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Feeling safe when the world is scary

Amanda Testa is a trusted healer, coach, and guide who’s served hundreds of clients over the years with masterful skills in coaching, pleasure embodiment, and somatic trauma resolution.

Her clients tenderly heal their relationship with their sexuality, shamelessly embrace pleasure, own their sexy confidence, and cultivate deeply connected relationships with her fiercely loving support.

When she’s not leading transformative sessions, you can find her snuggling her kiddo, flirting with her sexy hubs, playing in nature, enjoying live music, and having epic conversations about sex with fellow experts on her Find Your Feminine Fire podcast.

Want more support from Amanda? Schedule a confidential 1-1 call with Amanda⁠ here.

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Amanda Testa (00:01):
Hello and welcome to the Find Your Feminine Fire Podcast. I am your host, Amanda Testa. I am a sex, love and relationship coach, and in this podcast, my guests and I talk sex, love, and relationships and everything that lights you up from the inside out. Welcome. Hello and welcome to the Find Your Feminine Fire podcast. This is your host, Amanda Testa, and I just wanted to start with saying thank you for listening to the podcast. I'm so grateful that you are here and in times like this, it can feel really challenging to go about your daily tasks and do all the things that must be done. And I just want to just give a little hug to your heart if that's where you are right now. I know for myself, I've been feeling that big time and I, I've been doing every other week podcasts because I need a little break after putting out a weekly podcast every day for four years.
(01:03):
It's a lot and I so appreciate it. I love being able to talk to so many amazing people and to just share my heart with you. So that's what I'm here to do today. I actually just finished a four day somatic training, which I'm always learning new things and I love that, and it just reinforces a lot of what I already do and know, but with's different nuances. And I think something that I saw that was really powerful this weekend is so many different people from all backgrounds and walks of life and places in the world and coming together to really try to help people.
(01:43):
And I think one of the things when you have an empathetic, caring personality like that or heart like that, there are so many healers that I see that also take on a lot and hold a lot and are having a hard time because I think as we do this work, of course we know the things to take care of our own selves so that we can be good at our jobs and holding space for our clients, but also just honoring when it's hard and sometimes it's hard. And so I just want to give you some tools that might help you if it feels hard right now. It is hard and you're not alone if that's how you feel.
(02:32):
So first of all, I want to share a tool that I really find powerful around trying to find some elements of stability when things feel chaotic. And one of the ways that you can do that is just here and now taking a moment and feeling into where you are in time and space, maybe even looking at the time wherever you are, when you're hearing this, what time is it? What day is it? Taking yourself to this present moment right here and now, because truly that's what we have. And when we feel a lot of anxiety about the future or fear or worry, and it can be really hard to feel present. And when we are able to find more capacity in ourselves, we do have a better capacity to show up with more creativity, with more problem solving, with more of our best self so that we can take the steps that we need.
(03:38):
So for first thing, noticing where you are in time and space, maybe just kind of feeling the weight of your body. Maybe you're taking a walk, maybe you're driving, maybe you're cleaning the house, whatever you're doing, just notice where you're standing and maybe even just if you want to pause for one second and just feel your feet on the ground where you are right now. Maybe even looking around your space and noticing what kind of things help you feel. Maybe just more secure in this moment. Maybe it's that the sun is shining or maybe it's that you have a loved one nearby, or maybe it's that you hear a familiar sound in the background, maybe even looking around over your shoulders, really looking around your space, noticing if there's anything in your space that you like to look at.
(04:29):
I'm noticing in my space, I have this pillow over on my couch in my office that's like gold and sparkly, and I'm noticing all my blankets all cuddled up on the bed or on the couch from when I was doing my training this weekend. I spent some time cuddled up on the couch. And maybe just even noticing these little pockets that feel safe enough to lean into a little more. Maybe there's an image that comes to mind for you of a memory or a time that felt just so good. Maybe you were surrounded by people you love. Maybe you were being hugged by someone you love. Maybe you're laughing with a friend. Maybe you're enjoying something beautiful in nature.
(05:24):
Maybe you're enjoying a book. Maybe just taking a minute to think about that moment, what you were doing, where you were, what made it good, were the elements that brought peace and pleasure to that experience. And even as you think of that, maybe just noticing what you're feeling even at the level of maybe your breath or your body temperature, or maybe if there's anything bubbling up that you notice, just kind of allowing whatever is there to be, or maybe allowing your mind to go back to that memory or that thought of a time where you just felt really good and felt comfortable and held and connected. Or if that feels hard to connect to maybe envisioning what that could be like maybe even here and now, just noticing what might feel comfortable in your experience that you're having right here and now. Maybe how that felt to tune into that memory of something that felt good. Oftentimes, it can bring a shift in our nervous system when we can connect to something that brings us joy or love or connection.
(07:11):
And so some of these little tools I like to call resources or one of my mentors, Rachael Maddox calls it the big exhale list. Things that just help you feel relaxed, things that help you feel more present, things that help you feel just like your whole body is relaxing. And sometimes even just bringing yourself to this present moment, thinking about a time or a memory where things felt really good can bring you back to that space. Even in your physiology. I want to share a few more things that might be something that you could connect to on this full body exhale list. It could be you want it to be really simple things, right? So maybe it's take a shower and get dressed and clothes that make you feel good. Maybe it's that you clean up your space a little bit. Maybe you watch a funny video on YouTube. Maybe you read a little bit of your favorite book. Maybe you drink a glass of water. Maybe you take three deep breaths with audible exhales heels. Maybe. Let's do that now. Maybe you want to turn on your favorite song and just let your body move and shake and dance and shake it out. Maybe you want to create a community of support for yourself. Maybe there's a best friend that you want to reach out to and connect with. Maybe you
(08:54):
Could make a list of the people that you really enjoy spending time with that make you feel good, that make you feel seen, that make you feel connected, and make a list of those people and try to create an opportunity to be together. It could even just be a quick phone call or a text. Sometimes I like to call one of some of my best friends and say, I need a little pep talk. Can you send me something that you appreciate about me? And that can feel like a really vulnerable thing to do, but we have to learn to ask for help. It's not easy. It is such a powerful tool, especially when you're feeling low on resource, when you're feeling like it's hard, reaching out to a friend can be huge and letting them know exactly what you need if you're available, and if you're not, that's okay too.
(09:42):
Could you please send me a little voice memo or a text of something that you appreciate about me? I'm having a hard day. And nine times out of 10, you'll get a response because it feels good to help someone else. If your friend asked that of you, how would you respond? It would probably make you feel good to send that out. Sometimes it's even just thinking of somebody that you really love and appreciate and sending a quick text to them can help light you up. Maybe if you have a pet, you could play with your pet.
(10:12):
Maybe you could take a quick walk around the block. Maybe you could just take a moment and then imagine yourself and in one of your favorite places, kind of like we just did, maybe you want to snuggle up in a blanket with a hot cup of tea. Maybe if you play music, you might want to play your instrument. Maybe you want to go to your favorite coffee shop and just be in the presence of other humans. Sometimes that's one of my favorite things to do is just take a walk to the coffee shop and something about that. It's a multi-pronged thing, right? I focus on being outside. I focus on the walk. I usually take my dog or I go through one of my favorite coffee shops that can, even just being in the bustle of other people can sometimes feel good to me. So maybe thinking of some things for you, what that might be, because creating this list is really powerful and I would encourage you to write it down somewhere. Write down these things that help you feel more connected. Because when we are stressed out or when we're overwhelmed or in times of duress, it's really hard to remember what those things are. And so when you can find these little pockets of relative comfort, you can sit in and it makes it easier when you go back into the world, go back into the challenges, go back into the realities that are happening,
(11:55):
Really just make it personal to you. What are the things for you? And I wanted to just share some of these resourcing tools because I think in times like this, these are some of the most powerful things to really help you be able to move forward. And there's a lot of different ways to connect to things like this. And so if this is something that is calling to you and you want more ideas around it, I do have a free resource online. If you go to amanda testa.com/safety and you can just automatically watch the videos there. It's like a three-part series. I did it a few years ago, but the concepts are still very valid. And so I would encourage you to check that out if that calls to you. The other thing I want to share around this is even just doing a little bit of that can often give you more capacity to handle hard things.
(12:47):
When you kind of dip into difficulty, go back to where it feels good, dip into difficulty. It gives you more capacity to sit with difficult things because we don't want to put our heads in the sand and just hide from reality. That doesn't help anything or anyone. But when you can sit with what's hard and build your capacity to do that, it makes it more able for you to find creative solutions. I think one of the things that I have learned in my 10 years of working in this industry, coaching and helping people reconnect their sexuality and heal from trauma and all the things that is one of the things that I am just always amazed by time and time again, is when clients reconnect to this blueprint of health at the center of their body. And sometimes it's really challenging to do right? Sometimes it's not very possible. It feels impossible. But even just finding little pockets where you can sit and somehow even in your mind, just think of something that brings you comfort, it makes it much easier to go back to facing what's hard.
(14:03):
And I'm curious for you how this is landing. What around this would feel more supportive to you? And often people are like, well, you're a sex and relationship coach. Why do you talk so much about this? This is a huge part of it. We are holistic beings, and when we are in states of emergency or duress, our sex hormones are the first to go. And it's okay if that's the case for you. It may feel harder to be in that space, but I also know that connection is the antidote to loneliness. Connection is where hope lies, like community connection, showing up in a way that feels good for your community, surrounding yourself with community. Those things are so important right now. So if that is something you can do, reach out. If that feels hard, maybe think who? What would I like to be a part of more?
(15:01):
And I guarantee you there's people out there that have been doing it a long time that would welcome you, that would love to have you. And so just think about what that is. I know sometimes when you're in a disconnected state or it feels hard, it's kind of like, well, I don't know if I even have the tools and resources to look for things or find ideas or Google. So if that's the case, just know if that's okay too. Make it small, make it doable. Maybe it's reaching out to a friend, like I said, keeping it doable.
(15:35):
Maybe it's reaching out to a neighbor. Maybe it's connecting with a new person that might be someone that you might see in your neighborhood or in your building or wherever it might be that you might want to connect more with. And also knowing that oftentimes these little bits of human connection can be resourcing. That's one of the things I like about going to a coffee shop or taking a walk or being outside is often I pass someone. And isn't it the best feeling? When you share a genuine smile with someone, it can give you just a little moment of connection. And it's interesting because I'm reading this book right now, it's called, I recently started a book club, which I tell you what, that was a really good thing for me because for the past 10 years, most books that I read are always some kind of educational book in my field, something that's always learning.
(16:33):
And I joined this book club where we just read for fun. And I know that's not like a groundbreaking thing, but for me was because I wouldn't allow myself to take breaks to read just for fun. I'm like, oh, I need to be learning this, or I need to be doing that. And it's been really great. So needless to say, also connecting with new people that is fun that I didn't really know before. And so the book we're reading now is called One With the Cure, which is, it's about the team that found the vaccine for polio. And it's interesting how in this book, it was in the forties, so the polio outbreak was going on. World War II was going on. There was all kinds of horrific things. And it just reminds me a lot of today what's going on. But having these little connections and these points of things that would bring connection throughout it all, maybe it was a shared vision or a shared goal, also helps when we have a
(17:48):
Shared collective that really helps. So thinking about what those things are for you, what would support you, and thank you for being here. Again, thank you for listening. I know this podcast is, it's just kind of a straight from the Heart podcast. What I'm feeling right now, it's like I am not feeling my usual self. I'm not feeling, I feel like this is what's important to talk about because this is what I feel like I need and this is what I see people around me need. And when we can come more resource to whatever we're facing, we have a lot better opportunity to, again, bring our best selves forward, to show up creatively, to show up with an open heart and open mind and curiosity. So I hope this has touched your heart in some way, that has brought in maybe a little pocket of peace or connection as you hear my voice. No, that's my intention.
(18:52):
Thanks again for listening, and we'll see you next time. Thank you so much for listening to the Find Your Feminine Fire podcast. This is your host, Amanda Testa. And if you have felt a calling while listening to this podcast to take this work to a deeper level, this is your golden invitation. I invite you to reach out. You can contact me@amandatestthe.com slash activate, and we can have a heart to heart to discuss more about how this work can transform your life. You can also join us on Facebook and the group Find Your Feminine Fire Group. And if you've enjoyed this podcast, please share with your friends. Go to iTunes and give me a five star rating and a raving review so I can connect with other amazing listeners like yourself. Thank you so much for being a part of.