonna take a dive and spend some money on yourself in a way that maybe everybody doesn't understand where you're not, like, oh, I’m investing in a business coach, and now I'm gonna make way more money. I did make more money, actually, over the time that we are working together.

so I'm certain it has paid for itself. Yeah. But it's an outside the box thing to be looking into, and I'm really glad I did.

Amanda Testa:

Yeah. I'm wondering too when it comes to some of the work that we did together, is therea favorite part or a favorite moment or something that really stands out to you?

Allie Boyle [00:07:55]:

Yeah. I think, really, actually, I feel like right now because we're so in the moment of I've had this really big shift just recently in where I was really happy in the relationship that I'm in and, like, that had been satisfying the whole time, something I was excited about, which is why I was really committed to trying to show up all the way and not bring in a bunch of old baggage from past failures or issues or whatever you wanna call it.

And I realized just over the last month that, like, I had really been able to open up my heart and really feel love in a way that I had never felt it before. And the connection that it's opened up for me has been just such a beautiful experience, and everything just started to work. It's like, all I had to do was be able to open up in that way and then everything fell in place right behind it. And I didn't even know it's like I woke up one day, and I was like, oh, wow, This is lovely!

Amanda Testa [00:08:58]:

That is amazing. I love that. I think too because a lot of the work's subtle, but it's powerful. Right? I think too because, you know, we worked together for a good six plus months, and I think, you know, a lot of times people are like, well, seems like a long time, but I do believe, you know, when you are doing this kind of deeper work on yourself. It takes time to make change, and it takes time to show up differently in your own nervous system and your body.

And so I'm wondering too - what you appreciated about the time that we spent together, because I know sometimes people are hesitant there. That seems like a long time, but I feel like it's really important. I’m curious, what could you share about that?

Allie Boyle [00:09:53]:

Yeah. And I think people do see 6 months or even more. Like, you know, I extended my coaching and was really excited about that. And when you realize that this isn't just relationship work or being able to have better sex work. I mean, those things happen, so that part's certainly included. But you're doing this amazing thing for your whole energetic system and opening this door to yourself that will allow you to be more creative.

It's a self expression thing. You find joy in life, and the things that you love. And those were the things that I didn't really realize I was signing up for. That I’ve been like “ OOHHH, all this comes with that!

I think doing a lot of breath work and energy work and things like that, like, really help me reset. And I was actually just talking to somebody yesterday about how you were saying to me, (and it resonated so much), it's, like, secret work a little bit. You almost don't know. Like, you go through these phases where you're like, I don't know if it's working.

And then all of a sudden, you look back and you realize you're like a totally different version of yourself in a really positive, beautiful way. Like, your true self, like coming home a little bit.

Amanda Testa [00:10:48]:

I love that. That's so beautiful. I'm wondering too, you know, like, When it comes to some of those changes that you've noticed in yourself, maybe what would be some of the tangible things that you sense, like some of the things that have shifted.

Allie Boyle [00:11:01]:
Yeah. I've naturally always been a high energy person, and it caused me to have a lot of issues with, like, stress and anxiety. Just because I stayed amped and one of the things that started me on this journey was trying to reset some energy habits that I had.

And I've been noticing it lately. It's like I am way more chill. I'm more comfortable in my own skin. I don't feel like I'm worried about things all the time or running over things in my head.

I've become much more trusting in the universe and overall myself, my capacity to make decisions, which again shows up I think in, sexuality, relationships, things like that- where I'm not nervous that I'm not doing the right thing or communicating something in the right way.

I know I can trust myself and that since I'm connected with who I am right now, I know that I really do know what I want. And that was something I didn't even realize that I was struggling with before.

Amanda Testa:

That ability to trust whatever happens, like, you got it. I've got it because I can trust myself. That's so huge.

Allie Boyle [00:12:11]:

Yeah. I would say trust is an overarching thing. Trust with my partner, trust with myself, trust that I just know. Even just finding your interests and what you're about. As you start to really settle into your own skin your confidence just skyrockets and you just know who you are and you're not searching for that.

Amanda Testa [00:12:34]:

It's so awesome. I just am so thrilled for you and also the way that you showed up. Right? because it takes you too, being open and willing to dive in and go to those vulnerable places that feels hard. But I'm wondering, like, what kinda helped? What do you feel like maybe it was around maybe my coaching or what about the container the program? How do you think it helped to support you in just being vulnerable or being able to open to those more tender aspects, I guess.

Allie Boyle [00:12:57]:

I think you have a really good way of having a really light ,open, approachable energy.

I always felt comfortable, and, it was a safe space to talk about things that maybe I'm not used to talking about. And you start getting used to it.

It's like you just take the little steps and you really do have a system that takes you through the right steps first, so you don't just get dumped into this overwhelming topic and digging out all this painful stuff.

It’s actually really a fun experience. You learn a lot about yourself. There's small wins all along the way so you can see what's going on.

And then you really work your way up into the deeper spaces after you've worked through some of the other stuff. So I thought it just made a lot of sense.

And I found myself becoming more comfortable around openly discussing different topics about relationships, sex, myself, things that I might have been insecure about and just throwing it on the table.

And I just realized that at a certain point, you just have to decide to go there because, otherwise, you’re not gonna give yourself the gift of being able to have this full beautiful life that's available.

Which makes me think about the time that my boyfriend was here, and we had a session, and I lost my mind because he was gonna be able to hear me. And it was a big thing though. I just decided to do the session.

And I told him afterwards that I was super nervous about it, and it really opened the door to being more open and vulnerable with each other. And I was like, oh my gosh. Why am I being weird about him hearing this session if I'm in the relationship with him? It was that stuff, like, just working through those types of things and even when he was there other days, I never cared again. And it was just like it just started opening more doors every time I just showed up. I just had to come, and that was it.

Amanda Testa [00:14:56]:
Just showing up. And I wanna appreciate just the fact too that I do try to make it so it's so it's like baby steps. Right? You get where you're going. but also you have to do it in a way that is doable. One of my teacher's says this, which I love, “You can only go as fast as the slowest part of you is willing to go”. Which is why I think taking time, and following the steps in the process of building the foundation that you need to feel comfortable going to the deeper layers is huge. And so thank you for that feedback. Yeah. Yeah.

Allie Boyle [00:15:50]:

Totally. It makes me think of the coaching culture of just push through it. Like, just get it done, and that was not this. This was a much gentler, kinder way, and I think we got a lot more done.

Amanda Testa:

Yes. I love that. Thank you. The other thing I'm curious about too, because when we're working with sexuality, obviously, there's a lot involved but there's a lot of intimidation. Like, what is this even? And I'm wondering if you have any words of wisdom or how you can just offer to people maybe why it doesn't need to be as scary as they might think it is. Does that make sense?

Allie Boyle:

Yeah. No. It totally does. Yeah. I had no idea I was like, what are we gonna do? Is this gonna be, like, pornographic? I don't know. I know I gotta do something about this situation, and this seems like somebody fits into the same types of things that I like, which I would also say even if you're not, this is a great way to learn about some different things, so it does not mean that you need to be meditating or doing breath work or soul searching type things.

This is not super heavy there, but you will have the opportunity to learn about some new techniques and things. But I think that actually is a perfect way to go into the next topic of you have the opportunity to learn about whatever you want.

And I think you are very open about what I can get really technical about. Like , Hey, this is an issue that I'm having and, you know, I'm not feeling very satisfied in this area. What can I physically actually do? And there's a lot of resources there, and you've given me, like, gosh. More than I can even, like, know what to do with, which I love.

So not an overwhelming amount that I need to do anything with at a certain time, but it's just cool because I didn’t even know where to find this stuff.
And you've got a lot of a lot in that lane, but then there was a lot in the side of really just, working on yourself and getting your energy into a place where you can open up to somebody and connect with someone and having the option to bring your partner on, there's a lot of fluidity where it can go, but you still have the confidence to guide it and make sure that it is a meaningful time together.

Amanda Testa [00:17:41]:

Yeah. And then I always like to provide people with kind of, their own version of an online course, really, because if there’s Trello, and there's, like, so many resources, So you can always go back to those even after our work is complete or if you have questions, then there's always resources to support you as well. So, thank you for naming that.

I'm wondering too, what type of people do you think could benefit from this type of work would you say?

Allie Boyle [00:18:09]:

Everyone.
Everyone can benefit from this. Like, for real. I am just a mom that's in sales. I am not anything, like, super crazy special or different. I mean, I do think I'm very special, but, like --

Amanda Testa:

You are.

Allie Boyle:

But I think I've told all sorts of friends and family about it. I've become a lot more open about talking about the subject of sexuality, especially thinking about women. We have a culture of, now we're supposed to do all of the work. We've got kids to raise, houses to keep up with. It's a very busy lifestyle and it's really hard to find time for your self care. And I think that just across the board, I personally don't know someone that I don't think would benefit from doing this work at all.

Amanda Testa [00:18:57]:

Mhmm. Thank you. I just so appreciate you as well, and thank you for being open. And I do feel like it's so important to talk about because we don't do it enough in our culture, really. Right?

And so it makes it feel it doesn't have to be as hard as we think.

I was leading a womb workshop series for our friend of mine's group, and Last night was our final call, but just even getting together and just having discussions about things that we never talk about, but we should - it just releases so much shame and just makes it feel so much easier and open, and really that is a huge part of it.

So thank you for being willing to share your experience. I'm wondering if there's any last words or anything else that you would like to share.

Allie Boyle [00:19:40]:

Yeah. You know, I think it just it can be a really lonely topic, and it's hard to find resources
to help you whether you're in a relationship that has not been good, (I was coming out of one) or, you know, you're really just trying to connect more with yourself.

You don't need to be in a relationship to do this work. And then also if you're in a great one, and you wanna make it even better, which is kind of where I landed and that was exciting.

And it was like, hey. I wanna really get everything I can get out of this and not for him, but for me.

And the things that I was able to give myself open the doors and just I feel so much better. I feel so much more authentically me and just open.

It's like a weight has lifted and it has opened the door to a great love and a much more beautiful life than I was leading before.

So I would recommend anybody that's listening to this to deeply consider if you owe yourself doing this type of work because you won't look back and regret it.

Amanda Testa [00:20:45]:

Yep. Thank you so much for being here and for sharing and just for who you are and all. I so appreciate you and your energy as well and just how you show up and think it's a beautiful thing to witness your transformation as well because you've always had, like, that fiery spirit, but really seeing -- the blossoming even more so.

And you shared something that reminded me earlier.

You know, I think too from just my own personal experience with this type of work, I remember I had already been with my husband for, like, 4 years or so at that point.

And I realized doing this work that I had never really opened my heart to him. I thought I had. but I really hadn't. And I thought that we had a great connection, but it was really very performative. And, it's radically transformed! Because there is I think in our culture too, we have some conditioning around just, like, protecting your heart, protecting yourself, you don't need to fully let like, go there. And especially if you've been hurt in the past, right, it makes it hard. and you are very protective.

But,just being willing to open your heart and just trusting yourself, like, whatever happens I've got, I've got it. I've got myself. I can do these scary things because I trust myself, and that makes it so much different because when you fully open like that, it's amazing how people around you respond. L

Allie Boyle [00:21:55]:

Oh, I love that. That's SO it. I mean, it really is. You thought you had, but you hadn't. And that was the same thing that I had happen, and since nobody really talks about this stuff, you just look at other people and you're like, they seem happy. You don't really know what's going on behind doors and energetically, how really connected people actually are.

And it was mind blowing to me what I wasn't allowing myself to have, and I didn't even know that when we got started.

But I sure do realize it in hindsight. And, man, I am I glad that I let myself have it.

Amanda Testa [00:22:36]:

Well, I appreciate you so much. Thank you so much again, Allie . And for all of you listening, thank you for being here, and we will see you next week.

Thank you for listening to the Find Your Feminine Fire podcast. If you love this episode, please go ahead and forward it now to someone who you know would love. And if you've not yet had a chance to leave us a rave review on Apple Podcasts, please make sure to rate a new review if you enjoyed the podcast, as well as make sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. Thanks for listening, and we'll see you next week.