Revolutionize Your Sex Life with Dr. Saida Désilets And Aaron Michael

Are you feeling stuck in a mundane routine?

Craving more excitement, connection, and fulfillment in your love life? If your answer is a resounding YES, then buckle up, because we’ve got something incredible for you.

This week, I’m sitting down with renowned intimacy experts Dr. Saida Désilets and Aaron Michael. Together, we’re about to delve deep into strategies that will not only revolutionize your self-care but also set your relationship on fire.

Listen in to discover:

❤️ Reframe Self Love: Discover why embracing self love is your hidden ticket to a life filled with joy and vitality.

❤️ Unlearn Shame: Learn how to let go of societal constraints and make empowering choices that celebrate YOU.

❤️ Embrace Embodied Love: Find the key to deeper, more meaningful connections with your partner, and understand what it means to embody love.

❤️ Awaken Sensation: If you’ve felt numb or shut down, we’ve got the magic tips to reignite those tantalizing sensations.

❤️ Suction Sex Unveiled: Get ready to have your mind blown as we discuss this revolutionary concept that can redefine pleasure in your intimacy.

❤️ Mismatched Libidos Explained: Uncover the truth and the myths, and learn how to sync up for a harmonious love life.

❤️Fun and Connection: Get your hands on grounded, real-world tips that promise more joy and playfulness in the bedroom.

This episode isn’t just about spicing things up; it’s about rediscovering love, passion, and the essential elements that make intimacy truly breathtaking.

Tune in, and prepare to transform your intimacy into something extraordinary!

Listen below, or tune in via: Apple Podcasts,Stitcher or Spotify.

JOIN IN THE DISCUSSION ON THIS EPISODE AND MORE IN MY FREE FACEBOOK GROUP, FIND YOUR FEMININE FIRE HERE.

Aaron Michael, author of Optimal Sex Life, has helped more than 100,000 women and men to have a happier and more fulfilled life by optimizing one of the most essential parts of their life: SEX & INTIMACY.

He’s worked one-on-one with thousands of women, helping them to remove pain and emotional blocks, support them to access full body orgasms, and access their untapped pleasure. He’s also coached men and couples, and understand what is often overlooked in sexual education for epic sex.

Saida Désilets is the Founder of the modern Jade Egg movement and the Désilets Method, a psycho-sexual system that creates more pleasure, sexual aliveness and deep self-love for women. As a thought-leader and advocate for women’s health and wellness, she use my teachings to help women use their mind, body and spirit to live as powerful and sexually sovereign women.

It wasn’t until 1994, when a traumatic sexual experience left she battling for life and 2 weeks to live. Since then, she has sought to change the paradigm for treatment of women’s sexual health and wellness. She created and successfully ran both a holistic healing business and a regular ‘Jade Goddess’ school and received a PhD in Transpersonal Psychology.

She’s also written and published two books ‘The Emergence of the Sensual Woman’ and ‘Desire’.

Find out more about Suction Sex and get the Night Naughty Date Nights HERE.

Want more support from Amanda? Schedule a confidential 1-1 call with Amanda⁠ here.

In this 45 min call, we’re going to identify your #1 block to pleasure, why it’s showing up in the way it is, and what to do to turn it around. ⁠⁠After doing this work for almost a decade, I can quickly identify the patterns holding you back, and show you the steps to change it. ⁠⁠Permission to reach out even if it feels scary. Permission to reach out even if you aren’t even sure you want to do this work. Permission to reach out to explore if this is right for you, no strings or pushy sales tactics here.⁠

If you liked this episode, please consider giving me a 5 Star Review on Apple Podcasts! It truly does help the podcast grow.

Have a topic or question you’d like Amanda to address on a future episode? Submit it on this anonymous form.

Natural Sex Drive Boosters with Dr. Betsy Greenleaf

If you’re looking to find more desire, amplify your sexual health and personal vitality, then sit back, relax, and tune into this weeks podcast!

It’s a sad fact that countless women endure discomfort and confusion about their sexual health for years, assuming it’s just a part of aging.   

Join me as I talk with Dr. Betsy Greenleaf, a trailblazing leader in women’s health, with over 20 years of experience in female pelvic medicine and reconstructive surgery, as we delve into the intricacies of female sexuality, the importance of your microbiome, and the power of not accepting discomfort as your destiny. 

Here are 3 key takeaways from our conversation:

1️⃣ Don’t accept discomfort as a normal part of aging: Many women mistakenly assume that discomfort is inevitable as they age. However, there are various options available to address and alleviate these issues.

2️⃣ Women’s sexuality is complex: It’s crucial to understand that women’s sexuality is different from that of penis-bodied individuals. There are multifaceted factors that influence women’s sexuality, and simply taking a one-size-fits-all solution won’t solve all problems.  Listen in for some ideas to help!

3️⃣ Microbiome matters: The balance of our microbiome plays a vital role in our overall health, including our vaginal and gut health. 

Join in this powerful conversation to find natural solutions to spice up your libido. 

Listen below, or tune in via: Apple Podcasts,Stitcher or Spotify.

JOIN IN THE DISCUSSION ON THIS EPISODE AND MORE IN MY FREE FACEBOOK GROUP, FIND YOUR FEMININE FIRE HERE.

Dr. Betsy Greenleaf is a trailblazing leader in women’s health, bringing pelvic peace, hormone harmony, sexy sizzle, and crazy confidence to busy women. With over 20 years of experience in female pelvic medicine and reconstructive surgery, she’s a best-selling author, award-winning speaker, entrepreneur, and inventor.

As the first female in the United States to become board-certified in Urogynecology, Dr. Greenleaf has dedicated herself to empowering women through education. She founded Femversity.com, a platform dedicated to holistically healing women and providing practitioners a place to thrive.

Dr. Betsy’s passion for women’s health led her to become the CEO of The Pelvic Floor Store, where she helps women find reliable products for their pelvic health. She’s also the host of “Some of Your Parts” Podcast and the internet show “BODY MIND SPIRIT,” both of which focus on total wellness.

As the best-selling co-author of “You Were Made To Be Unstoppable,” Dr. Betsy inspires women to embrace their power and overcome obstacles. She’s also the mastermind behind The Happy Vagina Rally, an empowering women’s summit dedicated to hormones, pelvic health, and wellness.

Dr. Betsy is also the Chief Business Officer of HousecallVR, a virtual reality company combating health illiteracy for a healthier tomorrow. With her vast experience and dedication to women’s health, Dr. Betsy is changing lives and inspiring women to embrace their greatness.

Want more support from Amanda? Schedule a confidential 1-1 call with Amanda⁠ here.

In this 45 min call, we’re going to identify your #1 block to pleasure, why it’s showing up in the way it is, and what to do to turn it around. ⁠⁠After doing this work for almost a decade, I can quickly identify the patterns holding you back, and show you the steps to change it. ⁠⁠Permission to reach out even if it feels scary. Permission to reach out even if you aren’t even sure you want to do this work. Permission to reach out to explore if this is right for you, no strings or pushy sales tactics here.⁠

If you liked this episode, please consider giving me a 5 Star Review on Apple Podcasts! It truly does help the podcast grow. 

Have a topic or question you’d like Amanda to address on a future episode? Submit it on this anonymous form.

Making Time When there is none with Amanda Testa

Your Ultimate Guide to a Pleasure-Filled, Stress-Free Summer.

Do you constantly find yourself wishing for more time?

If yes, then this episode of the Find Your Feminine Fire podcast is your ticket to serenity amidst the summer frenzy. 

🔸 Are you juggling kids in summer camps, work commitments, and family fun time?

🔸 Do you constantly feel swamped with a never-ending to-do list?

🔸 Ever caught yourself longing for a quiet moment to yourself, or for some deep connection time with your loved ones?

If you answered ‘yes’ to any or all of the above, then we have tailored this episode just for you! 

Today, we dive into the art of time management and soulful connection.

Because believe it or not, there is a way to squeeze in ‘me-time’ , without feeling guilty, to enjoy deep connections with your loved ones, and to still have a pleasure filled summer. 

This episode reveals:

1️⃣ Actionable tips and tricks for reclaiming your time, ensuring you get to spend it the way you desire. 

2️⃣ A close look at why you might feel too busy and how you can break free from this cycle.

3️⃣ Key steps to weave in connection in your realtionship for a summer that’s fun, fulfilling, and surprisingly pleasurable.

It’s time to reclaim your summer! Let’s make this one a stress-free season filled with deep connections, self-care, and plenty of joy.

So, get your earphones ready, grab your favorite summer drink, and let’s unravel the secret to a more balanced, fulfilling summer. 

Listen in now, and let’s start making some room for you in your schedule. We promise – it’s not as impossible as you think.

Listen below, or tune in via: Apple Podcasts,Stitcher or Spotify.

JOIN IN THE DISCUSSION ON THIS EPISODE AND MORE IN MY FREE FACEBOOK GROUP, FIND YOUR FEMININE FIRE HERE.

Amanda Testa is a renowned healer, coach, and guide who has helped hundreds of clients reclaim their sexuality and confidence. With a mastery in coaching, pleasure embodiment, and somatic trauma resolution, she offers her clients a warm, supportive environment to heal, embrace pleasure, and cultivate deep connections in their relationships.

She is dedicated to helping her clients and students feel empowered and sexually confident, and she does so with a fierce, loving energy that inspires and uplifts. In her free time you can find her snuggling her lively 10-year-old, flirting with her sexy hubs, playing in nature, dancing under the stars to live music, and exploring the depths of sexuality on her thought-provoking Find Your Feminine Fire Podcast.

Amanda is an exceptional guide, whose skills and knowledge will inspire you to own your sensual power and create deep, meaningful connections in all aspects of your life.

Connect with Amanda here:https://www.amandatesta.com/https://www.instagram.com/abtesta/https://www.facebook.com/groups/1850377465204826

Want more support from Amanda? Schedule a confidential 1-1 call with Amanda⁠ here.

In this 45 min call, we’re going to identify your #1 block to pleasure, why it’s showing up in the way it is, and what to do to turn it around. ⁠⁠After doing this work for almost a decade, I can quickly identify the patterns holding you back, and show you the steps to change it. ⁠⁠Permission to reach out even if it feels scary. Permission to reach out even if you aren’t even sure you want to do this work. Permission to reach out to explore if this is right for you, no strings or pushy sales tactics here.⁠

If you liked this episode, please consider giving me a 5 Star Review on Apple Podcasts! It truly does help the podcast grow. 

Have a topic or question you’d like Amanda to address on a future episode? Submit it on this anonymous form.

How To date Like a goddesswith Allison Jayne

Are you struggling to Find your Feminine Fire in your dating life?  Maybe you are in partnership and want to stay magnetic?  If so listen up!

In this episode of “Find Your Feminine Fire,” I’m talking with Allison Jayne Ewing, a licensed clinical social worker and certified EFT practitioner, to discuss how to Date Like A Goddess.   

Allison shares her expertise on the art of tapping and how to use this powerful tool to support you to clear the blocks standing in the way of finding your perfect partner.

Allison share some juicy tips for midlife dating, as well as her insightful knowledge on modern society and its impact on our ability to embrace our femininity.

So, whether you’re looking to have more fun dating, rekindle the spark in your current relationship, or simply understand the nuances of tapping and how it can help you, this podcast episode is a must-listen.

Listen below, or tune in via: Apple Podcasts,Stitcher or Spotify.

Complete transcript below. 

JOIN IN THE DISCUSSION ON THIS EPISODE AND MORE IN MY FREE FACEBOOK GROUP, FIND YOUR FEMININE FIRE HERE.

Allison Jayne Ewing, is a psychotherapist and, EFT practitioner.  Surprised to find herself divorced at midlife, Allison realized none of the fairytales she read growing up said what happened when you did NOT live happily ever after.

Dazed and confused by her sudden single status, she embarked on the dreaded task of having to date again.Allison noticed she wasn’t alone. Many of her single friends were struggling with dating, and meeting shitty guys while desperately searching for ‘the one’.

The turning point was when she found the secret to turning on her feminine energy and attracting adoring men.

As a psychotherapist and an EFT practitioner for 25 years, Allison decided to focus on helping other midlife women find healthy available single men who will love and adore them. She has worked with hundreds of women to clear their unconscious blocks and manifest the life of their dreams.

Find her book, Learn To Date Like A Goddess, Find Love Again here!

Want more support from Amanda? Schedule a confidential 1-1 call with Amanda⁠ here.

In this 45 min call, we’re going to identify your #1 block to pleasure, why it’s showing up in the way it is, and what to do to turn it around. ⁠⁠After doing this work for almost a decade, I can quickly identify the patterns holding you back, and show you the steps to change it. ⁠⁠Permission to reach out even if it feels scary. Permission to reach out even if you aren’t even sure you want to do this work. Permission to reach out to explore if this is right for you, no strings or pushy sales tactics here.⁠

If you liked this episode, please consider giving me a 5 Star Review on Apple Podcasts! It truly does help the podcast grow. 

Have a topic or question you’d like Amanda to address on a future episode? Submit it on this anonymous form.

Amanda Testa [00:00:04]:

Welcome everyone to the podcast. It’s your host, Amanda Testa. So what happens when happily ever after does not happen for you? So maybe you’re finding yourself in the dating pool again in midlife and you’re like, what? but you’re in luck. because today, if you’re looking to date like a goddess, or if you’re already in a relationship and you’re really wanting to learn some powerful tips to magnetize your partner, and feel more confident in the bedroom, you’re in for a treat today. Today, I am going to be talking with Alison J. Ewing. She’s a licensed clinical social worker and a certified EFT practitioner who’s also a divorce and dating woman. She has just re recently written an amazing new book called Learn To Date Like a Goddess Find Love again. And so we are gonna be diving into all kinds of goodness today around really how we can use tapping among other things to, you know, kind of clear the things that are in the way of creating the relationship that we want, finding your empowerment around dating and feeling good in the process and all kinds of ways to have fun in the process. So welcome so much, Allison. So happy to have you here. Thanks. I’m really happy to be here. Yeah. And I’m curious if you would just kind of share a little bit more about you and what, you know, led you to be so passionate to write the book.

Allison Jayne [00:01:19]:

Sure, I am happy to. I was a psychotherapist, classically trained for a really long time in my career, and as time went on, I began realizing that my clients through regular sort of more traditional talk therapy would have these great insights- but weren’t able to apply them. And so I dealt into more mind body techniques to see if I could try to break some of those barriers down for people, and I came across EFT tapping, which I find to be a complete game changer. So I switched my whole practice to working with clients exclusively with EFT tapping, and then, I got divorced. And when I went through that experience, it certainly changes a person. Right? My whole identity had to shift, and I had to really figure out who I was, who this new version of me was going to be because certainly it’s not what anyone expects, I don’t believe to to be single again. And for me, it was in my early forties. And then I slowly gathered a group of women around me who were also divorced. They sort of jokingly called me the divorce whisperer in my town, and I and I made some really amazing wonderful friendships out of this as we, as single women, kinda bonded together through not just our experience of of gone through having gone through a divorce, but also this entering the world of dating.

Amanda Testa [00:02:53]:

Yeah. And

Allison Jayne [00:02:54]:

I think one of the most pivotal experiences I had was I had a a friend, well, she’s a good friend now and a colleague now because she does date coaching as well, who was going through her divorce, and I did not know her so well at that point. And I said to her, hey. Listen. I’m sure you’re not maybe ready right now, but when you’re ready to date, like, call me. Let’s get a drink. I’ll help you. I’m super excited for you. It’s gonna be fun. I’ll help you set up a profile, anything you wanna pick my brain about. I’m here for you. And later she told me something that really kind of caught me off guard at the time, which was, she said you were the only cheerleader in my life at that time about dating. Literally, everyone else in her world had kind of come to her with these, like, UGGG you have to date again. That’s gonna be so awful. I’m so sorry. You must be dreading that and things like that. So her friends and family were really negative about it, and she actually was excited. You know, she was nervous and all the things we all feel, but she was kind of excited. There’s something to having another shot at love that can be very exciting once you’ve worked through some of the the pain and the, you know, negativity of of your last relationship ending. And So it just highlighted for me that I have something to offer people, and it eventually led me to gatherings stories of my clients and my friends and my own experiences and pulling them together in this book that I wrote last summer.

Amanda Testa [00:04:26]:

Beautiful. I love it. And I think you’re you know, it’s it’s true. You know, people have such a varied view on dating and what that entails and all of it, and especially when you’re in a different phase in life and all of those things. So I’m wondering too, you know, I think a lot of times, even when whether you’re in a relationship and you want to feel more like just have fun again and feel like that because I think that’s one of the things I personally that you should always date even if you’re in a long term relationship. Like, keep it fun and keep the, you know I’m curious, you know, when it comes to kind of working through people’s blocks around that. What do you find, like, is number the one of the number one things that are holding people back from putting themselves out there in that way or, like, opening up? to to more.

Allison Jayne [00:05:12]:

Yeah. So what was very interesting to me is when the book came out, I had a lot of my married friends read it out of support. And I thought, oh, that’s so nice of them, but they’re not gonna get anything out of this book. And boy was I surprised with the feedback that I got. where they said, oh my gosh. This was so eye opening to me. And the one chapter in particular that a lot of people who were already in relationships gave me some feedback on is also a little bit of a controversial chapter in a way and I wanna be very careful how I talk about it because I really believe that the secret to a very successful heterosexual relationship is for the woman to be in her feminine energy as much of the time as possible. And then allowing the man to be in his masculine energy space. And listen, I’m a die hard feminist. I was a women’s studies minor in college. And when I first started hearing about this concept of masculine/ feminine energy, I was a little turned off by it. So I’m guessing maybe even of your listeners might be right now. And I I was very skeptical. And as I started doing more research on it and delving in and figuring out what exactly is this that people are talking about out there, I realized how powerful this skill actually is if you really can get it get it right and understand it. So feminine energy is all about flow. It’s about receptivity it is sort of for yogis out there, the yin to the yang. And so yin is very quiet. It’s very gentle, it’s relaxed. And masculine energy, the sort of yang energy, is the go go go produce, create, build. It’s that always sort of in action mode, whereas the feminine energy is more in receptive mode. And here’s the thing, in our modern day society, the masculine energy is certainly the most rewarded. I mean, we all know that. Right? We have to go go go career wise and and just in terms of maybe parenting or lifeing. Right? Like, life requires a lot of masculine energy, a lot of doing kind of energy, and it’s it’s definitely valued more as well as rewarded better. And so I think what has happened over time is women have gotten so focused on being in their masculine energy to be able to get all the things done that they need to get done on every day, that they then continue to stay in that masculine energy in their intimate relationship, and that is where it really doesn’t serve us. If women can start to sort of lean in more to their feminine energy space in their intimate in their most intimate, their romantic relationship, they can kind of give up the reins, lean back energetically speaking, and allow their man to be in his masculine and his doing energy and allow him to do for her, to do for you. So what happens though is when I bring that up, a lot of women immediately gets scared and have a big reaction to that and feel things like, well, if I do that, he’s not gonna step up, or he’s you know, nothing’s gonna happen there. But on the converse, what I’ve heard from a lot of men is I feel like she doesn’t need me at all, and they feel sort of sort of pushed out when you’re in when you’re incorporating all the masculine energy in the relationship, they just don’t really have space to step up and and be the hero, frankly, that they wanna be. And some people challenge me on this number, but I say about 90% of men are good men that want to do that. They want to be the hero for their woman in some way, shape, or form, and every man’s a little different in how they show up in that way. If you are with a man that isn’t interested in that, I say get rid of him because there’s better ones out there. And I really do think that most of the time when men start to isolate in a relationship, you know, think about the guys who go golfing all day and then stay at the bar for hours after and don’t come home or the guys who just veg out on the couch and watch TV and don’t really try to interact I would say that’s a situation where you wanna try to practice getting out of your masculine energy, leaning into your feminine energy more and seeing if he’s then able to start showing up and being more present with you because he’s suddenly feeling needed. So how does this look? It’s it looks like asking him to do things for you. And when he does, literally saying, Thank you so much. You’re my hero. It it’s not trying to control how he does it either. It’s hey. I need some help with this and such. Can you do that? You know? And then not telling him exactly how to do it, just letting him do it. and then kind of reinforcing the parts that you liked about whatever it is he does. But I think that as women were so used to being in control all the time, we’re gonna tell them to grocery shop, and then we’re gonna tell them exactly how to do it, exactly what I also go and exactly what to get, and we’re not gonna leave any space rather than I super appreciate that you shopped, and I loved that you got a, b, and c. And then just kinda let that go and receive the guesture, And then maybe at a future time, you could have a conversation about something more specific that you needed him to do that wasn’t done. But in the moment, you just wanna receive his masculine doing for you, and it’s really kind of a win win when you can do it because You are less frazzled. You are more relaxed when you’re in your feminine energy, and he gets to be the the man, the guy that he has always wanted to be for you.

Amanda Testa [00:11:36]:

I do I mean, I do feel like that oftentimes your partner wants to please you. Right? And I think when it comes to, like, the energetics, there’s so many things around that, but it’s just like there’s a polarity no matter your you know, no matter what your gender identification is, no matter where you stand. because there’s lots of nonbinary, and I wanna honor that too. Like, People might not always resonate with these terms, but I think what is true is, like and you can kind of flow in between them sometimes too. I think it’s it’s important to just being to notice. Right? Like, whether you wanna call it masculine, feminine, or right brain, left brainer, Yin and Yang, or, like, the lunar energy and the solar energy, they have similar properties. And you can tell in a relationship who like, a stronger in one area than the other. And it’s so true, like, in our society, it is so built on, you know, like achieving and doing and, like, extracting all that you can for yourself. And I also see too a lot of times is that we don’t relax and let go to have someone else support and that’s such a huge key. Right? The — Right. — being able to let someone else support you. And especially if you’ve been hurt or you’re dating or you’ve been in a long term relationship maybe where there’s in in, like, engrained patterns, but I’m curious. You know, like, what are some other ways that you think help you know, help people help women feel more ease in, like, opening up to receive until, like, get support because that can be very hard.

Allison Jayne [00:12:54]:

Yeah. It’s can be really hard. And I think that when when we’ve been sort of conditioned not to receive. Actually, I was just having a conversation with some girlfriends about this yesterday about how we it really can be difficult and we’re just not used to it, so it can feel really uncomfortable. And I also wanna clarify here that I’m not talking about when I when I say more in your feminine energy, I’m not talking about being a doormat, because being a doormat is somebody who is just always trying to please the other person and always trying to do what they want or what they you know, you’re basically trying to earn their love by being the person you think they want you to be, and that is actually sneakily that yang energy because it is that doing energy. So I just wanna really, like, emphasize that part, but that’s not what I’m talking about here. I’m really talking about being in that receptive energy where intimacy builds. That’s where intimacy truly builds. When you’re able to just let go and let your guard down and just truly be you, and allow the other person to do for you – that is when these deep seeds of intimacy can grow and foster. And when you’re always I got this. I got this. I got this. You’re kind of shutting the other person out. And so what we were talking about yesterday was why is it so hard for women to receive, which I guess, was your question there that you we started this with and it’s I I think part of it is just ingrained in us. I think part of it is we are so used to being givers. I heard recently that women invest reinvest 90% of their income into the family compared I don’t know what it is with men, but it’s less. And so it’s that’s just, like, sort of what we’ve been so culturally. What’s the word? conditioned into. Conditioned. Thank you. Yes. Conditioned to be and to do. And so it can be really uncomfortable to start to let go of the reins, to start to allow to receive from someone else because we’re not in control. And when we’re not in control, our brain says, beep, beep, not safe, not safe. Right? Like, our brain goes on, like, fight or flight, like, not being in control feels unsafe, and so that’s where it can feel really scary. So one thing I try to talk with my clients about is just remember how good it feels though when YOU are the giver. And if that’s how we need to backdoor away into receiving, we would we can backdoor into receiving that way. Think about that you’re receiving is helping someone else. And I think a lot of women can relate to that. a little bit better and then it feels more comfortable and just know that, yeah, when you allow for someone else to help you, it makes them feel good. For me, it was a really difficult life lesson that I was forced to learn on this receptivity stuff when I first got divorced because I was a single parent of a nine and eleven year old. Their dad moved an hour away, and my parents, no family here, nothing. So I suddenly had to figure out how to frequently be in two places at once for my 2 different kids and juggle all of this stuff, and I simply couldn’t do it. And I had to very humbly just allow ,ask. First of all, ask for help. which is really hard, and then allow it and allow that receptivity in. And so it by being forced to have to receive, I realized how good it was for me, frankly for my children, and for the people that were giving to me. So when I started reading about this stuff with dating and playing around with it, frankly, I experimented with some different guys that I was dating. I realized, wow. This is incredible. I become extremely magnetic to these men when they know that they can do things that will light me up, that will make me happy, when I will receive whatever it is that they want to do for me, and they really do generally wanna please you.

Amanda Testa [00:17:13]:

Yeah. I love that so much. I’m curious too because, you know, I think when it comes to kind of weaving in the EFT, with helping people move through some of these blocks. First of all, maybe just describe what EFT is for those who aren’t familiar and then kinda how it helps.

Allison Jayne [00:17:29]:

Okay. My favorite topic. EFT tapping is a lot of times people will just hear about it as tapping, is basically a combination of tapping on one’s own acupressure points on your body. I can never do this without tapping on myself while I’m in these interviews. So you’re tap on 9 different acupressure points on your body and while you’re processing traumatic or emotional material. And what that does is it sends a calming signal to the amygdala to the fight or flight part of our brain, and there’s been some really fascinating research. This is not just we think what’s happening. They’re finding this is what’s happening at a biological level with EEGs and blood and saliva tests. that it puts you into this very calm state. It puts you into what’s known as an alpha brainwaves state, which is sort of that relaxed state you get into before sleep or if you’ve ever done yoga, Shavasana, or if you for meditators out there, that’s your alpha brain wave state when you’re meditating. So simply by tapping on these acupressure points, it puts you in this meditative state, and therefore, our biological system, our neurological system, I should say, is either turned one way or turned the other. It’s kind of an on off switch. So we’re either in this sympathetic nervous state of high emotion or we’re in this parasympathetic nervous state of relaxed alpha chilled out kind of state. And so when you are tapping and it’s bringing you into that state, the emotion that you’re feeling simply can’t continue to operate in your body, that switch gets flipped off, and eventually, the emotion will have to get shut down, and it’s the coolest feeling ever. It feels like it just evaporates out of your body. If you tap long enough and stick with it, sometimes you have to persist a little. Sometimes not. Sometimes it’s pretty quick. And so when the emotion is gone, what the theory is right now is that a new neural pathway actually gets created and when the new pathway gets created, you basically don’t look at the situation the same anymore. because you’re not it’s not the same neural pathway. So you see it differently. You certainly feel differently about it, and you can have a lot of times new thoughts about it, which is very exciting, so new insight and new thoughts. So the way you use it with this whole piece about dating is in relationship struggles and all of it is when you tap on whatever it is that’s bothering you, You clear out that negative emotion, and suddenly you have a new view on the situation. And when you have a new view, you start acting different towards the person, and I cannot tell you it’s wild how many times I’ve seen this happen. the other person will start acting differently in response to your shift and your change on the inside.

Amanda Testa [00:20:25]:

Yeah. It’s amazing how, you know, because a lot of times people will think, well, if I’m the only one doing anything, why would I bother? Like, if my partner not willing or if I’m not finding people that I wanna date or whatever, but it makes such a difference when you do the work on yourself because it does bring, you know, when you’re in more of alignment with who you truly are authentically when you are feeling good and you are more magnetic to people. The people that are in your life and people you wanna bring it to your life. Right?

Allison Jayne [00:20:52]:

Absolutely. Yeah. That’s actually the whole premise of the program that I have is change on the inside and what shows up on the outside changes. It doesn’t matter. You don’t have to change your dating profile pictures. You don’t have to, you know, start going out every night or anything. When you do the internal work and you really start clearing the blocks of what it is that’s holding you back, the unconscious fears that you didn’t even realize you had about being in a relationship or about intimacy, or any of that. When you start doing that work and clearing it, the people you are supposed to connect with show up, and they just show up naturally. It’s wild and amazing. It actually just happened to me just this past week with a client who’s about halfway through my 8 week program and was started to get frustrated. I could tell. She was like, nothing still still nobody online is chatting with me. I’m not getting anywhere. Nothing’s happening. And then this Monday, she showed up, and she said, okay. I had 2 dates. And so many people are chatting me up. So many guys are chatting me up. I can’t even keep track. And And I said, right. See what I told you? It’s like a switch flips all of a sudden. When you’ve done enough of the internal work, you do. You become magnetic. And people often ask me or they sort of implied to me, well, that sounds magical, and I agree. It does sound magical. but it is not. It is neuroscience. There is a part of our brain called the reticular activating system that is responsible for seeing patterns. And one of the stories I tell in my book, which is, like, my favorite story to tell, is how there was a a client who had done a lot of work herself, tapping. She’d done a lot of other energy modalities. a lot of self introspection clear out some traumatic stuff from past relationships, childhood. And the whole time she was doing this work, she lived in a high rise building for about 8 years And one day, she gets on her elevator, and she notices this, like, handsome guy, and I’ve seen pictures. He’s very handsome and objectively speaking. Right? So she was like, oh, who’s this guy? And they start chatting, and he asks her out on a date, and they go out. And they start dating. And a couple weeks into dating, he says to her, you know, I’ve seen you on the elevator for 8 years and you never said hi to me, and you never noticed me. And it turns out he’s this really great guy. And here she was spending all these 8 years going out with jerks because that was her schema, her internal psychological representation of what love was. You know, sometimes if we have an early caretaker who is who is sort of maybe hot and cold or emotionally unavailable, our brains think, well, emotionally unavailable or hot and cold is love. So I’m going to be attracted to those people. This is all unconscious. Right? So once she cleared all that out, her brain suddenly saw someone who wasn’t that way. And it was almost like magic that she suddenly saw him and was able to go out with him. Meanwhile, you’ve been sitting here the whole time. And so it’s really interesting. And I always tell people, it’s like the part of the brain that, you know, when you decide, okay, I wanna buy, let’s say, a Tesla, and then you see Tesla’s everywhere all of a sudden, and you were like, were those Teslas there before? Of course, they were there the whole time, but your brain wasn’t seeing them. So once you start to change your internal schema for love and what that can mean in all. And you start to expect more that actually, I expect to be adored. I don’t just want to be sort of liked. Then your brain will start looking for men

Amanda Testa [00:24:42]:

who are going to step up and adore you or partners, I should say. Yeah. I think that’s so great. And I think too because I personally have been married for since 2010. So my husband and I have been together for, like, 14 years. But what I love is that, you know, I am a big fan of — people that listen to the podcast know. Like, I’m a big fan of working on your own your own self and your own sexuality, and you’re and cultivating that energy within yourself, And when I’m like I when I can tell too, and I’m like, well, I better start doing some practices and get back into my own energy, and it feels so good. And then When I do that, he is like, can’t get enough. He cannot get enough. And it’s so it’s like so interesting because you can tell too, And and we all are human. Like, we’ll have cycles. It’s normal to, like, go through times where you’re challenged and, like, you know, we go through the seasons.

Allison Jayne [00:25:34]:

I

Amanda Testa [00:25:35]:

Nothing all in one day or however it goes. But but it’s like when you can take that time to, like, just pour into yourself, it’s amazing.

Allison Jayne [00:25:43]:

Yeah. It is. And it is a practice. Right? I was talking a friend about this recently because it’s so easy to get off track and to get sort of out of the habit of basically keeping your vibe up Right? Like, one of the stories that I tell in the book is how I was able to shift from going out. There was a period of time where I was going out sort of looking. You know? I wanna find the 1. Right? Like so I I have this, like, searching vibe, which is definitely a turn off to people in general. Right? And so I realized, okay. I needed to shift my vibe to one of simply just having fun. I just wanna go out and have fun. And this one night, when I was really focused on it, I went out with some friends. I’m just getting fun. I’m not gonna worry. I’m not even gonna try to meet anyone. And, of course, as the night went on, my brain started going, oh, look at you know, I wonder if there’s a guy here. I wonder if there’s a guy there. Just add a habit. And I said, nope. Just like meditation. Right? You gotta bring it back to your breath. Right? So in this case, I said, nope. You gotta bring it back to fun. I gotta bring my mind back to fun to this practice that I have set up for myself. And so I did. I just kept going back to fun over and over and over. And, in fact, I did meet a guy that night. And I didn’t even realize for the first, like, 10, 15 minutes that he was flirting with me because I really was not focused on finding anyone. But suddenly, I became magnetic. Whereas, I can tell you there have been nights I’ve gone out looking and nothing. I get nothing. I get no, you know, no interest from anyone. And so so much of it is about your vibe, and I think that keeping your vibe up is so crucial, and it’s hard, and it’s impossible to keep it up all the time. And you don’t wanna try to keep it up in a fake way. It’s so important to feel what you need to feel. I have a whole chapter on that in the book too because you have to feel what you need to feel first. You can’t force yourself into feeling better. You can’t force yourself for instance into gratitude, you know — Right. — once you clear what you’re resentful about, gratitude naturally bubbles up. So that’s where I love the EFT tapping because it helps clear that stuff away. But then when you can shift your vibe and keep it high, you you do. You have this magnetism. You pull people in, not just people. circumstances, opportunities, all sorts of things, miraculous things come into your life when you’re in flow, and the best way to stay in flow is some kind of practice if it’s daily meditation, daily EFT. I’m a big fan of affirmations. I’ve been actually encouraging my clients to use some of the reels or TikTok ones that repeat over and over because you can just, like, kinda leave it on while you’re I’m a big fan of Abraham Hicks stuff. And, you know, you can leave it on while you’re getting ready in the morning and just hear everything’s working out in my favor. It always is. Somehow, someway, it’s working out of my favor. Shift that mindset, and you shift your vibe, and so then you shift who you draw into you on a regular basis.

Amanda Testa [00:28:51]:

I love that, and I think that’s too why, like, mixing in the tapping is so key because oftentimes, if there’s a part of you that doesn’t believe the affirmations, you gotta do the deeper work to be like, get it all on board. And that’s so I’m wondering if this you know, I have a a question. You can let me know how this lands for you, but I’m curious if you might be willing. to maybe walk us through, like, a short little tapping around embracing your magnetism or kind of feeling into your, like, juicy feminine self.

Allison Jayne [00:29:17]:

Yeah. I love it. Yeah. Would that be something you’d be open to do? Yeah. Yeah. You would. So there’s there are

Allison Jayne [00:29:26]:

let me say. There’s two ways of doing tapping in a way. Tapping always works on the negative emotion or the negative energy. And so a lot of times you’re gonna hear, and if anybody goes to youtube, or whatever, you’re gonna hear people tapping on negative statements. And that is because we wanna honor what we feel first. Like I was just saying, we gotta clear whatever it is that’s in the way of natural. Love is our natural state. We gotta clear the blocks to love for love to come out and for us to become magnetic for it. And so that’s what mostly we do, but I know some people struggle with that because they think, oh, I’m supposed to be saying these affirmations, and you’re making me say these negative statements. So I always wanna caveat that. Now you can’t actually just tap on an affirmation sometimes too because if if you are resistant to the affirmation, simply by tapping on the positive affirmation, you’re actually clearing the resistance to it. Yeah. So that’s like a little secret. Not too many people in the EFT world talk about, but it’s very effective. So so for instance, if you’re feeling like, oh god, I don’t wanna I really don’t wanna date let’s say, you just recently got single. I don’t wanna start dating again. You can tap on even though like, I am so excited to date again. I am dying to date again. I am so looking forward to it. And all this sorta, like, part of you that’s, like, fuck off will come up and get cleared. while you tap on that. So that is that’s just — Yeah. — to know about that. So — Yeah. — with the example that you used of sort of, okay, being able to lean into your feminine, I would say the biggest block that people have to that is the fear of letting go of control — Yes. — and just leaning back. So we can tap on fear of letting go of control, and

Amanda Testa [00:31:17]:

See where that takes us. I love that. I think that’s such a good one too because, I mean, it it’s relevant to everything, and I often see it a lot too in in when it comes to sex as well because that piece of surrender is so huge and letting go to enjoying the experience. And so this is very I think is a perfect topic.

Allison Jayne [00:31:35]:

Perfect. Yeah. That’s such a good point that in in the chapter I I have on sex. I talk about mindfulness in the bedroom. which is really the key to experiencing a lot of pleasure is if you can get out of your head and into your body and really feel all the feels, and that requires letting go of control as well. Right? And that can be really scary to people. So but it will just completely transform your sex life if you’re if you’re able to do So, yeah, I think this is a good one. And I do on my YouTube channel, there’s a tapping instructional video. There’s so many resources. People can just Google how to do tapping, and you’ll see. And so I know you guys can’t see me, so I’ll just try to talk you through the tapping points. And, hopefully, everyone will catch on to exactly what we’re doing. So you wanna take your fingertips on one hand and tap on the side of the other hand below the fleshy side of your hand below the pinky knuckle. And people often ask me, does it matter what hands it does not? People often ask me, does it matter what the order of the points that we tap in, not technically, but the reason we always teach it in about the same order is just for muscle memory, it helps you remember it faster. That’s that’s about it. But it’s not probably gonna change your results per se. If you tap in different orders and some people start with tapping on the top of the head and some people end on it, that’s a common difference that people will see out there. But Okay. So we’re gonna start by tapping, like I said, on the side of the hand. And then gonna say a statement here 3 times, and the statement is known as the setup statement because we’re pairing some kind of statement of acceptance with the problem that we’re trying to change. And the reason for that is we’re trying to prime the brain. We have to accept where we are before we are able to change. It’s the ultimate paradox of mental health if you ask me because it’s we don’t wanna accept where we are. We just want we don’t wanna be here. We wanna get to there. But the fact of the matter is we’re here right now So that’s what I think is really powerful about this technique is that we accept where we are, and then we work towards the change. So we we kind of allow our brain to feel safer in that way. So we’ll do the setup statement 3 times. Then we’re gonna move to inside the eyebrow where the bridge of the nose and the eyebrows meet and tap there. You can do both hands or one. And then the next point is the side of the eyes, just outside the eyes, not quite the temple, followed by the under the eye point on the bony ridge right below your pupil, the under the nose point, which is right where the upper lip and nose meet. The next point is often referred to as the chin, but it’s actually in the crease of the chin. I’m gonna tap there. The next point is called the collarbone, but again this is just below the collarbone, so you find it by going to the hollow of your neck, you go down about an inch and over about 2. There’s a little dense there. That’s your collarbone point. The next point is under the arm about 2 inches below your armpits right around your rib cage, and the last point is just on the top of your head and I know there’s a lot of type a people out there who would say, well, exactly where is the crown point? So the trick is you take your thumbs, you put them behind your ears, there’s these weird little dents you probably never knew were there. And then you bring your middle fingers together and down, and that is the top of your that is your exact crown point. And so when you’re tapping, you’re just using your fingertips on that point, and then we stop and take a deep breath. k? So now we can go through it together. And if you’ll be my echo back voice — I will. — say something. You will just repeat after me, and everybody listening along, if you repeat, if you echo back, you will get more out of this. So I encourage you to try that. So just start by kinda tuning into your body and just feeling this feeling of, oh, I don’t wanna give up control. It doesn’t feel safe, it doesn’t feel comfortable, and maybe give it a number on a scale 1 to 10, how intense does that feel. and then we can just start by tapping on the side of the hand and repeat after me and say, even though it feels scary to let go of this control.

Amanda Testa [00:36:00]:

Even though it feels scary to let go of this control.

Allison Jayne [00:36:03]:

And just lean back and receive.

Amanda Testa [00:36:06]:

And just lean back and receive.

Allison Jayne [00:36:08]:

I accept that I have this fear.

Amanda Testa [00:36:11]:

I accept that I have this fear.

Allison Jayne [00:36:14]:

Even though it feels scary to just let go of control.

Amanda Testa [00:36:19]:

Even though it just feel it feels scary to just let go of control.

Allison Jayne [00:36:23]:

To just be in my feminine flow receptivity?

Amanda Testa [00:36:27]:

to just be in my feminine flow receptivity. Without doing anything? Without doing anything. Just receiving? Just receiving. That feels kinda scary. That feels kinda scary.

Allison Jayne [00:36:42]:

And I accept that it feels scary.

Amanda Testa [00:36:44]:

And I accept that it feels scary.

Allison Jayne [00:36:47]:

And even though it does feel scary to give up control,

Amanda Testa [00:36:50]:

and even though it does feel scary to give up control.

Allison Jayne [00:36:54]:

I’m not used to it. I’m not used to it. I don’t know what’s gonna happen. I don’t know what’s gonna happen. So, yeah, it feels scary.

Amanda Testa [00:37:02]:

So, yeah, it feels scary.

Allison Jayne [00:37:04]:

And I accept that I’m a little bit afraid. And I accept that I’m a little bit afraid. because I accept all of me. because I accept all of me. Okay. Now I’m going to the eyebrow point, that inside eyebrow, and tapping there, and just saying this fear of giving up control.

Amanda Testa [00:37:19]:

This fear of giving up control.

Allison Jayne [00:37:21]:

Going to the side of the eye. This fear of just leaning back and receiving.

Amanda Testa [00:37:26]:

the fear of just leaning back and receiving.

Allison Jayne [00:37:29]:

Without doing anything. Without doing anything. Under the eye? It’s scary to think about. It’s scary to think about. Under the nose, it’s scary to think about just giving up control.

Amanda Testa [00:37:44]:

It’s scary to think about just giving up control.

Allison Jayne [00:37:47]:

Chin crease? Yeah. I feel that it’s scary.

Amanda Testa [00:37:53]:

Yeah. I feel that it’s scary.

Allison Jayne [00:37:55]:

collarbone point. I feel this scared feeling in my body.

Amanda Testa [00:38:00]:

I feel the scared feeling in my body.

Allison Jayne [00:38:03]:

Just thinking about it. Just thinking about it. Under the arm, it is scary to give up control.

Amanda Testa [00:38:08]:

It is scary to give up control.

Allison Jayne [00:38:11]:

Tap of the head. Yeah. It’s scary.

Amanda Testa [00:38:15]:

Yeah. It’s scary.

Allison Jayne [00:38:17]:

k. Deep breath. And now you test the effectiveness by tuning back in to that feeling of, oh it’s hard to give up control, And what’s your new number? Did you have a drop in your number?

Amanda Testa [00:38:40]:

It did. I even just feel like my body’s like, ahh

Allison Jayne [00:38:44]:

Yeah. Yeah. That’s that alpha brain wave kicking in even after one round. Yeah. So you can imagine if you do sort of multiple rounds on this issue if your number dropped by 1, 2, or 3, keep going. Ideally, you want your number to be 3 or less, and then you know you’ve kinda cleared it, and you’ll see sometimes it takes about 24 hours for you to really notice a big difference, but people can start to see things shift and change. And sometimes when you tap on one emotion, another emotion will creep up So maybe your fear of letting go of control might have been less 7. And then when you tap on it, like, sadness might pop up at a 9, and you think, oh, gosh. Like, I feel sad. I really haven’t been letting my partner in. I’ve been so controlling. So that’s okay. Just keep tapping and tap it down. It is designed to be a self help tool. Most people can use it that way. If it’s really feeling super intense, I would recommend, you know, finding a practitioner to work with, if you’re dealing with big stuff, you never wanna deal with, like, big trauma or anything on your own. But for just simple little things like this. It’s the best self help tool I’ve found.

Amanda Testa [00:39:57]:

Hello. I love tapping too because I think And it’s really good for people that might not enjoy meditating or have a hard time just sitting there because it’s like an active process that can be really helpful. It keeps your you’re you’re focused on what you’re doing. And so you just and once you get the habit, you can do it around anything, which I love. And it’s also great to use with kids. I love using it with my daughter. It’s such a great it’s a great tool. So and it’s so versatile, which is great. But I love how you specifically you know, like, how your methods specifically works with dating and, like, really finding that goddess within. Like, date like a goddess. I love that name because it’s true. It’s like we have when we can show up in that way that it really does bringour radiance online and just our life force energy and all that good juicy stuff that we want. Like, we want to be our best self in the world, and it doesn’t always have to look like doing and striving.

Allison Jayne [00:40:51]:

Right. Right. And when you show up in that highest goddess vibe, not only are you do see it confident and magnetic in that way, But you’re also boundaried, Right? But you’re also you’re when you feel like a true goddess who truly deserves the best treatment, you are not gonna put up with a guy who’s treating you anything less than that, and you’re not gonna have any fear of never finding another one because you’re gonna just know I know I deserve this, and I am a goddess, and I can’t. And I can just draw in another guy next week if you’re not going to step up and be who I deserve. And that in and of itself is an idea that I think blows the minds of a lot of women, and it’s hard, and it’s scary to have that kind of faith that, okay, if I let this guy go who’s not prioritizing me or who’s hot and cold or whatever, that another one will come along. And so that’s a perfect thing to tap on. It’s even though I’m afraid that if I let this guy go, I’ll never find another guy, I accept that I have this fear. That’s a perfect one right there that’ll keep you in that high goddess. Alright? I I know what I deserve, and I’m gonna wait. Like — Mhmm. — like a a queen would wait for the right, you know, the right treatment to come along for her.

Amanda Testa [00:42:06]:

I think that’s true. I think a lot of times when people are looking for a new relationship, you know, they don’t wanna repeat the same things they’ve had in the past, and they are, like, done. with putting up with different things. And so it’s important, I think, to sometimes get help from a professional so that you can move forward, making sure you’re not carrying around that past baggage and things so that you are able to truly, connect with who you want in the way you want. Right? So thank you so much for all this goodness. I’d love if you wouldn’t mind, you know, sharing more about where everyone can connect with you and find your book and all of that good stuff.

Allison Jayne [00:42:38]:

Yeah. Yes. Thank you. So my website is learntodatelikeagoddess.com, and I actually have a special offer for any of your listeners can go to my website right now and download a free e copy of my book and start to explore every chapter has a tapping script in it to help you start to clear away some of these blocks. So that’s a great opportunity for everyone listening, and You can also find me on instagram at @allisonjaynegoddessmaker

Amanda Testa [00:43:13]:

Beautiful. And I’ll make sure as well to put all this in the show notes so everyone can hit that goodness as well as I’m wondering, you know, if there are maybe as any word you’d like to share if there’s anything that a question that I you know, that you wish I would have asked.

Allison Jayne [00:43:30]:

that’s a good question. I think that the big message that I do try to convey to women at midlife is don’t let fear lead you down a path in any way, shape, or form when it comes to relationships. I do think that when you’re dating in your forties, 50,60s, it can feel like there’s some clock ticking, like you’re running out of time, and it can kind of cloud your judgment or lead you into paths of either maybe picking the wrong person or or just not dating at all and just throwing in the towel. And, you know, my friend says there’s a lid for every pot. First of all, we truly believe that. And, also, just it’s it’s you don’t need to meet a 1000, guys, you’re just looking for your one guy or your one partner. And so just do the work on yourself. Keep your heart as open as possible, which is clearing out all the blocks to that, and you will draw in the person for you, the ideal right fit person for you.

Amanda Testa [00:44:43]:

Well, thank you so much again, Allison. It’s been such a pleasure to have you, and thank you all for listening. Again, you’ll find all those resources in the show notes. So we will look forward to seeing you next week. Thank you for being here. Yes.Amanda Testa [00:00:04]:

Welcome everyone to the podcast. It’s your host, Amanda Testa. So what happens when happily ever after does not happen for you? So maybe you’re finding yourself in the dating pool again in midlife and you’re like, what? but you’re in luck. because today, if you’re looking to date like a goddess, or if you’re already in a relationship and you’re really wanting to learn some powerful tips to magnetize your partner, and feel more confident in the bedroom, you’re in for a treat today. Today, I am going to be talking with Alison J. Ewing. She’s a licensed clinical social worker and a certified EFT practitioner who’s also a divorce and dating woman. She has just re recently written an amazing new book called Learn To Date Like a Goddess Find Love again. And so we are gonna be diving into all kinds of goodness today around really how we can use tapping among other things to, you know, kind of clear the things that are in the way of creating the relationship that we want, finding your empowerment around dating and feeling good in the process and all kinds of ways to have fun in the process. So welcome so much, Allison. So happy to have you here. Thanks. I’m really happy to be here. Yeah. And I’m curious if you would just kind of share a little bit more about you and what, you know, led you to be so passionate to write the book.

Allison Jayne [00:01:19]:

Sure, I am happy to. I was a psychotherapist, classically trained for a really long time in my career, and as time went on, I began realizing that my clients through regular sort of more traditional talk therapy would have these great insights- but weren’t able to apply them. And so I dealt into more mind body techniques to see if I could try to break some of those barriers down for people, and I came across EFT tapping, which I find to be a complete game changer. So I switched my whole practice to working with clients exclusively with EFT tapping, and then, I got divorced. And when I went through that experience, it certainly changes a person. Right? My whole identity had to shift, and I had to really figure out who I was, who this new version of me was going to be because certainly it’s not what anyone expects, I don’t believe to to be single again. And for me, it was in my early forties. And then I slowly gathered a group of women around me who were also divorced. They sort of jokingly called me the divorce whisperer in my town, and I and I made some really amazing wonderful friendships out of this as we, as single women, kinda bonded together through not just our experience of of gone through having gone through a divorce, but also this entering the world of dating.

Amanda Testa [00:02:53]:

Yeah. And

Allison Jayne [00:02:54]:

I think one of the most pivotal experiences I had was I had a a friend, well, she’s a good friend now and a colleague now because she does date coaching as well, who was going through her divorce, and I did not know her so well at that point. And I said to her, hey. Listen. I’m sure you’re not maybe ready right now, but when you’re ready to date, like, call me. Let’s get a drink. I’ll help you. I’m super excited for you. It’s gonna be fun. I’ll help you set up a profile, anything you wanna pick my brain about. I’m here for you. And later she told me something that really kind of caught me off guard at the time, which was, she said you were the only cheerleader in my life at that time about dating. Literally, everyone else in her world had kind of come to her with these, like, UGGG you have to date again. That’s gonna be so awful. I’m so sorry. You must be dreading that and things like that. So her friends and family were really negative about it, and she actually was excited. You know, she was nervous and all the things we all feel, but she was kind of excited. There’s something to having another shot at love that can be very exciting once you’ve worked through some of the the pain and the, you know, negativity of of your last relationship ending. And So it just highlighted for me that I have something to offer people, and it eventually led me to gatherings stories of my clients and my friends and my own experiences and pulling them together in this book that I wrote last summer.

Amanda Testa [00:04:26]:

Beautiful. I love it. And I think you’re you know, it’s it’s true. You know, people have such a varied view on dating and what that entails and all of it, and especially when you’re in a different phase in life and all of those things. So I’m wondering too, you know, I think a lot of times, even when whether you’re in a relationship and you want to feel more like just have fun again and feel like that because I think that’s one of the things I personally that you should always date even if you’re in a long term relationship. Like, keep it fun and keep the, you know I’m curious, you know, when it comes to kind of working through people’s blocks around that. What do you find, like, is number the one of the number one things that are holding people back from putting themselves out there in that way or, like, opening up? to to more.

Allison Jayne [00:05:12]:

Yeah. So what was very interesting to me is when the book came out, I had a lot of my married friends read it out of support. And I thought, oh, that’s so nice of them, but they’re not gonna get anything out of this book. And boy was I surprised with the feedback that I got. where they said, oh my gosh. This was so eye opening to me. And the one chapter in particular that a lot of people who were already in relationships gave me some feedback on is also a little bit of a controversial chapter in a way and I wanna be very careful how I talk about it because I really believe that the secret to a very successful heterosexual relationship is for the woman to be in her feminine energy as much of the time as possible. And then allowing the man to be in his masculine energy space. And listen, I’m a die hard feminist. I was a women’s studies minor in college. And when I first started hearing about this concept of masculine/ feminine energy, I was a little turned off by it. So I’m guessing maybe even of your listeners might be right now. And I I was very skeptical. And as I started doing more research on it and delving in and figuring out what exactly is this that people are talking about out there, I realized how powerful this skill actually is if you really can get it get it right and understand it. So feminine energy is all about flow. It’s about receptivity it is sort of for yogis out there, the yin to the yang. And so yin is very quiet. It’s very gentle, it’s relaxed. And masculine energy, the sort of yang energy, is the go go go produce, create, build. It’s that always sort of in action mode, whereas the feminine energy is more in receptive mode. And here’s the thing, in our modern day society, the masculine energy is certainly the most rewarded. I mean, we all know that. Right? We have to go go go career wise and and just in terms of maybe parenting or lifeing. Right? Like, life requires a lot of masculine energy, a lot of doing kind of energy, and it’s it’s definitely valued more as well as rewarded better. And so I think what has happened over time is women have gotten so focused on being in their masculine energy to be able to get all the things done that they need to get done on every day, that they then continue to stay in that masculine energy in their intimate relationship, and that is where it really doesn’t serve us. If women can start to sort of lean in more to their feminine energy space in their intimate in their most intimate, their romantic relationship, they can kind of give up the reins, lean back energetically speaking, and allow their man to be in his masculine and his doing energy and allow him to do for her, to do for you. So what happens though is when I bring that up, a lot of women immediately gets scared and have a big reaction to that and feel things like, well, if I do that, he’s not gonna step up, or he’s you know, nothing’s gonna happen there. But on the converse, what I’ve heard from a lot of men is I feel like she doesn’t need me at all, and they feel sort of sort of pushed out when you’re in when you’re incorporating all the masculine energy in the relationship, they just don’t really have space to step up and and be the hero, frankly, that they wanna be. And some people challenge me on this number, but I say about 90% of men are good men that want to do that. They want to be the hero for their woman in some way, shape, or form, and every man’s a little different in how they show up in that way. If you are with a man that isn’t interested in that, I say get rid of him because there’s better ones out there. And I really do think that most of the time when men start to isolate in a relationship, you know, think about the guys who go golfing all day and then stay at the bar for hours after and don’t come home or the guys who just veg out on the couch and watch TV and don’t really try to interact I would say that’s a situation where you wanna try to practice getting out of your masculine energy, leaning into your feminine energy more and seeing if he’s then able to start showing up and being more present with you because he’s suddenly feeling needed. So how does this look? It’s it looks like asking him to do things for you. And when he does, literally saying, Thank you so much. You’re my hero. It it’s not trying to control how he does it either. It’s hey. I need some help with this and such. Can you do that? You know? And then not telling him exactly how to do it, just letting him do it. and then kind of reinforcing the parts that you liked about whatever it is he does. But I think that as women were so used to being in control all the time, we’re gonna tell them to grocery shop, and then we’re gonna tell them exactly how to do it, exactly what I also go and exactly what to get, and we’re not gonna leave any space rather than I super appreciate that you shopped, and I loved that you got a, b, and c. And then just kinda let that go and receive the guesture, And then maybe at a future time, you could have a conversation about something more specific that you needed him to do that wasn’t done. But in the moment, you just wanna receive his masculine doing for you, and it’s really kind of a win win when you can do it because You are less frazzled. You are more relaxed when you’re in your feminine energy, and he gets to be the the man, the guy that he has always wanted to be for you.

Amanda Testa [00:11:36]:

I do I mean, I do feel like that oftentimes your partner wants to please you. Right? And I think when it comes to, like, the energetics, there’s so many things around that, but it’s just like there’s a polarity no matter your you know, no matter what your gender identification is, no matter where you stand. because there’s lots of nonbinary, and I wanna honor that too. Like, People might not always resonate with these terms, but I think what is true is, like and you can kind of flow in between them sometimes too. I think it’s it’s important to just being to notice. Right? Like, whether you wanna call it masculine, feminine, or right brain, left brainer, Yin and Yang, or, like, the lunar energy and the solar energy, they have similar properties. And you can tell in a relationship who like, a stronger in one area than the other. And it’s so true, like, in our society, it is so built on, you know, like achieving and doing and, like, extracting all that you can for yourself. And I also see too a lot of times is that we don’t relax and let go to have someone else support and that’s such a huge key. Right? The — Right. — being able to let someone else support you. And especially if you’ve been hurt or you’re dating or you’ve been in a long term relationship maybe where there’s in in, like, engrained patterns, but I’m curious. You know, like, what are some other ways that you think help you know, help people help women feel more ease in, like, opening up to receive until, like, get support because that can be very hard.

Allison Jayne [00:12:54]:

Yeah. It’s can be really hard. And I think that when when we’ve been sort of conditioned not to receive. Actually, I was just having a conversation with some girlfriends about this yesterday about how we it really can be difficult and we’re just not used to it, so it can feel really uncomfortable. And I also wanna clarify here that I’m not talking about when I when I say more in your feminine energy, I’m not talking about being a doormat, because being a doormat is somebody who is just always trying to please the other person and always trying to do what they want or what they you know, you’re basically trying to earn their love by being the person you think they want you to be, and that is actually sneakily that yang energy because it is that doing energy. So I just wanna really, like, emphasize that part, but that’s not what I’m talking about here. I’m really talking about being in that receptive energy where intimacy builds. That’s where intimacy truly builds. When you’re able to just let go and let your guard down and just truly be you, and allow the other person to do for you – that is when these deep seeds of intimacy can grow and foster. And when you’re always I got this. I got this. I got this. You’re kind of shutting the other person out. And so what we were talking about yesterday was why is it so hard for women to receive, which I guess, was your question there that you we started this with and it’s I I think part of it is just ingrained in us. I think part of it is we are so used to being givers. I heard recently that women invest reinvest 90% of their income into the family compared I don’t know what it is with men, but it’s less. And so it’s that’s just, like, sort of what we’ve been so culturally. What’s the word? conditioned into. Conditioned. Thank you. Yes. Conditioned to be and to do. And so it can be really uncomfortable to start to let go of the reins, to start to allow to receive from someone else because we’re not in control. And when we’re not in control, our brain says, beep, beep, not safe, not safe. Right? Like, our brain goes on, like, fight or flight, like, not being in control feels unsafe, and so that’s where it can feel really scary. So one thing I try to talk with my clients about is just remember how good it feels though when YOU are the giver. And if that’s how we need to backdoor away into receiving, we would we can backdoor into receiving that way. Think about that you’re receiving is helping someone else. And I think a lot of women can relate to that. a little bit better and then it feels more comfortable and just know that, yeah, when you allow for someone else to help you, it makes them feel good. For me, it was a really difficult life lesson that I was forced to learn on this receptivity stuff when I first got divorced because I was a single parent of a nine and eleven year old. Their dad moved an hour away, and my parents, no family here, nothing. So I suddenly had to figure out how to frequently be in two places at once for my 2 different kids and juggle all of this stuff, and I simply couldn’t do it. And I had to very humbly just allow ,ask. First of all, ask for help. which is really hard, and then allow it and allow that receptivity in. And so it by being forced to have to receive, I realized how good it was for me, frankly for my children, and for the people that were giving to me. So when I started reading about this stuff with dating and playing around with it, frankly, I experimented with some different guys that I was dating. I realized, wow. This is incredible. I become extremely magnetic to these men when they know that they can do things that will light me up, that will make me happy, when I will receive whatever it is that they want to do for me, and they really do generally wanna please you.

Amanda Testa [00:17:13]:

Yeah. I love that so much. I’m curious too because, you know, I think when it comes to kind of weaving in the EFT, with helping people move through some of these blocks. First of all, maybe just describe what EFT is for those who aren’t familiar and then kinda how it helps.

Allison Jayne [00:17:29]:

Okay. My favorite topic. EFT tapping is a lot of times people will just hear about it as tapping, is basically a combination of tapping on one’s own acupressure points on your body. I can never do this without tapping on myself while I’m in these interviews. So you’re tap on 9 different acupressure points on your body and while you’re processing traumatic or emotional material. And what that does is it sends a calming signal to the amygdala to the fight or flight part of our brain, and there’s been some really fascinating research. This is not just we think what’s happening. They’re finding this is what’s happening at a biological level with EEGs and blood and saliva tests. that it puts you into this very calm state. It puts you into what’s known as an alpha brainwaves state, which is sort of that relaxed state you get into before sleep or if you’ve ever done yoga, Shavasana, or if you for meditators out there, that’s your alpha brain wave state when you’re meditating. So simply by tapping on these acupressure points, it puts you in this meditative state, and therefore, our biological system, our neurological system, I should say, is either turned one way or turned the other. It’s kind of an on off switch. So we’re either in this sympathetic nervous state of high emotion or we’re in this parasympathetic nervous state of relaxed alpha chilled out kind of state. And so when you are tapping and it’s bringing you into that state, the emotion that you’re feeling simply can’t continue to operate in your body, that switch gets flipped off, and eventually, the emotion will have to get shut down, and it’s the coolest feeling ever. It feels like it just evaporates out of your body. If you tap long enough and stick with it, sometimes you have to persist a little. Sometimes not. Sometimes it’s pretty quick. And so when the emotion is gone, what the theory is right now is that a new neural pathway actually gets created and when the new pathway gets created, you basically don’t look at the situation the same anymore. because you’re not it’s not the same neural pathway. So you see it differently. You certainly feel differently about it, and you can have a lot of times new thoughts about it, which is very exciting, so new insight and new thoughts. So the way you use it with this whole piece about dating is in relationship struggles and all of it is when you tap on whatever it is that’s bothering you, You clear out that negative emotion, and suddenly you have a new view on the situation. And when you have a new view, you start acting different towards the person, and I cannot tell you it’s wild how many times I’ve seen this happen. the other person will start acting differently in response to your shift and your change on the inside.

Amanda Testa [00:20:25]:

Yeah. It’s amazing how, you know, because a lot of times people will think, well, if I’m the only one doing anything, why would I bother? Like, if my partner not willing or if I’m not finding people that I wanna date or whatever, but it makes such a difference when you do the work on yourself because it does bring, you know, when you’re in more of alignment with who you truly are authentically when you are feeling good and you are more magnetic to people. The people that are in your life and people you wanna bring it to your life. Right?

Allison Jayne [00:20:52]:

Absolutely. Yeah. That’s actually the whole premise of the program that I have is change on the inside and what shows up on the outside changes. It doesn’t matter. You don’t have to change your dating profile pictures. You don’t have to, you know, start going out every night or anything. When you do the internal work and you really start clearing the blocks of what it is that’s holding you back, the unconscious fears that you didn’t even realize you had about being in a relationship or about intimacy, or any of that. When you start doing that work and clearing it, the people you are supposed to connect with show up, and they just show up naturally. It’s wild and amazing. It actually just happened to me just this past week with a client who’s about halfway through my 8 week program and was started to get frustrated. I could tell. She was like, nothing still still nobody online is chatting with me. I’m not getting anywhere. Nothing’s happening. And then this Monday, she showed up, and she said, okay. I had 2 dates. And so many people are chatting me up. So many guys are chatting me up. I can’t even keep track. And And I said, right. See what I told you? It’s like a switch flips all of a sudden. When you’ve done enough of the internal work, you do. You become magnetic. And people often ask me or they sort of implied to me, well, that sounds magical, and I agree. It does sound magical. but it is not. It is neuroscience. There is a part of our brain called the reticular activating system that is responsible for seeing patterns. And one of the stories I tell in my book, which is, like, my favorite story to tell, is how there was a a client who had done a lot of work herself, tapping. She’d done a lot of other energy modalities. a lot of self introspection clear out some traumatic stuff from past relationships, childhood. And the whole time she was doing this work, she lived in a high rise building for about 8 years And one day, she gets on her elevator, and she notices this, like, handsome guy, and I’ve seen pictures. He’s very handsome and objectively speaking. Right? So she was like, oh, who’s this guy? And they start chatting, and he asks her out on a date, and they go out. And they start dating. And a couple weeks into dating, he says to her, you know, I’ve seen you on the elevator for 8 years and you never said hi to me, and you never noticed me. And it turns out he’s this really great guy. And here she was spending all these 8 years going out with jerks because that was her schema, her internal psychological representation of what love was. You know, sometimes if we have an early caretaker who is who is sort of maybe hot and cold or emotionally unavailable, our brains think, well, emotionally unavailable or hot and cold is love. So I’m going to be attracted to those people. This is all unconscious. Right? So once she cleared all that out, her brain suddenly saw someone who wasn’t that way. And it was almost like magic that she suddenly saw him and was able to go out with him. Meanwhile, you’ve been sitting here the whole time. And so it’s really interesting. And I always tell people, it’s like the part of the brain that, you know, when you decide, okay, I wanna buy, let’s say, a Tesla, and then you see Tesla’s everywhere all of a sudden, and you were like, were those Teslas there before? Of course, they were there the whole time, but your brain wasn’t seeing them. So once you start to change your internal schema for love and what that can mean in all. And you start to expect more that actually, I expect to be adored. I don’t just want to be sort of liked. Then your brain will start looking for men

Amanda Testa [00:24:42]:

who are going to step up and adore you or partners, I should say. Yeah. I think that’s so great. And I think too because I personally have been married for since 2010. So my husband and I have been together for, like, 14 years. But what I love is that, you know, I am a big fan of — people that listen to the podcast know. Like, I’m a big fan of working on your own your own self and your own sexuality, and you’re and cultivating that energy within yourself, And when I’m like I when I can tell too, and I’m like, well, I better start doing some practices and get back into my own energy, and it feels so good. And then When I do that, he is like, can’t get enough. He cannot get enough. And it’s so it’s like so interesting because you can tell too, And and we all are human. Like, we’ll have cycles. It’s normal to, like, go through times where you’re challenged and, like, you know, we go through the seasons.

Allison Jayne [00:25:34]:

I

Amanda Testa [00:25:35]:

Nothing all in one day or however it goes. But but it’s like when you can take that time to, like, just pour into yourself, it’s amazing.

Allison Jayne [00:25:43]:

Yeah. It is. And it is a practice. Right? I was talking a friend about this recently because it’s so easy to get off track and to get sort of out of the habit of basically keeping your vibe up Right? Like, one of the stories that I tell in the book is how I was able to shift from going out. There was a period of time where I was going out sort of looking. You know? I wanna find the 1. Right? Like so I I have this, like, searching vibe, which is definitely a turn off to people in general. Right? And so I realized, okay. I needed to shift my vibe to one of simply just having fun. I just wanna go out and have fun. And this one night, when I was really focused on it, I went out with some friends. I’m just getting fun. I’m not gonna worry. I’m not even gonna try to meet anyone. And, of course, as the night went on, my brain started going, oh, look at you know, I wonder if there’s a guy here. I wonder if there’s a guy there. Just add a habit. And I said, nope. Just like meditation. Right? You gotta bring it back to your breath. Right? So in this case, I said, nope. You gotta bring it back to fun. I gotta bring my mind back to fun to this practice that I have set up for myself. And so I did. I just kept going back to fun over and over and over. And, in fact, I did meet a guy that night. And I didn’t even realize for the first, like, 10, 15 minutes that he was flirting with me because I really was not focused on finding anyone. But suddenly, I became magnetic. Whereas, I can tell you there have been nights I’ve gone out looking and nothing. I get nothing. I get no, you know, no interest from anyone. And so so much of it is about your vibe, and I think that keeping your vibe up is so crucial, and it’s hard, and it’s impossible to keep it up all the time. And you don’t wanna try to keep it up in a fake way. It’s so important to feel what you need to feel. I have a whole chapter on that in the book too because you have to feel what you need to feel first. You can’t force yourself into feeling better. You can’t force yourself for instance into gratitude, you know — Right. — once you clear what you’re resentful about, gratitude naturally bubbles up. So that’s where I love the EFT tapping because it helps clear that stuff away. But then when you can shift your vibe and keep it high, you you do. You have this magnetism. You pull people in, not just people. circumstances, opportunities, all sorts of things, miraculous things come into your life when you’re in flow, and the best way to stay in flow is some kind of practice if it’s daily meditation, daily EFT. I’m a big fan of affirmations. I’ve been actually encouraging my clients to use some of the reels or TikTok ones that repeat over and over because you can just, like, kinda leave it on while you’re I’m a big fan of Abraham Hicks stuff. And, you know, you can leave it on while you’re getting ready in the morning and just hear everything’s working out in my favor. It always is. Somehow, someway, it’s working out of my favor. Shift that mindset, and you shift your vibe, and so then you shift who you draw into you on a regular basis.

Amanda Testa [00:28:51]:

I love that, and I think that’s too why, like, mixing in the tapping is so key because oftentimes, if there’s a part of you that doesn’t believe the affirmations, you gotta do the deeper work to be like, get it all on board. And that’s so I’m wondering if this you know, I have a a question. You can let me know how this lands for you, but I’m curious if you might be willing. to maybe walk us through, like, a short little tapping around embracing your magnetism or kind of feeling into your, like, juicy feminine self.

Allison Jayne [00:29:17]:

Yeah. I love it. Yeah. Would that be something you’d be open to do? Yeah. Yeah. You would. So there’s there are

Allison Jayne [00:29:26]:

let me say. There’s two ways of doing tapping in a way. Tapping always works on the negative emotion or the negative energy. And so a lot of times you’re gonna hear, and if anybody goes to youtube, or whatever, you’re gonna hear people tapping on negative statements. And that is because we wanna honor what we feel first. Like I was just saying, we gotta clear whatever it is that’s in the way of natural. Love is our natural state. We gotta clear the blocks to love for love to come out and for us to become magnetic for it. And so that’s what mostly we do, but I know some people struggle with that because they think, oh, I’m supposed to be saying these affirmations, and you’re making me say these negative statements. So I always wanna caveat that. Now you can’t actually just tap on an affirmation sometimes too because if if you are resistant to the affirmation, simply by tapping on the positive affirmation, you’re actually clearing the resistance to it. Yeah. So that’s like a little secret. Not too many people in the EFT world talk about, but it’s very effective. So so for instance, if you’re feeling like, oh god, I don’t wanna I really don’t wanna date let’s say, you just recently got single. I don’t wanna start dating again. You can tap on even though like, I am so excited to date again. I am dying to date again. I am so looking forward to it. And all this sorta, like, part of you that’s, like, fuck off will come up and get cleared. while you tap on that. So that is that’s just — Yeah. — to know about that. So — Yeah. — with the example that you used of sort of, okay, being able to lean into your feminine, I would say the biggest block that people have to that is the fear of letting go of control — Yes. — and just leaning back. So we can tap on fear of letting go of control, and

Amanda Testa [00:31:17]:

See where that takes us. I love that. I think that’s such a good one too because, I mean, it it’s relevant to everything, and I often see it a lot too in in when it comes to sex as well because that piece of surrender is so huge and letting go to enjoying the experience. And so this is very I think is a perfect topic.

Allison Jayne [00:31:35]:

Perfect. Yeah. That’s such a good point that in in the chapter I I have on sex. I talk about mindfulness in the bedroom. which is really the key to experiencing a lot of pleasure is if you can get out of your head and into your body and really feel all the feels, and that requires letting go of control as well. Right? And that can be really scary to people. So but it will just completely transform your sex life if you’re if you’re able to do So, yeah, I think this is a good one. And I do on my YouTube channel, there’s a tapping instructional video. There’s so many resources. People can just Google how to do tapping, and you’ll see. And so I know you guys can’t see me, so I’ll just try to talk you through the tapping points. And, hopefully, everyone will catch on to exactly what we’re doing. So you wanna take your fingertips on one hand and tap on the side of the other hand below the fleshy side of your hand below the pinky knuckle. And people often ask me, does it matter what hands it does not? People often ask me, does it matter what the order of the points that we tap in, not technically, but the reason we always teach it in about the same order is just for muscle memory, it helps you remember it faster. That’s that’s about it. But it’s not probably gonna change your results per se. If you tap in different orders and some people start with tapping on the top of the head and some people end on it, that’s a common difference that people will see out there. But Okay. So we’re gonna start by tapping, like I said, on the side of the hand. And then gonna say a statement here 3 times, and the statement is known as the setup statement because we’re pairing some kind of statement of acceptance with the problem that we’re trying to change. And the reason for that is we’re trying to prime the brain. We have to accept where we are before we are able to change. It’s the ultimate paradox of mental health if you ask me because it’s we don’t wanna accept where we are. We just want we don’t wanna be here. We wanna get to there. But the fact of the matter is we’re here right now So that’s what I think is really powerful about this technique is that we accept where we are, and then we work towards the change. So we we kind of allow our brain to feel safer in that way. So we’ll do the setup statement 3 times. Then we’re gonna move to inside the eyebrow where the bridge of the nose and the eyebrows meet and tap there. You can do both hands or one. And then the next point is the side of the eyes, just outside the eyes, not quite the temple, followed by the under the eye point on the bony ridge right below your pupil, the under the nose point, which is right where the upper lip and nose meet. The next point is often referred to as the chin, but it’s actually in the crease of the chin. I’m gonna tap there. The next point is called the collarbone, but again this is just below the collarbone, so you find it by going to the hollow of your neck, you go down about an inch and over about 2. There’s a little dense there. That’s your collarbone point. The next point is under the arm about 2 inches below your armpits right around your rib cage, and the last point is just on the top of your head and I know there’s a lot of type a people out there who would say, well, exactly where is the crown point? So the trick is you take your thumbs, you put them behind your ears, there’s these weird little dents you probably never knew were there. And then you bring your middle fingers together and down, and that is the top of your that is your exact crown point. And so when you’re tapping, you’re just using your fingertips on that point, and then we stop and take a deep breath. k? So now we can go through it together. And if you’ll be my echo back voice — I will. — say something. You will just repeat after me, and everybody listening along, if you repeat, if you echo back, you will get more out of this. So I encourage you to try that. So just start by kinda tuning into your body and just feeling this feeling of, oh, I don’t wanna give up control. It doesn’t feel safe, it doesn’t feel comfortable, and maybe give it a number on a scale 1 to 10, how intense does that feel. and then we can just start by tapping on the side of the hand and repeat after me and say, even though it feels scary to let go of this control.

Amanda Testa [00:36:00]:

Even though it feels scary to let go of this control.

Allison Jayne [00:36:03]:

And just lean back and receive.

Amanda Testa [00:36:06]:

And just lean back and receive.

Allison Jayne [00:36:08]:

I accept that I have this fear.

Amanda Testa [00:36:11]:

I accept that I have this fear.

Allison Jayne [00:36:14]:

Even though it feels scary to just let go of control.

Amanda Testa [00:36:19]:

Even though it just feel it feels scary to just let go of control.

Allison Jayne [00:36:23]:

To just be in my feminine flow receptivity?

Amanda Testa [00:36:27]:

to just be in my feminine flow receptivity. Without doing anything? Without doing anything. Just receiving? Just receiving. That feels kinda scary. That feels kinda scary.

Allison Jayne [00:36:42]:

And I accept that it feels scary.

Amanda Testa [00:36:44]:

And I accept that it feels scary.

Allison Jayne [00:36:47]:

And even though it does feel scary to give up control,

Amanda Testa [00:36:50]:

and even though it does feel scary to give up control.

Allison Jayne [00:36:54]:

I’m not used to it. I’m not used to it. I don’t know what’s gonna happen. I don’t know what’s gonna happen. So, yeah, it feels scary.

Amanda Testa [00:37:02]:

So, yeah, it feels scary.

Allison Jayne [00:37:04]:

And I accept that I’m a little bit afraid. And I accept that I’m a little bit afraid. because I accept all of me. because I accept all of me. Okay. Now I’m going to the eyebrow point, that inside eyebrow, and tapping there, and just saying this fear of giving up control.

Amanda Testa [00:37:19]:

This fear of giving up control.

Allison Jayne [00:37:21]:

Going to the side of the eye. This fear of just leaning back and receiving.

Amanda Testa [00:37:26]:

the fear of just leaning back and receiving.

Allison Jayne [00:37:29]:

Without doing anything. Without doing anything. Under the eye? It’s scary to think about. It’s scary to think about. Under the nose, it’s scary to think about just giving up control.

Amanda Testa [00:37:44]:

It’s scary to think about just giving up control.

Allison Jayne [00:37:47]:

Chin crease? Yeah. I feel that it’s scary.

Amanda Testa [00:37:53]:

Yeah. I feel that it’s scary.

Allison Jayne [00:37:55]:

collarbone point. I feel this scared feeling in my body.

Amanda Testa [00:38:00]:

I feel the scared feeling in my body.

Allison Jayne [00:38:03]:

Just thinking about it. Just thinking about it. Under the arm, it is scary to give up control.

Amanda Testa [00:38:08]:

It is scary to give up control.

Allison Jayne [00:38:11]:

Tap of the head. Yeah. It’s scary.

Amanda Testa [00:38:15]:

Yeah. It’s scary.

Allison Jayne [00:38:17]:

k. Deep breath. And now you test the effectiveness by tuning back in to that feeling of, oh it’s hard to give up control, And what’s your new number? Did you have a drop in your number?

Amanda Testa [00:38:40]:

It did. I even just feel like my body’s like, ahh

Allison Jayne [00:38:44]:

Yeah. Yeah. That’s that alpha brain wave kicking in even after one round. Yeah. So you can imagine if you do sort of multiple rounds on this issue if your number dropped by 1, 2, or 3, keep going. Ideally, you want your number to be 3 or less, and then you know you’ve kinda cleared it, and you’ll see sometimes it takes about 24 hours for you to really notice a big difference, but people can start to see things shift and change. And sometimes when you tap on one emotion, another emotion will creep up So maybe your fear of letting go of control might have been less 7. And then when you tap on it, like, sadness might pop up at a 9, and you think, oh, gosh. Like, I feel sad. I really haven’t been letting my partner in. I’ve been so controlling. So that’s okay. Just keep tapping and tap it down. It is designed to be a self help tool. Most people can use it that way. If it’s really feeling super intense, I would recommend, you know, finding a practitioner to work with, if you’re dealing with big stuff, you never wanna deal with, like, big trauma or anything on your own. But for just simple little things like this. It’s the best self help tool I’ve found.

Amanda Testa [00:39:57]:

Hello. I love tapping too because I think And it’s really good for people that might not enjoy meditating or have a hard time just sitting there because it’s like an active process that can be really helpful. It keeps your you’re you’re focused on what you’re doing. And so you just and once you get the habit, you can do it around anything, which I love. And it’s also great to use with kids. I love using it with my daughter. It’s such a great it’s a great tool. So and it’s so versatile, which is great. But I love how you specifically you know, like, how your methods specifically works with dating and, like, really finding that goddess within. Like, date like a goddess. I love that name because it’s true. It’s like we have when we can show up in that way that it really does bringour radiance online and just our life force energy and all that good juicy stuff that we want. Like, we want to be our best self in the world, and it doesn’t always have to look like doing and striving.

Allison Jayne [00:40:51]:

Right. Right. And when you show up in that highest goddess vibe, not only are you do see it confident and magnetic in that way, But you’re also boundaried, Right? But you’re also you’re when you feel like a true goddess who truly deserves the best treatment, you are not gonna put up with a guy who’s treating you anything less than that, and you’re not gonna have any fear of never finding another one because you’re gonna just know I know I deserve this, and I am a goddess, and I can’t. And I can just draw in another guy next week if you’re not going to step up and be who I deserve. And that in and of itself is an idea that I think blows the minds of a lot of women, and it’s hard, and it’s scary to have that kind of faith that, okay, if I let this guy go who’s not prioritizing me or who’s hot and cold or whatever, that another one will come along. And so that’s a perfect thing to tap on. It’s even though I’m afraid that if I let this guy go, I’ll never find another guy, I accept that I have this fear. That’s a perfect one right there that’ll keep you in that high goddess. Alright? I I know what I deserve, and I’m gonna wait. Like — Mhmm. — like a a queen would wait for the right, you know, the right treatment to come along for her.

Amanda Testa [00:42:06]:

I think that’s true. I think a lot of times when people are looking for a new relationship, you know, they don’t wanna repeat the same things they’ve had in the past, and they are, like, done. with putting up with different things. And so it’s important, I think, to sometimes get help from a professional so that you can move forward, making sure you’re not carrying around that past baggage and things so that you are able to truly, connect with who you want in the way you want. Right? So thank you so much for all this goodness. I’d love if you wouldn’t mind, you know, sharing more about where everyone can connect with you and find your book and all of that good stuff.

Allison Jayne [00:42:38]:

Yeah. Yes. Thank you. So my website is learntodatelikeagoddess.com, and I actually have a special offer for any of your listeners can go to my website right now and download a free e copy of my book and start to explore every chapter has a tapping script in it to help you start to clear away some of these blocks. So that’s a great opportunity for everyone listening, and You can also find me on instagram at @allisonjaynegoddessmaker

Amanda Testa [00:43:13]:

Beautiful. And I’ll make sure as well to put all this in the show notes so everyone can hit that goodness as well as I’m wondering, you know, if there are maybe as any word you’d like to share if there’s anything that a question that I you know, that you wish I would have asked.

Allison Jayne [00:43:30]:

that’s a good question. I think that the big message that I do try to convey to women at midlife is don’t let fear lead you down a path in any way, shape, or form when it comes to relationships. I do think that when you’re dating in your forties, 50,60s, it can feel like there’s some clock ticking, like you’re running out of time, and it can kind of cloud your judgment or lead you into paths of either maybe picking the wrong person or or just not dating at all and just throwing in the towel. And, you know, my friend says there’s a lid for every pot. First of all, we truly believe that. And, also, just it’s it’s you don’t need to meet a 1000, guys, you’re just looking for your one guy or your one partner. And so just do the work on yourself. Keep your heart as open as possible, which is clearing out all the blocks to that, and you will draw in the person for you, the ideal right fit person for you.

Amanda Testa [00:44:43]:

Well, thank you so much again, Allison. It’s been such a pleasure to have you, and thank you all for listening. Again, you’ll find all those resources in the show notes. So we will look forward to seeing you next week. Thank you for being here. Yes.

Ignite and Inspire: Feminine Fire Success Stories with Allie Boyle

Discover the magic that unfolds when you Ignite Your Feminine Fire in today’s riveting episode. This week, we delve into a fascinating conversation with my esteemed former client, Allie Boyle.

Listen in as she shares about her powerful journey, turning self-doubt into unwavering self-trust, and enhancing connection and deeper open hearted communication in her relationship.

Listen in to discover:* The triggers that guided Allie, a successful businesswoman with impressive coaching, sales, and spiritual expertise, to seek the profound change that only specialized coaching support could provide.* The limitation of conventional coaching that merely brushes the surface, and the pressing need for in-depth healing and self-discovery.* The power of a trusted guide: See how partnering with Amanda enabled Allie to not just trust herself deeply, but also to embrace vulnerability in her relationships and unlock the doors to authentic self-expression.* The candid truth about the experience with a sex and relationship coach: A peek into what you can expect from this transformative journey.* The inevitable fears that creep in when contemplating an investment in coaching, and strategies to navigate these doubts.Our conversation shines a spotlight on the game-changing impact of the coaching experience, from heart-opening to fostering genuine connections, boosting self-trust, and so much more.Tune in to unlock insights about the life-altering possibilities that await when you dare to say YES to this transformative journey.

Listen below, or tune in via: Apple Podcasts,Stitcher or Spotify.

Complete transcript below. 

JOIN IN THE DISCUSSION ON THIS EPISODE AND MORE IN MY FREE FACEBOOK GROUP, FIND YOUR FEMININE FIRE HERE.

Want more support from Amanda? Schedule a confidential 1-1 call with Amanda⁠ here.

In this 45 min call, we’re going to identify your #1 block to pleasure, why it’s showing up in the way it is, and what to do to turn it around. ⁠⁠After doing this work for almost a decade, I can quickly identify the patterns holding you back, and show you the steps to change it. ⁠⁠Permission to reach out even if it feels scary. Permission to reach out even if you aren’t even sure you want to do this work. Permission to reach out to explore if this is right for you, no strings or pushy sales tactics here.⁠

If you liked this episode, please consider giving me a 5 Star Review on Apple Podcasts! It truly does help the podcast grow. 

Have a topic or question you’d like Amanda to address on a future episode? Submit it on this anonymous form.

Ignite and Inspire: Feminine Fire Success Stories with Allie Boyle E267Amanda Testa [00:00:01]:

Hello, and welcome to the Find Your Feminine Fire Podcast. I am your host, Amanda Testa. I am a sex love and relationship coach, and in this podcast, my guests and I talk sex, love and relationships, and everything that lights you up from the inside out. Welcome.

You and I, we’ve shared a lot together. From discussions about how to have amazing sex and deeply connected relationships, to sharing powerful strategies to amplify pleasure and connection in our lives. But there’s something I treasure above all, and that is supporting you.

The amazing person behind all the stories, the one embarking on this fantastic journey towards building an epic connection with yourself, your sexuality, and your relationships. It’s my primary mission to ensure that you have the resources and support that you need, so you never feel alone in this journey, and I want you to know I am right here with you.

But I want to do even more. I want to make it super easy for you to invest in yourself and your growth and your pleasure.

So here’s the big news. For a limited time, I’m offering our transformative Pleasure Foundation membership for 50% off. And this is a big discount because your journey towards more pleasure and connection matters that much to me. I want it to be like a no brainer, to drop in, and learn the tools you need to feel stronger, more confident, I believe this can be the gentle nudge you need to invest in your pleasure and to do the practices to support you receiving the deep connection and nourishment that you want.

So if you think you’ve been thinking about joining the Pleasure Foundation, consider this your sign. To grab this offer, please visit amandatesta.com/tpf. Again, it’s amandatesta.com/tpf, and I am beyond excited to welcome you on the inside.

Well, I am so excited to be here today with the amazing Allie Boyle, and Allie is a previous client and just an amazing human being. So thank you so much, first of all, for being open to coming on the podcast and talking about your experience of working together.

Allie Boyle [00:02:16]:

Absolutely. I’m so excited to have the opportunity to do it. I’ve just really enjoyed working with you, and am pumped to share that with other people and talk a little bit about the results today of what I was able to create. Amanda Testa:

Yeah. And I’d love it if you don’t mind, just sharing a little bit about who you are, and what kinda led you to this work, if you will.

Allie Boyle:

Yeah. Absolutely. I am a business woman and I’m in sales and have a little bit of a history in coaching. I got into it a few years ago and was really into, like, thought based work and then have pretty strong spirituality and was, you know, into meditation and, you know, the breath and a lot of things like that. And there was when I really looked at things, there was a gap that I was struggling to close between the two where I understood the, like, thoughts and that the energy work were all connected and I was coming out of a divorce a few years ago. I had a bunch of digestive issues and things that were you know, my belief is caused by a lot of stress that could be fed within my life or it could have been the way that I was perceiving it to be.

And I was looking for a way to better manage that and also noticing after the divorce where it’s having challenges in relationships. I was in a new one. I was really excited about it. Didn’t wanna bring any of that baggage in. And when I really looked at, like, what it was that I needed to work on and with the gap on, it was it was being able to, like, open up and connect in the way that I wanted to in this new relationship, but also, like, de stress and, like, figure out how to take all of this stuff that I’ve learned in spirituality and coaching and, like, interconnect it to, like, get that one last little push over the line.

Amanda Testa [00:03:53]:

I love that. Yeah. And I know I think one of the great things is, obviously, because of your background in coaching, you kinda have an understanding of personal development and growth and, like, being on that path of realizing that we don’t have all the answers. I think that people that are around us do their best, our culture is not the best at educating us specifically around relationships and connection. And so, you know, just kinda having that mindset of growth, and I really value that in you and how you show up too is just really open.

So I’m curious too because I know this piece I feel like a lot of time with a lot of my clients, the piece around relationships or sensuality or sexuality or whatever – It’s one of those things that can feel on the horizon, like,well, I’ll get to that one day.

But then that day comes, and you’re like, okay. Well, I do need to deal with this. And how everything is really all interconnected. I’m wondering if you might be willing to share a little bit about your experience with that if that feels okay.

Allie Boyle [00:04:43]:

Yeah. Definitely. So I think something that I realized after we worked together for a while was that the reason that I was not able to access the more feminine, vulnerable, sensual energy, was all about doing that personal work. And to reach that, you have to go all the way to the depths of it. And that was where I was struggling in that area because I’ve done a lot of the surface level work, and that was going well. Work was going better. Like, the standard things were pretty good.

But I still didn’t really feel great, and I still felt disconnected from my sense of self and I was seeking that, and I was struggling with understanding where to find it. And I was sitting on my couch one day, and I had been looking for a coach, and I had gone through a million different types of coaches that I needed. I needed a human design coach. I was gonna do all these career driven things, and I finally was like, let’s get real. What do you really need help with?

And I realized it was relationships and being connected, not only with somebody else, but, myself and and the struggle was really around figuring out how to get there and I didn’t realize it was all interconnected, and that was the coolest mind blowing part of the work that we’ve been able to do together is seeing how once I was able to reach that softer, more vulnerable place where my sensuality and feminine energy lies,

It kinda did all the other work around it that I was struggling to do too.

Amanda Testa:

Yeah. Yeah. I’m wondering too, when it came to kind of making that decision. What were your big biggest hesitations? What were your fears, do you think?

Allie Boyle [00:06:29]:

Yeah. That’s a great question. So I think my first hesitation was it was going out of the lane of a lot of the coaching that I already knew. So it was like, how do I find somebody that is gonna help me with this? And it’s gonna feel like a energetic, spiritual, I wanted it to vibe with what I was into and not just be about sex, and, like, the mechanics of things because I felt like there was plenty of places to, you know, find that, but, I remember reading a bio about you on something. It wasn’t even on your main page. I was literally searching just around with keywords that I don’t even remember what it was. And I was like, this is my type of person.

So I was doing something different. I was doing something that my other friends weren’t doing. It’s a financial commitment to yourself too that you’re, gonna take a dive and spend some money on yourself in a way that maybe everybody doesn’t understand where you’re not, like, oh, I’m investing in a business coach, and now I’m gonna make way more money. I did make more money, actually, over the time that we are working together.

so I’m certain it has paid for itself. Yeah. But it’s an outside the box thing to be looking into, and I’m really glad I did.

Amanda Testa:

Yeah. I’m wondering too when it comes to some of the work that we did together, is therea favorite part or a favorite moment or something that really stands out to you?

Allie Boyle [00:07:55]:

Yeah. I think, really, actually, I feel like right now because we’re so in the moment of I’ve had this really big shift just recently in where I was really happy in the relationship that I’m in and, like, that had been satisfying the whole time, something I was excited about, which is why I was really committed to trying to show up all the way and not bring in a bunch of old baggage from past failures or issues or whatever you wanna call it.

And I realized just over the last month that, like, I had really been able to open up my heart and really feel love in a way that I had never felt it before. And the connection that it’s opened up for me has been just such a beautiful experience, and everything just started to work. It’s like, all I had to do was be able to open up in that way and then everything fell in place right behind it. And I didn’t even know it’s like I woke up one day, and I was like, oh, wow, This is lovely!

Amanda Testa [00:08:58]:

That is amazing. I love that. I think too because a lot of the work’s subtle, but it’s powerful. Right? I think too because, you know, we worked together for a good six plus months, and I think, you know, a lot of times people are like, well, seems like a long time, but I do believe, you know, when you are doing this kind of deeper work on yourself. It takes time to make change, and it takes time to show up differently in your own nervous system and your body.

And so I’m wondering too – what you appreciated about the time that we spent together, because I know sometimes people are hesitant there. That seems like a long time, but I feel like it’s really important. I’m curious, what could you share about that?

Allie Boyle [00:09:53]:

Yeah. And I think people do see 6 months or even more. Like, you know, I extended my coaching and was really excited about that. And when you realize that this isn’t just relationship work or being able to have better sex work. I mean, those things happen, so that part’s certainly included. But you’re doing this amazing thing for your whole energetic system and opening this door to yourself that will allow you to be more creative.

It’s a self expression thing. You find joy in life, and the things that you love. And those were the things that I didn’t really realize I was signing up for. That I’ve been like “ OOHHH, all this comes with that!

I think doing a lot of breath work and energy work and things like that, like, really help me reset. And I was actually just talking to somebody yesterday about how you were saying to me, (and it resonated so much), it’s, like, secret work a little bit. You almost don’t know. Like, you go through these phases where you’re like, I don’t know if it’s working.

And then all of a sudden, you look back and you realize you’re like a totally different version of yourself in a really positive, beautiful way. Like, your true self, like coming home a little bit.

Amanda Testa [00:10:48]:

I love that. That’s so beautiful. I’m wondering too, you know, like, When it comes to some of those changes that you’ve noticed in yourself, maybe what would be some of the tangible things that you sense, like some of the things that have shifted.

Allie Boyle [00:11:01]:Yeah. I’ve naturally always been a high energy person, and it caused me to have a lot of issues with, like, stress and anxiety. Just because I stayed amped and one of the things that started me on this journey was trying to reset some energy habits that I had.

And I’ve been noticing it lately. It’s like I am way more chill. I’m more comfortable in my own skin. I don’t feel like I’m worried about things all the time or running over things in my head.

I’ve become much more trusting in the universe and overall myself, my capacity to make decisions, which again shows up I think in, sexuality, relationships, things like that- where I’m not nervous that I’m not doing the right thing or communicating something in the right way.

I know I can trust myself and that since I’m connected with who I am right now, I know that I really do know what I want. And that was something I didn’t even realize that I was struggling with before.

Amanda Testa:

That ability to trust whatever happens, like, you got it. I’ve got it because I can trust myself. That’s so huge.

Allie Boyle [00:12:11]:

Yeah. I would say trust is an overarching thing. Trust with my partner, trust with myself, trust that I just know. Even just finding your interests and what you’re about. As you start to really settle into your own skin your confidence just skyrockets and you just know who you are and you’re not searching for that.

Amanda Testa [00:12:34]:

It’s so awesome. I just am so thrilled for you and also the way that you showed up. Right? because it takes you too, being open and willing to dive in and go to those vulnerable places that feels hard. But I’m wondering, like, what kinda helped? What do you feel like maybe it was around maybe my coaching or what about the container the program? How do you think it helped to support you in just being vulnerable or being able to open to those more tender aspects, I guess.

Allie Boyle [00:12:57]:

I think you have a really good way of having a really light ,open, approachable energy.

I always felt comfortable, and, it was a safe space to talk about things that maybe I’m not used to talking about. And you start getting used to it.

It’s like you just take the little steps and you really do have a system that takes you through the right steps first, so you don’t just get dumped into this overwhelming topic and digging out all this painful stuff.

It’s actually really a fun experience. You learn a lot about yourself. There’s small wins all along the way so you can see what’s going on.

And then you really work your way up into the deeper spaces after you’ve worked through some of the other stuff. So I thought it just made a lot of sense.

And I found myself becoming more comfortable around openly discussing different topics about relationships, sex, myself, things that I might have been insecure about and just throwing it on the table.

And I just realized that at a certain point, you just have to decide to go there because, otherwise, you’re not gonna give yourself the gift of being able to have this full beautiful life that’s available.

Which makes me think about the time that my boyfriend was here, and we had a session, and I lost my mind because he was gonna be able to hear me. And it was a big thing though. I just decided to do the session.

And I told him afterwards that I was super nervous about it, and it really opened the door to being more open and vulnerable with each other. And I was like, oh my gosh. Why am I being weird about him hearing this session if I’m in the relationship with him? It was that stuff, like, just working through those types of things and even when he was there other days, I never cared again. And it was just like it just started opening more doors every time I just showed up. I just had to come, and that was it.

Amanda Testa [00:14:56]:Just showing up. And I wanna appreciate just the fact too that I do try to make it so it’s so it’s like baby steps. Right? You get where you’re going. but also you have to do it in a way that is doable. One of my teacher’s says this, which I love, “You can only go as fast as the slowest part of you is willing to go”. Which is why I think taking time, and following the steps in the process of building the foundation that you need to feel comfortable going to the deeper layers is huge. And so thank you for that feedback. Yeah. Yeah.

Allie Boyle [00:15:50]:

Totally. It makes me think of the coaching culture of just push through it. Like, just get it done, and that was not this. This was a much gentler, kinder way, and I think we got a lot more done.

Amanda Testa:

Yes. I love that. Thank you. The other thing I’m curious about too, because when we’re working with sexuality, obviously, there’s a lot involved but there’s a lot of intimidation. Like, what is this even? And I’m wondering if you have any words of wisdom or how you can just offer to people maybe why it doesn’t need to be as scary as they might think it is. Does that make sense?

Allie Boyle:

Yeah. No. It totally does. Yeah. I had no idea I was like, what are we gonna do? Is this gonna be, like, pornographic? I don’t know. I know I gotta do something about this situation, and this seems like somebody fits into the same types of things that I like, which I would also say even if you’re not, this is a great way to learn about some different things, so it does not mean that you need to be meditating or doing breath work or soul searching type things.

This is not super heavy there, but you will have the opportunity to learn about some new techniques and things. But I think that actually is a perfect way to go into the next topic of you have the opportunity to learn about whatever you want.

And I think you are very open about what I can get really technical about. Like , Hey, this is an issue that I’m having and, you know, I’m not feeling very satisfied in this area. What can I physically actually do? And there’s a lot of resources there, and you’ve given me, like, gosh. More than I can even, like, know what to do with, which I love.

So not an overwhelming amount that I need to do anything with at a certain time, but it’s just cool because I didn’t even know where to find this stuff. And you’ve got a lot of a lot in that lane, but then there was a lot in the side of really just, working on yourself and getting your energy into a place where you can open up to somebody and connect with someone and having the option to bring your partner on, there’s a lot of fluidity where it can go, but you still have the confidence to guide it and make sure that it is a meaningful time together.

Amanda Testa [00:17:41]:

Yeah. And then I always like to provide people with kind of, their own version of an online course, really, because if there’s Trello, and there’s, like, so many resources, So you can always go back to those even after our work is complete or if you have questions, then there’s always resources to support you as well. So, thank you for naming that.

I’m wondering too, what type of people do you think could benefit from this type of work would you say?

Allie Boyle [00:18:09]:

Everyone.Everyone can benefit from this. Like, for real. I am just a mom that’s in sales. I am not anything, like, super crazy special or different. I mean, I do think I’m very special, but, like —

Amanda Testa:

You are.

Allie Boyle:

But I think I’ve told all sorts of friends and family about it. I’ve become a lot more open about talking about the subject of sexuality, especially thinking about women. We have a culture of, now we’re supposed to do all of the work. We’ve got kids to raise, houses to keep up with. It’s a very busy lifestyle and it’s really hard to find time for your self care. And I think that just across the board, I personally don’t know someone that I don’t think would benefit from doing this work at all.

Amanda Testa [00:18:57]:

Mhmm. Thank you. I just so appreciate you as well, and thank you for being open. And I do feel like it’s so important to talk about because we don’t do it enough in our culture, really. Right?

And so it makes it feel it doesn’t have to be as hard as we think.

I was leading a womb workshop series for our friend of mine’s group, and Last night was our final call, but just even getting together and just having discussions about things that we never talk about, but we should – it just releases so much shame and just makes it feel so much easier and open, and really that is a huge part of it.

So thank you for being willing to share your experience. I’m wondering if there’s any last words or anything else that you would like to share.

Allie Boyle [00:19:40]:

Yeah. You know, I think it just it can be a really lonely topic, and it’s hard to find resourcesto help you whether you’re in a relationship that has not been good, (I was coming out of one) or, you know, you’re really just trying to connect more with yourself.

You don’t need to be in a relationship to do this work. And then also if you’re in a great one, and you wanna make it even better, which is kind of where I landed and that was exciting.

And it was like, hey. I wanna really get everything I can get out of this and not for him, but for me.

And the things that I was able to give myself open the doors and just I feel so much better. I feel so much more authentically me and just open.

It’s like a weight has lifted and it has opened the door to a great love and a much more beautiful life than I was leading before.

So I would recommend anybody that’s listening to this to deeply consider if you owe yourself doing this type of work because you won’t look back and regret it.

Amanda Testa [00:20:45]:

Yep. Thank you so much for being here and for sharing and just for who you are and all. I so appreciate you and your energy as well and just how you show up and think it’s a beautiful thing to witness your transformation as well because you’ve always had, like, that fiery spirit, but really seeing — the blossoming even more so.

And you shared something that reminded me earlier.

You know, I think too from just my own personal experience with this type of work, I remember I had already been with my husband for, like, 4 years or so at that point.

And I realized doing this work that I had never really opened my heart to him. I thought I had. but I really hadn’t. And I thought that we had a great connection, but it was really very performative. And, it’s radically transformed! Because there is I think in our culture too, we have some conditioning around just, like, protecting your heart, protecting yourself, you don’t need to fully let like, go there. And especially if you’ve been hurt in the past, right, it makes it hard. and you are very protective.

But,just being willing to open your heart and just trusting yourself, like, whatever happens I’ve got, I’ve got it. I’ve got myself. I can do these scary things because I trust myself, and that makes it so much different because when you fully open like that, it’s amazing how people around you respond. L

Allie Boyle [00:21:55]:

Oh, I love that. That’s SO it. I mean, it really is. You thought you had, but you hadn’t. And that was the same thing that I had happen, and since nobody really talks about this stuff, you just look at other people and you’re like, they seem happy. You don’t really know what’s going on behind doors and energetically, how really connected people actually are.

And it was mind blowing to me what I wasn’t allowing myself to have, and I didn’t even know that when we got started.

But I sure do realize it in hindsight. And, man, I am I glad that I let myself have it.

Amanda Testa [00:22:36]:

Well, I appreciate you so much. Thank you so much again, Allie . And for all of you listening, thank you for being here, and we will see you next week.

Thank you for listening to the Find Your Feminine Fire podcast. If you love this episode, please go ahead and forward it now to someone who you know would love. And if you’ve not yet had a chance to leave us a rave review on Apple Podcasts, please make sure to rate a new review if you enjoyed the podcast, as well as make sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. Thanks for listening, and we’ll see you next week.

Getting the R.E.S.P.E.C.T you deserve in relationships with Dr. Veronica Anderson

Why do so many high-performing professionals struggle to get the respect and appreciation they deserve? 

If you are looking to create rewarding, fulfilling, and respectful relationships in all areas of your life, you’re in the right place.  Joining us today is Dr. Veronica Anderson, a physician, a coach, and a best-selling author of numerous books including Get the Respect You Deserve.

She has a very unique perspective because she blends medicine, psychology, corporate consulting as well as she is a psychic, so she has this amazing lens with which she helps high-achieving professionals cultivate successful careers, healthy habits, and relationships where they get the respect they deserve.

She uses tools such as Psychic Intuitive Energy Readings, the Kolbe Index, and Human Design to help people deeply understand their spiritual nature, instincts, and intuition and how to use them to get what they want in their careers and in romance.

Tune in to discover: 

-Dr. Veronica’s process to feel seen, feel heard, and feel appreciated.

– How she went from being an eye surgeon to a spiritual guide and a transformational coach.

-How can individuals gain a better understanding of themselves and their beliefs?

-What is the Kolbe and what is Human Design, and how Dr. Veronica uses them to help people understand themselves better.

– How do you build self trust, and why is it important?

And much more.

Listen below, or tune in via: Apple Podcasts,Stitcher or Spotify.

Complete transcript below. 

JOIN IN THE DISCUSSION ON THIS EPISODE AND MORE IN MY FREE FACEBOOK GROUP, FIND YOUR FEMININE FIRE HERE.

Physician, Intuitive Guide and Relationship Coach Dr. Veronica Anderson is the bestselling author of 4 books, including“Get the Respect You Deserve: 7 Secrets to Getting Seen and Heard in Your Job and Relationships.” Dr. Veronica transitioned from her own private practice as an Eye Surgeon to a Spiritual Guide & Transformational Coach, delivering individual and group programs to help her clients overcome strange, rare, and peculiar issues. Using her intuitive skills and signature R.E.S.P.E.C.T Method, Dr. Veronica guides high-achieving professional women on making successful career, health, and relationship transitions by learning how to become their beautiful authentic selves. She uses tools such as Psychic Intuitive Energy Readings, the Kolbe Index, and Human Design to help people deeply understand their spiritual nature, instincts, and intuition and how to use them to get what they want in their careers and in romance.

Dr. Veronica Anderson began her medical career as an Eye Surgeon after graduating from Princeton University and Rutgers Medical School (with honors). She now has the distinction of being both a licensed physician and a practicing psychic. Dr. Veronica is an Integrative Medicine Physician, certified in Functional Medicine and trained in Homeopathy.

In her programs, Dr. Veronica uses her gifts and talents to help people with strange, rare, and peculiar issues who feel like they just haven’t gotten answers or results from strategies they have tried previously. She provides guidance to her clients, who receive clarity, validation, and confirmation, which decreases fear and increases confidence.

Dr. Veronica hosted her own podcast and AM radio show for several years and has appeared on national television as well as multiple syndicated radio shows and podcasts. She is a 3rd Degree Black Belt in Tae Kwon Do who splits her time living in Bucks County, Pennsylvania, Harlem, New York City, and Nice, France, with her husband and two dogs, Artemis and Apollo.  Find more and grab her book HERE.

Want more support from Amanda? Schedule a confidential 1-1 call with Amanda⁠ here.

In this 45 min call, we’re going to identify your #1 block to pleasure, why it’s showing up in the way it is, and what to do to turn it around. ⁠⁠After doing this work for almost a decade, I can quickly identify the patterns holding you back, and show you the steps to change it. ⁠⁠Permission to reach out even if it feels scary. Permission to reach out even if you aren’t even sure you want to do this work. Permission to reach out to explore if this is right for you, no strings or pushy sales tactics here.⁠

If you liked this episode, please consider giving me a 5 Star Review on Apple Podcasts! It truly does help the podcast grow. 

Have a topic or question you’d like Amanda to address on a future episode? Submit it on this anonymous form.

EPISODE 266: Dr. Veronica Anderson [Fun, Empowering Music] Amanda Testa: Hello, and welcome to the Find Your Feminine Fire podcast. I am your host, Amanda Testa. I am a sex, love, and relationship coach, and in this podcast, my guests and I talk sex, love, and relationships, and everything that lights you up from the inside out. Welcome! _______ You and I, we’ve shared a lot together from discussions about how to have amazing sex and deeply connected relationships to sharing powerful strategies to amplify pleasure and connection in our lives, but there’s something I treasure above all, and that is supporting you, the amazing person behind all the stories, the one embarking on this fantastic journey towards building an epic connection with yourself, your sexuality, and your relationships. It’s my primary mission to ensure that you have the resources and support that you need so you can never feel alone in this journey, and I want you to know I am right here with you. 1:01 But I want to do even more. I want to make it super easy for you to invest in yourself and your growth and your pleasure. So, here’s the big news. For a limited time, I’m offering our transformative Pleasure Foundation Membership for 50% off, and this is a big discount because your journey towards more pleasure and connection matters that much to me. I want it to be like a no-brainer to drop in and learn the tools you need to feel more stronger, more confident. I believe this can be the gentle nudge you need to invest in your pleasure and to do the practices to support you receiving the deep connection and nourishment that you want. So, if you’ve been thinking about joining The Pleasure Foundation, consider this your sign. To grab this offer, please visit www.amandatesta.com/tpf, and I am beyond excited to welcome you on the inside. _______ 1:58 Hello and welcome everyone! Why do so many high-performing professionals struggle to get the respect and appreciation they deserve? If you are looking to create rewarding and fulfilling, respectful relationships in all areas of your life, you’re in the right place. So, listen up! Joining us today — I’m so excited — I’m talking with Dr. Veronica Anderson. She is a physician, a coach, and a best-selling author of numerous books including Get the Respect You Deserve. So, she has a very unique perspective because she blends medicine, psychology, corporate consulting as well as she is a psychic, so she has this amazing lens with which she helps high-achieving professionals cultivate successful careers, healthy habits, and relationships where they get the respect they deserve. So, we are gonna be diving into all kinds of juicy things today! Welcome, Dr. Veronica. I’m so happy to be with you here today. Dr. Veronica Anderson: Thank you for having me! I’m delighted, and I was excited to be here, too, with the type of audience you have. So, let’s get into really juicy stuff! Amanda Testa: Yes, yes! Well, one of the things I think is so interesting, which I’m sure you probably get this question a lot being that you went to Princeton, and you were an eye surgeon and then you kind of transformed into a spiritual guide and a transformational coach. 3:09 I’d love if you’d share a little bit of your story around that, if you wouldn’t mind. Dr. Veronica Anderson: So, people like to ask, “Well, when did you know that you were a psychic?” Okay, so you realize that there are some people and you’ve met these people and that’s their only calling and their only — not only, but that’s their main ability and it’s been in their family, you know what I’m saying? They have this story of, “I’ve always been like this,” and they give you all the kind of strange things that happen to them. It wasn’t like that. That’s not my story. Of course it’s not my story. [Laughs] Amanda Testa: [Laughs] Dr. Veronica Anderson: And there’s a lot of people who are in your audience, that’s not going to be their story either. They’re gonna have a different story. So, these abilities were there, but I never realized that there was anything different about me until well into adulthood and well past being a doctor in practice actually. 4:07 But when I look back on it, I realize that I was using those intuitive abilities to even help me, when I was in medical school, diagnosing strange and rare illnesses, and everybody thought, “Oh, my god, she’s so smart and she’s so brilliant!” Now, I will admit, yes, I do have an Ivy League degree. I did go to medical school and graduate with honors, and I knew how to take a test, okay? That part of the brain works really well. That cognitive part is very strong, but that is not the same thing as what the spiritual thing that’s going on is, and I’m sure your audience knows that. So, I realized, yes, I knew how to work the cognitive, and I have one of those kinds of memories. I can just pull things out, but also, I can read energy. I can assess energy because that’s what this is all about, assessing people’s energy fields. 5:04 And that allowed me to know the answers a lot, to what was going on to people when they had some kind of illness or injury or problem, like, in a nanosecond. I mean, in a nanosecond these answers would come in. So, when you’re in medical school, you can take the test but then when they try to screw you to the wall and give you the difficult case, you just can seem to answer the difficult case to the point where they stop wanting to call on you because they know you’re gonna know the answer. And I realized back then that this was what I was doing. I wasn’t getting it out of my left brain. I was getting it from someplace else, but this is a debrief after I thought about what happened in my life. So, what happened, yes, I was a smart kid, and my mom, a Black woman, ended up going to college after we went to school but was always very — they used to call her the Jewish mother, okay? [Laughs] Because when they would ask her what she wanted her children to be or what are her children gonna be, she’d be like, “That’s the doctor, and that’s the lawyer.” 6:15 And so, I have a lot of friends who are Jewish, and they’ll talk like that, and I’ll say, “They used to call my mom the Jewish mother.” And what does that really mean? It means my mother had a vision for me and my sister. That’s all we’re talking about, and I think it’s important to have a vision for your life and for the life of your kids when they’re young. So, my mother realized that I was smart, I had this ability, and she’s the one that said, “You’re really smart.” We lived in New Jersey, and she’d be like, “Let me take you by Princeton.” I don’t know how she knew about it. But I was supposed to get there. [Laughs] But to fast forward to it, I had started my own medical practice, double digits thousands of patients. I was working. I was part time, other doctors working for me, making almost a million dollars a year, married to a guy who was an investment banker who was my college sweetheart, but yet, I became miserable. 7:12 I had everything, from a physical standpoint, that people say you’re supposed to have, but yet, there was something not right to me, and I could not put my finger on it. I felt like I was supposed to be someplace, doing something else, being with somebody else, and this is a time where I’m running my own practice, I’m going to church, and I’m teaching Sunday school, and it’s like, “Oh, my god,” you know? I have three sons by this point, and I’m feeling like I can’t stand this from a perspective. Now, I felt incredibly blessed and lucky and everything to be where I was, but there was something else that I was hungering for. 8:02 And so, I became clinically depressed because I felt so bad, and people would tell me I just didn’t know how to be happy. I didn’t walk around, and people thought that I was unhappy. But I had this suffering feeling, and I felt shame and guilt. Shame and guilt is the thing of illness. I felt shame and guilt for even feeling that way because here I am walking around in a very, very privileged life feeling like this is not it, okay? So, one day — it really was like this. I kind of planned my escape. One day I just decided to jump out of that. I went to my husband, and I said, “I don’t want to be married anymore,” and I didn’t want to practice medicine anymore, and I don’t ever want to go back to church. I just got up the courage one day, and it wasn’t easy to do this, and I broadsided my ex-husband because we didn’t really have a bad marriage. I wasn’t cheated on. All the stories that you hear where people make the other person the bad guy, we didn’t have any of that. 9:12 And so, I like to tell this story because I know there’s somebody else out there who’s feeling like, “Yeah, everything looks perfect, but I understand what you’re talking about.” I just got the courage up one day to get out, and that, of course, started that journey of severe depression. Now, think about it. I’m a doctor. I’m running around, owning my own practice, got kids, being a wife. Ugh, I was burnt out bad, and I was burnt out bad because I’m not meant to work like that from my spiritual design (my Human Design). We can get into that. I’m a visionary. I wasn’t being visionary doing the same thing every day all day. I loved my patients, from a people perspective. I hated the practice of medicine because it was very limiting. I couldn’t stand going to church because the way they were teaching spiritual principles I thought were all wrong and the interpretations were wrong. 10:12 I’m like, “No, I’m not a sinner. No, I’m not,” right? So, they tell you this negative narrative that I didn’t believe in, never ever, ever, but you’re supposed to believe in it, and if you don’t you’re going straight to hell, okay? I became depressed with all that because at the same time that I was having it — very salient that I had these abilities. It just started to become very salient that I knew things that other people didn’t know with no physical rhyme or reason. Now, what do I do with this? Who do I talk to? So, I crashed and burned. But you know when they say your worst day ends up being your best day? There was the day I walked into — I told my husband I was moving out, I bought a new house, and I went back to the house, and in that house my former husband — and we were still married at the time. 11:10 Divorce papers were not even signed at that time. There was another woman in my house. [Laughs] And that day I went and I started hitting them both, and I was like everything I’ve learned up to this point, everything I’ve learned in school, everything I’ve learned in church, everything I’ve learned had not prepared me for that point because I know if there would have been a gun, there would have been dead people and I would be in jail. That was that moment that I realized before I got depressed and was like, “I’m leaving,” but the moment I realized something has got to change, I’ve got to figure out a new way, a new paradigm for life. Because I did that, here I am talking about this, and I love talking about it now because, first of all, you can get out of this. 12:04 You think when you’re in a circumstance that you can’t get out of it and there’s not gonna be support for it, and there are all kinds of people — the people in the church abandoned me. Friends abandoned me. But guess what? Everything got stripped away so I could walk into this new life, and it was painful walking into a new life not knowing, feeling abandoned, feeling alone, but that was truly being born again. Starting over, new friends, now I have a new husband. We’ve been married for a while now, but when you decide to take that step and move forward, the universe will provide. That was the day that I trusted myself, really the first time, to step out and say, “There is something else out there before me, and I’m gonna believe there’s something else out there before me.” 13:01 But it doesn’t come real quick all the time because your muscles of trust and belief have not been exercised, so until you learn how to exercise those muscles, things aren’t going to come quick and it’s gonna be painful. This is how I ended up getting to, now, my fourth book, the book about respect because the respect came to me — you know, these things start coming in dreams. People talk about they’re not being respected, but what does that actually mean? I see doctors talk about it. I see women, men, everybody. “They don’t respect me.” Sometimes my husband now will say, “You don’t respect me,” and I’m like, “What does he mean?” What it means not to be respected is you don’t feel seen, you don’t feel heard, you don’t feel appreciated. Amanda Testa: Mm-hmm. Dr. Veronica Anderson: “You don’t see, hear, or appreciate me.” Yeah, so how do you get seen, heard, and appreciated? Well, I am a doctor, so there’s a process for that! Amanda Testa: Yeah. Dr. Veronica Anderson: And that’s where The Respect Method comes in. So, ask me anything you want. Ask me something hard and juicy, though. Let’s get deep. [Laughs] 14:07 Amanda Testa: Yes, well, I just want to reflect back on that story because I think a lot of people, especially when they’re depressed, they can’t make those steps forward no matter how hard it may be, but there was that something inside of you that led you to keep moving forward to find trust. And I love that trust piece because you also mentioned — I think there are a lot of people out there who often maybe have that experience of feeling unseen, unheard, unappreciated. Especially I know there are a lot of busy, high-achieving, working mamas and all kinds of people listening to the podcast that sometimes feel that way. I mean, I even just hear — well, when we’re recording this episode, Mother’s Day was just happening, and I have seen all kinds of posts about people feeling super unappreciated on Mother’s Day, which I think that just goes to show there are ways to come back to that trust. And so, I’m curious. There are a couple things I want to ask. Number one, I know trust is an important thing, and it’s also a big part of your framework, but what do you think helps you connect to that trust? Tell me how you’re able to do that. 15:13 Dr. Veronica Anderson: As I’ve said, it’s a muscle. So, the first thing you have to realize is you have to have faith in the universe and the process that it wants you — you are deemed to have success and an abundant life. It’s an underlying belief. Now, if you don’t believe that, think about how hard it is just for any human being to be born. Now, as a doctor, I know everything that can go wrong, and I know the stats of — there are people out there who have had difficulties with fertility. There are people out there who have had miscarriages, but even people who haven’t been through that, that you don’t know, there’s been a lot that has happened to get you here. So, you are already meant to be here, and you are a success. So, right there you know, “Okay, I’m supposed to be here for something. Now, what is it?” 16:15 So, you’ve got to start with that premise of knowing it, and you may have not ever heard this before today because you happen to be born into that spiritually-challenging family, which told you all kinds of other things that were negative about you. And I’ve got to tell you, like I said, this is one of the reasons I stopped going to church, because they were trying to tell me negative things about me that I just knew weren’t true. And so, I’m like, “I ain’t sitting here and listening to this anymore,” right? I mean, they used to call me rebellious and a jezebel because I would say, “Why?” and ask questions and not believe some of the doctrine. Now, as I’ve gone along further in life and decided not to look at institutions but to look at text, there are different interpretations that come down when it’s you and the universe versus somebody telling you what you’re supposed to believe. 17:10 There are universal truths out there that run through lots of spiritual text, including the Judeo, Christian, Islamic, the three main texts. The truths are there, but what happens with these texts is we allow other people to interpret them for us when what is really supposed to happen is it’s you and the universe talking to each other. And so, this is about how do you flex your muscles, how do you strengthen your muscles? You start to say, “I know there’s a word for me. Where am I gonna go to get that word,” and getting it directly to you versus through somebody says that they have a word and here’s how they can come through signs and wonders, right? 18:03 I mean, my coach was teaching about signs and wonders, so there’ll be what you’ll call coincidences where you’ll say something or ask a question and all of a sudden the answer will pop up on a license plate or somebody will say something in a store. So, those are the kinds of things that happen, and my coach was teaching about this, how when you’re early on your faith walk, you get these — there was a book called When God Winks. God winks like that, right? Those are for people on their early faith way. What happens, then, next is you start to be able to recognize people, places, and things that are giving you messages that know that you’re on the path and it’s not so obvious, but then you’ve gotten to the point where your muscles are strong enough and your eyes and your spirit are strong enough that you’re like, “Uh, that’s trying to tell me something. What is it?” So, one of the things that I think tells us a lot is when you get a strong emotion. So, you’re in a relationship, you’re talking about sex, and I get some emails and people are ranting and raving about something, well, you’re getting a spiritual message. 19:10 There’s a reason that you’re in a relationship with that person because they are your biggest spiritual teacher. Now, that’s not saying at all you should be in a relationship where you’re being abused or beat down. If you’re in a relationship and you’re being abused or beat down, you need to remove yourself period, end of discussion. Safety first. Amanda Testa: Yes. Dr. Veronica Anderson: And then you think about what was it that I did that got me into this circumstance. You have to use the R in respect to reflect, to look in the mirror at yourself and take that radical responsibility, and that was the day that changed my life. I read this book by a physician called Real Love, and I don’t remember anything else that book said except there was something that said to the effect that if you are unhappy, it’s you that’s the problem, and I knew intuitively that that was true, that it wasn’t anything outside myself, that is was me that was the issue, even though I thought it was him and everything that happened and you all have the story going around, we’re all taught that we’re the victim. 20:20 All humans, we’re taught we’re the victim. We live in the Karpman triangle: the victim, the rescuer, and the persecutor. We all live among them. We’re the victim, the rescuer, the persecutor, and that’s all of humanity who’s been taught to live that way. So, you have to teach yourself to live outside of that but you’re not going to teach yourself to live outside of that until you decide, “I’m not a victim. I’m gonna be a victor,” period. And then you go to — not victim. There’s no more victim. You’re a creator. And so, when you take on that role as creator, you look in the mirror and say, “I created this.” No matter how bad it was or what you think somebody is. From the spiritual standpoint, you have a contract with those other souls to bring you to whatever point that was in life, to teach you a lesson on your journey. 21:16 And so, you may have had some really horrible things happen to you, and that’s why you really have to do the spiritual soul searching and think about, “Okay, how am I gonna reconcile — what happened to me –,” and everybody’s got to do this, but only for a short period of time because people stay here. “What is it that I need to work out from a soul level that made me have this particular experience,” no matter how bad it was. You have to say, “What on a soul level am I supposed to learn from this experience,” and then after you do that reflection, you know exactly where you are, and the next step is (a word that nobody likes to hear) forgiveness. The first person you need to forgive is yourself, right, for staying so long, for being whatever you were, for all the things that — whatever it is. You forgive yourself first, and by forgiving yourself — because we are the hardest on ourselves — you learn the process of forgiving other people and accepting other people. 22:19 So, first you have to say, “Here I am,” and as Michael Jackson said you’ve got to look at the man in the mirror or the woman in the mirror, and the only person that you can change is you. You have to understand you attracted whatever you have in your life because that was the vibrational frequency you were on at that particular time, and if you want something different, you need to learn how to let go of those things that are not serving you, those low-vibration things (shame, fear, guilt) and move up to what you say that you want. That’s the whole process. 23:00 That’s what The Respect Method is about. It’s about going from reflecting to being able to understand yourself, forgiving other people because I gave you a construct. We can talk about this. The Human Design in Kolbe is what I like to use for people to be able to see something and understand something. You get a construct to understand who you are from an instinctual being, from an intuitive being. You also understand imprinting but how your family made you that way and how genetics made you that way. And once you understand that you were meant to be that way and, therefore, now you can learn how to love yourself because the universe made you that way uniquely for a particular reason, then you can realize that, “Well, everybody else is made this way, too, and they’re not gonna change.” So, if they’re not gonna change, then how are we gonna work this situation out? Amanda Testa: Mm-hmm, so yeah, I’m curious if you could share a little bit more about some of these tools that you use. For those listening who — I know Human Design, a lot of people are familiar, and some aren’t. So, if you could share a little bit more about that and how that kind of helps to give you an understanding of what might be going on. 24:07 Dr. Veronica Anderson: Yes, so after you reflect, the next thing is to evaluate your beliefs, and that’s a process, but S goes to surrender to your spirit, and this is about, well, who are you and what do you look like from a spiritual being and from an instinctual being. So, I use two tools. I’m what’s called a Kolbe Certified™ consultant. Kolbe is spelled K-O-L-B-E for those of you who are eight on the fact-finding of Kolbe. [Laughs] But Kolbe is your instinct, how you do, how you take action. So, let me back up a second. Now, I studied neuroscience in college and went through all that stuff with the brain, so I love brains, so I’m gonna give you a very simple reason. Three parts of the brain and of the mind, and these all have anatomical correlates, have been well researched. 25:00 Part number one (everybody’s familiar with): cognitive, which is where the IQ, the thinking and reasoning things are. The second part of the brain: affective. That is where the emotions are, where the personality is. Think DISC tests. The DISC is the most popular. Corporate loves to use DISC tests. But guess what? Those types of tests are changeable. IQ tests are changeable too. There’s this third part of the brain that most people have never heard of. It’s called conative. C-O-N-A-T-I-V-E because I know people listening are saying, “What?” Conative, and that means how you take action when you’re free to do things naturally. This is your natural instinct on how you do. So, here are the three parts of the mind. There’s thinking, there’s feeling, and there’s doing. And so, Kathy Kolbe, who is a wonderful woman, in her eighties, still teaching us, her father invented one of the IQ tests. 26:06 And so, all her life she was watching this and realized, “There’s something missing because you see these people, and they have really high IQs, but they’re not doing so well. Then you see these people, they score low and they’re doing great! What else is there?” This is when she realized people do things a lot differently, and she came up with this because, of course, when the universe wants you to be the spokesperson for something, the universe will give you that information. So, the Kolbe Assessment or Kolbe Index, it’s not a test. Everybody gets a perfect score. There’s not one that’s better than the others, but there are four main types. There’s a Fact Finder. This is the person that likes facts and details. Right now I can tell you the person who’s the fact finder, I am not giving enough details at all because I’m not a Fact Finder. The Fact Finder never has enough details. So, let’s think about how this plays out in a relationship. If you have someone that you get into a relationship with and they seem like they need to know more and more and more about you and they seem like they’re taking a long time to pop the question, and it may have been years, and you can’t figure out what they’re still looking for, that might be somebody who’s a, what we call, Initiating Fact Finder, okay? 27:24 The next type is called a Follow Through, and those are the people who like to organize, and somebody who’s a Follow Through might be somebody who is an excellent podcast host or an MC who masters ceremonies. They like to systematize and organize, and this is how they do life primarily. When it’s time to take action, the first thing they will do is systematize and organize to be able to figure out how to do things. The third type of person is called a Quick Start, and if you look at me, I bet you can guess that I’m a Quick Start. The Quick Start is the risk taker, the innovator. You might have a lot of people in your audience who are entrepreneurs and love to be serial entrepreneurs. 28:06 They take risk. How they take action, and I’m a nine of the Quick Start, and one to ten is we innovate, we take risk, we talk off the cuff, and so, when I said did they ask me anything, if you ever get someone who’s a Quick Start, they don’t even need any data. They’re gonna make up stuff, and so, you must fact check them because they’re gonna be so good on their feet. When everybody else is flummoxing, the Quick Start will be standing in the background observing and then the person who will come forward, put it all together, and be like, “Oh, my god, she/he just convinced me.” That’s the Quick Start, the innovator. And then there’s the Implementer person, and they’re the person who makes things happen. They’re the builder. If you don’t have somebody like this on your team, you’ll be in the idea stage a lot because nothing will ever happen, okay? 29:05 So, when people take the Kolbe Assessment, they realize that, “Oh, my god!” This is why I had to jump out of medicine. Now, there are people, obviously, who innovate in medicine, but you’re the heretic because you’re not supposed to — you’re supposed to follow the process, and when you don’t follow the process, the lawyers come after you. But the way we really do get new and exciting stuff is because there are enough quick starts who innovate and say, “Here’s the next big thing.” They have the ideas. They’re always thinking of it that way, and then they have, behind them, the Fact Finders who are doing the research to say, “Why, why, why, why, why, why, why? Here’s why, here’s why, here’s why, and here’s more why, and can we get some more why?” That’s what the Fact Finders do. And then the Organizer will put it all together, go up to the podium, and say, “Okay, well, now, we’re gonna have the presentation on this and pick out the different people to do the different things.” 30:04 So, what’s the benefit of this? In a work environment, you create team synergy by having what’s called conative diversity. Everybody’s taught about diversity, equity, inclusion. I don’t want you to pick me because my skin is brown or because I’m a woman. I want you to pick me for my innovative brain to be able to teach you about the Kolbe, and then I’m gonna pass it off to other people who are gonna do little details with you, okay? And then I’m gonna teach you about this next-wave stuff that you’re like, “Well, there’s not enough data there,” but you’ll be like, “Okay, well, but it rings true with me.” There you go to Human Design. So, I introduce you with the data stuff for people who like to go and look at all the data stuff. But then I get you to the stuff that’s really gonna get to your energy, right? So, when you’re in a boardroom, you create high-performing teams by looking for all types to get your team where you feel there are 12 blocks, basically. 31:06 You want to get people in the team that fill all the 12 blocks, and then when you go to the bedroom, what you start noticing is, “Okay, I’m a Quick Start, but my husband is a Follow Through. He’s low on the Quick Start, so I’m gonna have to be the one to innovate.” He says to me, “You’re so impulsive!” That’s because in that area he’s a three and I’m a nine. So, this is why we might also hit heads sometimes because I’m trying to innovate and he’s the person who maintains order and keeps what’s good, good, pulls back down. So you see how you need both. You need the Innovator, but I never stop innovating. Amanda Testa: Right. Dr. Veronica Anderson: You need the person who’s gonna keep something because you don’t want to throw out everything all the time because I would throw out everything every day and start new and fresh because this is how I do, right? 32:01 So you need all of these people, but when you’re in a relationship, what you start to realize is that, okay, he’s a Follow Through. I’m telling you specifically about my husband. He’s a Follow Through, and I do this with couples too, but also with teams in a work setting, it’s just the languaging is different. It’s Kolbe A. We do an A-to-A comparison on a couple or a team. We also can do this test on a particular position. So, if you want to hire someone, you can figure out what does the position say. This is government-approved non-discriminatory. It’s the only test that you can do for people pre-employment because it’s been shown to be repeatable and very, very excellent at saying whether somebody will be good at one job or the other. But what does this all do? It helps you understand who’s sitting in front of you. It helps you understand other people on the team, and you realize that, “Okay, they’re good at this. I’m not so good at that, so I’m gonna get this other person to do that.” 33:06 Now, what you don’t want to do is I don’t want everyone to say, “Well, I’m a Quick Start, so I can’t do the organization.” It’s not true. You can do all the areas, so you can’t use that as an excuse, but that’s not my best and highest use, and I have to use a lot of energy to be organized, right? So, this is why for years and years and years I have the housekeeper coming in once a week because everything would be in disarray, right, if I didn’t have somebody to help keep things organized on a regular basis, right? You have to figure out what tools, all right? So, that’s the Kolbe Assessment. It takes about 15 minutes. It can be used in corporate. The Kolbe corporation will tell you that when they ask people in corporations where they’re going, and this is where it’s introduced most, what was most impactful about it, they all say, when they took it home to their families because all of a sudden they could all understand each other. 34:05 Amanda Testa: Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. And I’m curious, how does weaving in both the Kolbe and Human Design pieces help you with couples? Because I know it is so enlightening when you can kind of understand how the other person works, like, “Oh, this is…” Dr. Veronica Anderson: For the Fact Finders, I want to give the thing that you can go out and get a lot of data on. Amanda Testa: Yeah. Dr. Veronica Anderson: So that’s why I like to start with the Kolbe because there’s a lot of research behind it. Amanda Testa: Yeah. Dr. Veronica Anderson: When you go into the spiritual area, it is more challenging in a research area because I think there’s not a lot of money in it because when people learn how to manage themselves they can’t throw medicine at us. That’s why I think there’s not a lot of research going on in the spiritual area, but that’s just my own bias. But these spiritual topics have to do with things like quantum physics — and I’ll tell you, quantum neutrino physics, which is part of Human Design, actually in 2015 — it came into being in 1987 so it’s very new. In 2015, there was a Nobel Prize that was won on these types of topics in quantum physics with the neutrinos. 35:15 So Rah, who’s the guy — you know, when you have a spiritual awakening, you’ve got to change your name so I can’t remember what his name was, but now he’s Rah. Amanda Testa: [Laughs] Dr. Veronica Anderson: [Laughs] I don’t know! I haven’t changed my name yet, so I haven’t gotten there yet, but Rah, it was downloaded from the universe. Just like Kathy Kolbe came up with. This is downloaded. This is divine downloading, no matter whether it’s studied or not. It’s just you may be way ahead of your time like Einstein. Think about Einstein. There were things that, way after he was dead they were proving, “This is it,” and he was wandering around saying things that were — and formulas and things like that that people just couldn’t figure out, like what is that, later on. So, Human Design is like that. It is an energetic system. It combines the quantum neutrino physics, the chakra system, Kabbalah, I-Ching, and the Natal Chart (elements of astrology). 36:09 There is not a one-to-one correlation between any of these. It’s its own system, but you start with people’s birth date, time, and place, and it’s very important to know the time and place because it has to do with where the planets are, and when we start talking about how neutrinos are working and following, the planets make a difference. Now, anybody who wants to doubt what the planets do, well, why do we have seasons, and anybody who’s in healthcare or anything like that knows that when the moon changes people’s behavior changes. Everybody will tell you that. It’s been studied, okay? It’s not a coincidence. So, we have some understanding that the movement of the planets and the earth that we are on makes a difference, but we’re not gonna talk about the research. If you don’t believe, this isn’t the time to click off and tune out, but this is where it gets really deep. 37:06 So, what happens in Human Design is it comes up with very high-level five types, and those five types are divided into energy and non-energy types. And so, the energy types — I think you told me this before — are Generators or some type of generator. So, there are Generators or Manifesting Generators. You’re a Manifesting Generator. What does it mean? It means your sacral center is defined, you have that energy motor center, and you are happy as can be when you are doing the work you’re meant to be. The Generators are the people who get the work done in our world. Now, don’t feel bad if you’re a Generator. I’m not gonna give you tons of famous ones, but Oprah’s a Generator, the Dalai Lama’s a Generator. I mean, there are a lot of people out there in different professions. You’re gonna say, “Generator? I’m just a Generator?” No, it’s not just a Generator. Nothing would get done if everybody were like me. [Laughs] 38:07 I’m not a Generator. But I love Generators. I am married to a Manifesting Generator, a true Manifesting Generator, because there are Generators with manifesting qualities that we call Manifesting Generators, and this is getting deep, but what does it mean? Define manifesting, defined throat. The throat is what you manifest out of. So, you have a defined throat, but you also have the defined sacral center, and it means that you can initiate and you can take action, okay? So, somebody who’s a Generator, they’re actor and responder. Seventy percent of the population are some type of Generator. The real number is 68. Sixty-eight percent are some type of Generator, okay? See, I can get specific sometimes. Then you have the non-energy type. What does that mean? It means our sacral center is undefined. We do not have the defined motor center, and that’s the center of infinite energy and vitality and everything like that. Now, that doesn’t mean that you’re a slump or anything like that. I mean, most people would not look at me and say I don’t have energy. It just means you’re meant to do something different than the way your energy lands with people and your strategy for life is different. 39:23 So, the three non-energy types are Projectors, Manifestors, and Reflectors. Reflectors have no defined centers. They’re like a mirror. So, you’re around these people, they’re one with nature. You may love them, or you may hate them because they’re mirroring everything that’s going around. So, you can see how somebody who has a lot of open centers is bringing in what’s going on around them and can mirror back to you not even knowing they’re doing it. These are wonderful people to have on a team because they’re almost like a chameleon and can do anything and everything. Now, they’re only one percent of the population. One percent of people are Reflectors, okay? Now, remember, if you’re a non-energy type, you’ve got to get a lot of rest. 40:09 Now, I’m gonna talk about rest and burnout because there are people out there who are Generators who have burnt out. I’ll tell you what the problem is with that after I give the other types. There are Manifestors. Everybody thinks they want to be a Manifestor. They’re the people who it seems like things just happen like this for them. That’s the Manifestor. They have a defined throat where they can manifest but they’re meant only to initiate. Manifestors can seem put-off-ish and rude and can have an aura that’s more repelling. So, when people say they want to be a Manifestor, you have to learn how to walk in the world to get people to understand you, and because you can just seem like you can get things to happen out of magic, there are a lot of people who don’t like that a lot of times. And because you can get things to happen, a lot of times you’ll feel like you don’t need other people. 41:05 Now, Manifesting Generators can be extra like that because they can initiate, and they can do. So, Manifesting Generators are the type of people that a lot of times you don’t need somebody else to do, and so, you can piss people off because they don’t know. Now, what do you do if you’re a Manifestor, or let’s say a Manifesting Generator, to get by it? You’ve got to just inform people what’s happening. You’ve got to use that voice, not change what you’re going to do because you know how to initiate. That is your core genius. But you just have to inform people ahead of time, so they know what’s what, all right? Now, the final type is where I fall. I’m what’s called a Projector. It means that my strategy for life, I don’t have a defined center. I happen to have a defined throat, but I don’t have a motor center connected to the throat. I don’t have my sacral center connected to my throat. It’s up there. It’s split from it. So I’m what’s called a Unicorn Projector because I have those manifesting qualities, but my aura and my strategy is wait for the invitation, wait for recognition. I cannot initiate. 42:23 So notice here I am on your podcast. You didn’t find me through me. You found me through an introduction. So anybody who’s out there who’s a Projector, I want them to hear this. Your two themes as a Projector are bitterness versus success and you get bitter because you’re not seen unless you’re recognized. So why would I write a book of how to get seen and heard? Because I’m used to not being seen and heard. I can be invisible if you can believe that. There are times where I’m invisible to people if they don’t recognize me, and you have to understand that as a Projector, you’re meant to be a wise guide, and that means don’t cash your pearls for swine. You’re a guide, but you have to wait for people to ask you for guidance. 43:12 So, how do I get recognized? How does a Projector get recognized in an introduction, and then you say, “Huh, that seems interesting. I’d like to talk to her,” and it’s your idea. They presented me and introduced me, and then it was your idea to say, “Well, that would be really interesting.” So, Projectors, think about that. But another way to get recognized, because this can be tough in a relationship, this can cause all kinds of fights because if I’m not seen or heard or recognized and I offer my opinion, me and my husband are having a big fight, and you’re like, “Well, what do you do? You’re allowed to talk.” Yes, but guess how I handle this? I ask for recognition. I ask him. He’s a Generator. Now, anybody who’s a Generator, you operate in the yes/no realm. So, ask your center a yes or no question and heed that yes or no, right? So, how does anybody else get recognized? I ask him a yes or no question. 44:08 “Would you like to know what I think about that?” And then when he says, “Yes,” I tell him what I think. He recognized me. But if he says, “No,” I keep my mouth shut. And sometimes he jokes because I ask, but if I just go in and I start talking, he’s gonna be pissed because my energy becomes repulsive when I try to initiate. But it’s magnetic when I stay in my strategy and type. So, do you see how this can play out in relationship? Now, let me just say one other thing about Generators because, Generators, I said you have unlimited energy and there’s somebody out there saying, “Well, if I’m a Generator and I have unlimited energy, why did I burn out?” Generators do burn out because you were saying yes to something that’s a no. You can burn out of a relationship. You can burn out a job. When you say yes to something that’s a no and you know exactly what that is because in your brain you said, “Was it this?” and it said, “Yes,” because you ask yourself a yes/no question, you know exactly what made you burn out, right? This is how you trust your gut. So, if you’re a Generator, ask yourself a yes/no question. 45:17 If you are in therapy or coaching or anything like that, assume before you know anything about people that they’re probably a Generator (70% change), so start off asking. Don’t ask those open-ended questions. Doing — I can’t remember what they were talking about — you know, that kind of interview spot where you ask people how they feel? That’s not gonna work with 70% of people! Most people will give you the deer in the headlights. It will work with a Projector, but you’re only talking about 30% of the population. You’re not talking about the majority, okay? Why do people who are not Generators feel like black sheep (because I talk about that) because the world of Generators says you’re supposed to do it that way, you’re supposed to work, work, work, work, work. You’re supposed to initiate and work and work, but people who aren’t, you’re supposed to be instead of do. 46:11 Now, it doesn’t mean you don’t do any work. I’ve run marathons. I’ve done all these things. I went through medical school. I worked hundred-hour weeks, but that’s not my master path in life. My master path in life, which was found out also energetically if you look on my Human Design, if you look on my scientific hand analysis, is as an intuitive. In my hand analysis — I don’t know if your audience knows about these — I have eight gift markings and five of them are intuitive. Yes, I do also have a medical stigmata. So yes, I was meant to be a doctor, but my master path is as an intuitive. Amanda Testa: I love it. Dr. Veronica Anderson: So, why do I talk about Human Design, because when I tell people I’m just giving you a very high-level type. That’s one little piece of it, right? You go down and there’s a profile on what’s called a 5/1. The 5 — are you a 3/5? Amanda Testa: Mm-hmm. 47:15 Dr. Veronica Anderson: The 5 is an innovator. So consciously I’m an innovator. Consciously on my Human Design — now think, I’m a Quick Start instinctually, and intuitively I’m a visionary innovator. Your 5, the first number is your conscious personality. The second number is unconsciously. Well, unconsciously, you’re an innovator. Unconsciously. Now, the 3 is for somebody who you’re the trial and error person. They call that the martyr a lot of times, but you do things from trial and error, and that’s how you learn. That’s how you’re meant to go through life. So when you learn these pieces about your own spiritual design and see how beautifully you’re put together (and everybody is unique) it’s like, “Oh, my god!” 48:03 Now, the first thing that happens is type jealousy, okay? [Laughs] When you first look you’re like, “Ugh, I’m a what?” But a lot of times what happens is you learn what it is, and you’re like those answers — when I found out I was a Projector, it just answered so many questions about the way certain things went in my life and why things were going the way they were and then gave me a way and strategy to flow into how to be seen and heard. I learned how to be seen and heard by following and being who my spiritual being made me, okay? Now, let’s talk about this in terms of relationships. I’d like to give some interesting examples of relationships. Amanda Testa: Yes, yes, please! Dr. Veronica Anderson: My favorite examples are King Charles. King Charles was first married to Diana. Well, when you do a composite of their Human Design, they’re what’s called a 9-0 couple which means they fill all the energy centers as a couple. Sounds good. They’re meeting each other’s energetic needs, right? 49:08 You’re like, “Well, what happened?” Now my husband and I are a 9-0 couple like that too. They call it “nowhere to go.” The reason why they call it that is we meet each other’s needs so well, when anybody comes from the outside energetically, they don’t feel like they have a place with us. So, a lot of times we’ll even socialize separately because if we don’t socialize with other couples, it’s hard because a third person doesn’t feel like they fit anywhere energetically, so it doesn’t feel comfortable to be around us necessarily. We’re good together. We meet each other’s energetic needs. People say, “What! I want a 9-0 couple!” Not necessarily, okay? Charles and Diana were a 9-0 couple, but when you go further down the chart and there are those energetic channels, they have only one energetic channel, and those energetic channels will make you feel like, “I want to be with this person! Oh, my god! Ahh!” This is the imperative for reproduction. So, they did have the 9-0 meeting their needs, and they also had a channel there for reproduction. But if you look at the rest of the chart, it’s pretty blank. There’s not a lot of other energetic stuff happening there except for there’s a good amount of compromise on their chart, and that means the relationship’s gonna be difficult, okay? So, I’m not talking about personalities at all here. I’m talking about what’s going on on a spiritual level that none of us can see. 50:32 Now, let me just tell you, Diana, everybody loved Diana and still loves her. I’ll let you know, she was a Projector. They say Projectors have a way of being. Think about Diana. She just had this way of being. You just liked to watch her float around. Whatever she did, she had this way of being. She had this magnetic aura. Let me tell you about Charles’ mother. Queen Elizabeth was a Projector. Think about her the same way. Why did you like the queen? What makes you like her, right? For some reason, there’s something magnetic about her, which Charles doesn’t have by himself. 51:16 Now, let’s talk about Camilla with Charles. Camilla and Charles are also a 9-0 couple, so they’re energetically meeting each other’s needs, but when you look over there on those electromagnetic channels — I think they have like five or seven of them. I’d have to look. They have a lot! You can see how they are pulling each other towards each other from an energetic standpoint, and they’re also meeting each other’s needs when you look at the bottom, the compromise. They have the right amount. Camila and Charles are the spiritual, energetic, right couple over Charles and Diana. They work from an energetic standpoint, and this is why she was there before, and they had nothing. Think about it. He was supposed to be married. She was married to somebody else. 52:11 What happens is you’re wondering, “Why am I so attracted to someone,” and you can’t explain it. Let’s look at your composite chart, and I can show you, “Here’s what the attraction is.” All those tattles and things, they have different meanings, so I could tell you, “Here’s why you’re attracted to him and how you feel.” I don’t even need to know you. I just need your birth stuff, his birth stuff, even if you’re an LGBTQ couple, same thing. We put your composite chart together, and we can talk about what’s going on on an energetic level. Now, I do this because I want you to figure out how to maximize yourself as a couple. My intuitive abilities allow me to pull out of your chart exactly what you need to know when you come to me. So yes, I do intuitive readings, but I love to use Human Design because it’s something people can look at, they can go back to. You heard about this now. 53:10 Now you’re gonna go back and look at it in a different way. Now you want to know, “Okay, I want to see my kids, and I want to see what my spouse looks like, and I want to do the composite,” you know what I’m saying? If you’re not a 9-0 couple — people say, “Well, is 9-0 –,” no. There’s nothing that’s perfect. You are who you are. But what if you’re like, let me just say, Kate and William. You know how they’re just kind of like meh, right? Well, that’s their spiritual energy together. They’re just kind of meh, right? They don’t kind of rope you one way or the other put together. They also are able to see eye to eye. They’re not a 9-0 couple. I think they’re 8-0, and what does that mean? One open center. So, when they have to make a decision or do something, it all goes to that open area. They go to the same way, so they’re able to live in harmony because they’re solving and looking to the same way to get things solved. 54:11 So you see that there is one other piece. So I talked about instinct, and I talked about what I call intuition and how to learn to use your intuition because once you learn these factors, you’re gonna learn how to use them and how to trust your gut. So I learned how to be patient, get recognition. How do I get recognition? And if I don’t have the recognition, I know that it’s going to come because I’m here and I’m meant to be a guide. It’s just it may not come fast like I want it to come, and everybody wants things to happen yesterday, but you learn to be patient and the right opportunities present themselves, right? Amanda Testa: Yeah. Dr. Veronica Anderson: Part of doing podcasts is because a year from now somebody will listen to this and say, “I need to know who she is,” and so, they found me and they’re able to recognize me and figure out where I am and say, “She’s the woman I need to work with. She’s the woman I need to be in the boardroom. She’s the woman I need to help me with the –,” right? Amanda Testa: Yep. 55:17 Dr. Veronica Anderson: So, I get on here so I can be with you and be recognized by you, and your voice adds to what I’m saying, your credibility and authority. So, anybody who’s a Projector and doing anything, think about just doing podcasts, right? It’s got to be something interesting that makes you want to be on the podcast, right? But there’s one other piece that people need to know about in relationships, and that other part is — and this is the really hard part — imprinting. I don’t know how much you talk about imprinting, and that’s when your subconscious mind is being plastered with everybody else’s ideas and ways of being and all that, and they like to say 7. 56:02 When we look in medical-type things it can happen up to 11, but the formative years of your life, from the moment that you’re conceived until you’re about 7 to 11, your subconscious mind is there and your conscious mind isn’t, and the ways of everybody else is being put on you, right? So what happens with that? You may have a dysfunctional family, and the imprinting of that dysfunctional family is familiar. And so, when you go out and start looking for a relationship, you end up picking somebody who’s like your dysfunctional family. Why? Because you’re comfortable with it. You’re familiar with it from being imprinted. That’s very challenging, but can that be changed? Yeah, but you have to decide that you want to. Now, I have a relationship quiz called “What’s Your Number One Relationship Mistake?” and there are five types, and there are specifically a few of these types that tend to have this kind of imprinting. I call them the adrenaline adventure and the fantasy weaver. 57:13 You take the test (this takes five minutes), and you’ll get back what type you are. And it talks about what persona shows up in the relationship. Talking about your persona in a relationship, and a lot of times what’s happening is you’re looking for something that’s from that imprinting, and it might not be what you really need from a spiritual standpoint, and so, your relationships tend to not work, nobody’s right, nobody’s perfect. You see people like that. “Why can’t I pick the right person? Why do I always keep attracting the wrong person,” right? So that’s talking about when I start looking at that personality — and why do I do the quiz, and there have been about 37,000 people so far who’ve taken this quiz. So I have a lot of data. For anybody who likes data, get on a call with me, and I’ll tell you the data of the people who’ve taken the quiz. Amanda Testa: Yep. 58:13 Dr. Veronica Anderson: But, obviously, I’ve learned a lot about how people divided up and how — in order to come up with the types because this was something that existed before. Think about it. I’m an Innovator. I watched my clients, right? And then I was like, “Okay, what are they doing,” and I came up with the types, and then I figured out, “Okay, how am I gonna test this?” People will take the test over because they won’t like their answer, and they’ll get the same answer! You’re picking the answer. It’s the funniest thing. You try to trick the — and they’re like, “I wanted to be wrong. I wanted to say you were crazy, but you were absolutely right.” Yes, you’re picking the answer. What does it allow you to do? It allows you to reflect and start where you are, and I mean, your name and email might go into the system or usually I just ask for an email, so I don’t even know what your name is, but it allows you to anonymously, kind of, look at yourself in the mirror and see, “How am I showing up in a relationship from a personality standpoint?” 59:12 Because you know in a relationship, in the beginning, four people show up: your persona and the real you, the other person’s persona and the real them. Amanda Testa: Mm-hmm. Dr. Veronica Anderson: And you’re always trying to figure out who’s who and what’s what. So, it’s very crowded. When you get to the point where you really are comfortable in who you are, you know who you are. That’s why I want you to have a Kolbe. That’s why I want you to have a spiritual guide because then you have something to really know who you are, then when you start living into that, you’re really gonna start trusting yourself because then you’re gonna start learning about other people and who they are. Now remember, we’re still all on this journey, so there are surprises. You don’t absolutely know everything, but just where somebody is by age. Amanda Testa: Mm-hmm. Right. 1:00:06 Dr. Veronica Anderson: I mean, going through a Saturn Return or something like that. You can talk about the type of things that are gonna be happening in your life. You can see when I got my scientific hand analysis, Jane Sanders is the woman who did it. Amanda Testa: Oh, I know Jane! Dr. Veronica Anderson: You know Jane Sanders? Amanda Testa: Yeah! Dr. Veronica Anderson: She’s wonderful, wonderful! But she looked at it, she was like, “You got eight gift markings, five of them intuitive, and I’m just gonna tell you, if you’re not doing something intuitive, you are not on your master path in life.” Loud and clear, and guess what? It was before I could even say that I was intuitive or psychic. Now, for a long time I’d just call myself a medical intuitive because I didn’t want to say psychic and I was embarrassed, Amanda Testa: Right. Dr. Veronica Anderson: Right? I am what I am! And it’s so funny because I work with some corporate stuff, and people like to sort of hide that psychic thing, but I’m just like — listen, this is the piece that everybody wants to know about, but I’m a doctor. I’ve been in left-brain stuff. I love the data. I’m a 5/1. That 1 is an investigator. I’m an investigator on a level, so I’m gonna have done my work on a subconscious level and be able to stand toe-to-toe with the Fact Finder, and if I’m not gonna give you all the data there, I need to tell you where to go get it, or I’ll be happily saying, “We don’t have scientific studies on this particular stuff, but I want to tell you this because it might resonate with you, and you may be the person that goes out later and studies it and validates it in maybe 25 years from now,” right? Because this is how ideas get out there. Somebody’s willing to be courageous enough to stand up and say it. That’s how I ended up coaching. Amanda Testa: Right. 1:01:45 Dr. Veronica Anderson: I ended up in coaching because people started saying to me, “How do you have the courage to do what you do? How do you have the courage to admit it?” Other people wanted to embrace those other sides of themselves, but I’m like, listen, if you want to get someplace in your career, let’s coach surrounding that. So, that’s why the book is called Getting Seen and Heard in Your Job, and in your job, you may want to move up or you may want to become an entrepreneur, or you may want to do a side hustle. I’m a doctor. I’ve got a process for that too. We’re not doing this willy-nilly. We’re gonna follow a process, okay? 1:02:20 But then when you want to look at your relationships, we also want to figure out, well, what’s a process that you can go through and remember and repeat and go back to different steps of it to be able to get the results that you want? Once you go through this, you really get a deep level of respect and love for yourself. Let’s talk about respect, okay? Amanda Testa: Yeah. Dr. Veronica Anderson: Now, I don’t go to church anymore, but I did teach Sunday school. I want you to know, if you studied the Bible, in the Bible, it says for husbands to love their wives and women to respect their husbands, okay? [Laughs] Now, you want respect back too. You don’t want just love; you want respect. The only way you get respect is you have to learn how to respect yourself so you’re on an energetic plane of respect. Nobody taught you how to do that. Nobody taught you how to do that, and that’s what this is all about. 1:03:22 Amanda Testa: I think that’s what’s so interesting about these tools because they can help just give you different understandings of how to really be in alignment with what feels right for you. Like you said earlier, “Oh, it makes a lot of sense that I do things this way,” or, “It makes a lot of sense that me and my partner butt heads about this,” or, “It makes a lot of sense that I’m not getting to where I want to be in my career. And so, I’d love if you — I think this has been so informative, and I so appreciate all that you shared because I feel like now it’s like all right, I’m sure everybody listening is like, “I want to go take these tests, and now I need to figure out how I can work with Dr. Veronica,” and all this. So I’m curious if you wouldn’t mind sharing where everyone can connect with you and learn more and find ways to connect with you. 1:04:05 Dr. Veronica Anderson: So, of course, this is all gonna be provided to you. If you have five minutes, you can take the relationship quiz, “What’s Your Number One Relationship Mistake.” You’ll have the link for that. I’m Dr. Veronica. My website is www.drveronica.com, and on there, you can get all kinds of information. There is a section on there where you can scroll down the home page. You can meet me in my video, but I give away things to people for free, such as the Human Design. Now, people say, “I can do my own Human Design. Why would I have Dr. Veronica do it?” Because, like I said, I’ve got a process here. When I do your Human Design, my team does it, but then we also send you back videos to explain it to you so you know how to start looking at it and reading it. So you’ll get videos that’ll explain about Human Design that you can listen to, and when I‘ve seen it, you can go to the different sites and do it on yourself free, and people look at it and they’re like, “Yeah, but I didn’t understand it too much. I didn’t know quite what to do with it.” 1:05:11 So my goal — I’m practical, all right? So, if you look at my Human Design chart, I have the right-brain download, conscious and unconscious (part of my intuitive). I’m also what’s called splenic, but I have the left-brain upload, which means I make it practical. So what makes it so that I can coach well is I can download what you need and then be able to give it back to you in a practical form. So, I’ve created tools to help people actually get some type of result. So when you get your Human Design and you get a video back, the goal of that video is for you to start learning how to live into your Human Design. Why? Because all energetic systems, they’ve got to sink in. You can’t rush it. You’ve got to learn patience. You can’t study it and get an A because spiritual and energetic things happen on the time of the universe, and you have no control over that, especially when you have weak trust and faith muscles. 1:06:17 Think about how we’ve been taught to trust. We’ve been taught to trust our parents. We had to in the beginning. They kept us alive. We’ve been taught to trust school, education, government, institutions. In religions we’re taught to trust this God that’s outside of us, not realizing that we’re a part of this whole. We’re all connected to source, and the answers are within us, but we’re not told that the answers are there and how to find those. So by the time you get to the end of The Respect Method with me, to the tee, you’re gonna know what your trust feels like. That’s the goal. So go take the quiz, get the Human Design done and get the videos. 1:07:09 Now, let me explain something. I hear a lot of people doing work. “I’m working on myself, so I don’t want to do anything because I’ve got to work on myself.” That’s not how you learn. The way you learn is not the way school taught you. The way you learn is by doing and then assessing and correcting. So, if you’re out of a relationship or you’re saying, “Well, I don’t need a coach right now because I need to read and watch these videos and do things,” you need to be in action because who is it that said take the first step. In order to course correct, you have to start down the course, you have to start the journey. So, if you are just reading and studying, you’re in your cognitive brain and that’s all you’re doing. You’re getting knowledge. So you have to go from that knowledge to being able to do to be. 1:08:02 Now, think about this. I’m an eye surgeon. I didn’t learn to be an eye surgeon from reading a book and watching videos. Did I have to read and book and watch the videos? Yeah, but I learned to be an eye surgeon from being there with another eye surgeon. And first, I had to learn how to look under the microscope, and then I had to learn how to operate and squirt the water. Anybody who’s a surgeon understands you go through this process of one little step at a time, and then you can put it all together. But what happens is as you do that one step, there’s somebody there course correcting you, so you have to be in action. I see so many people that say, “I’m not ready yet. I’m working on myself.” If you are just doing something and you’re not in action and that’s not reading a book or watching YouTube videos, that’s out there in the world having experiences, you ain’t working on yourself. That’s your self-sabotage pattern. You know what I’m talking about! I know you know what I’m talking about! Amanda Testa: And it’s funny, too, because my husband’s in healthcare, and he always jokes that the MedSpring is see one, do one, teach one, but it is. It’s the doing, right? It’s like you have to do. That’s how you learn, you do. You have the experience, and so, I love that. 1:09:15 Dr. Veronica Anderson: Yeah, and then you actually learn how to be. That’s when you’ve changed, when you can be that and you don’t even have to think about it anymore. So, when I first started learning how to do surgery, I could hardly look under the microscope and squirt the water. By the time I was a surgeon and I finished, I could have a conversation, listen to music, sing, and operate with both hands and both feet and do it all in ten minutes. That’s how it becomes. I was truly being. It was just part of my habit. So it’s the same thing with everything in your life, and that includes love and relationships. Amanda Testa: Thank you so much, Dr. Veronica, for all of this luscious wisdom you’ve been sharing, and I’ll make sure for everyone listening, that all of this is in the show notes as well so you can get the link to her quiz. It’s www.drveronica.com, and thank you so much for being here. I so appreciate you! 1:10:06 Dr. Veronica Anderson: Thank you so much for having me! Amanda Testa: Yes, and thank you all for listening, and we will see you next week!_______ [Fun, Empowering Music] Thank you for listening to the Find Your Feminine Fire podcast! If you loved this episode, please go ahead and forward it right now to someone who you know would love it, and if you’ve not yet had a chance to leave us a rave review on Apple Podcasts, please make sure you rate and review if you enjoyed the podcast as well as make sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. 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