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Amanda Testa is a trusted healer, coach, and guide who’s served hundreds of clients over the years with masterful skills in coaching, pleasure embodiment, and somatic trauma resolution.

Her clients tenderly heal their relationship with their sexuality, shamelessly embrace pleasure, own their sexy confidence, and cultivate deeply connected relationships with her fiercely loving support.

When she’s not leading transformative sessions, you can find her snuggling her spunky 10 year old, flirting with her sexy hubs, playing in nature, enjoying live music, and having epic conversations about sex with fellow experts on her Find Your Feminine Fire podcast.

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Amanda Testa [00:00:01]:

Hello, and welcome to the Find Your Feminine Fire podcast. I am your host, Amanda Testa I am a sex love and relationship coach, and in this podcast, my guests and I talk sex, love, and relationships, and everything that light you up from the inside out. Welcome. Hello, and welcome to the Find Your Feminine Fire podcast.

Amanda Testa [00:00:23]:

This is your host, Amanda Testa. And today, I am diving into 3 ways to feel your desire coming back, feel connected to your sensual spark, I know this time of year, right now, as I record this episode, it is September 7th 2023. And this time of year, I love... because I am one of those people that always load back to school. I love that feeling of getting my new pencils, and my new notebooks and my new trapper keeper. I loved it. And so there's that sense of potential with a new year. And as a mom, I've reclaimed that my year is September to August. Okay? It's not January. January is great, but let's be honest. Things shift. The year for me is September to August. And I love it, because I think it just helps me to feel more in control of the reality of life as mom because during the summer, it's challenging

Amanda Testa [00:01:21]:

to get everything done. I'm like, Holding on by a thread

Amanda Testa [00:01:25]:

And I've noticed that I have just really disconnected from so many of the practices that sustain me. So many of the things that I do to make me feel good. Granted, we've had a great summer. There's been a lot of fun things, but I'm excited to get back into a routine. Anybody out of there with me, but it's excited to get back into a routine. It reminds me of one of the archetypes I love to work with from the rebloom body of work by Rachel Maddox. I'm a certified Rebum coach among other things, but what I really love about this model is you know, when you think about an archetype, it becomes easy to kind of connect to that. Right? Sometimes it can feel hard for ourselves to believe what we're capable. Because we're capable of a lot. And we can when we connect to an archetype, it can help us to remind us of what we're capable of. Right? So I love to architect of the groundskeeper is all around vitality, empowered safety. So what does this mean? You devote to regular care for your health Wellness and thriving. The groundskeeper, if you think about it, if you think about a garden, the groundskeeper is the one who walks around, weeding and watering, you know, making sure everything is getting the right amount of sun, moving things around as they need to be moved around. And so I love connecting to this at these times of year, where, you know, you wanna get new routines in place. So thinking about devoting regular care for your health, wellness, and thriving, you prioritize your physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual well-being. You keep yourself at safe distances from unsafe behavior, situations, locations, and people. You remove what is diminishing your health, and you plant miracles that heal on all levels. So you have vitality that empowers you to share who you are fully to really embody your medicine to create more peace and prosperity in your life. And I think this time of year, I love connecting to the Groundskeeper archetype.

Amanda Testa [00:03:17]:

Now let's face it. There's some ways that life can leave imprints on this health.

Amanda Testa [00:03:24]:

Right? We we all have that ability to connect to that archetype of the groundskeeper, but it can be challenging based on our life experiences. Right? And and so when we think about our life experiences that cause harm to that blueprint, it enables, you know, it makes it hard for the blueprint to shine. It makes it hard to do those things. Right? So these things that can show up are addictions, numbing. I know in the summertime, I will just name that I have had a little too much fun in some areas. And I have not been caring for myself the way I normally do, and I can find myself, like, when I get into this into that -- pattern of, like, numbing out. It's important for me to pause and recommit to finding my own health, finding the

Amanda Testa [00:04:06]:

the help of my groundskeeper and bringing that back online because we're human. Right? We're gonna ebb and flow, and we're never gonna be perfect, but more often than not, if we can make the choices that serve us, and support us if more often than not, if we can create the rituals and routines that do contribute to our overall vitality, Then we're doing the right things. Right? So the other thing that can happen is we can also tend to cling to environments or relationship people or jobs, for instance, of security, even if they're not aligned. So that can be something that can show up as well, kind of in the hypo response of the groundskeeper. So ways it shows up that are kind of like, oh, feeling shut down. Right?

Amanda Testa [00:04:46]:

I'm just gonna numb out. It's gonna bypass

Amanda Testa [00:04:49]:

all the things that are bothering me. I am going to, you know, and it also can stem go even further into, you know, even depression or chronic illness. So we want to be aware and not judge ourselves. Heck, no. We're not judging ourselves here. We're bringing compassion and understanding like, wow. What I've been through in life has been challenging, and these are some of the ways That idea with it, also kind of re trying to help our self remember that we can make different choices that support us, and we can smart and start in small doable ways. Right? Some of the the other side of this coin is when we kind of respond from a hyper place, like a over response, so to speak, -- would be outburst. Right? Like, maybe you have outburst of anger or aggression or frustration, extreme highs and lows. You could feel You know, again, addiction can show up here as well, but feeling like this need for speed and, like, moving towards chaos and maybe even cycles of externalized violence. And this is the way that shows up, right, when we are kind of just find ourselves with that anger, frustration. And it's interesting because in a lot of ways, I can go to both streams here. Right?

Amanda Testa [00:05:51]:

I can also have those outbursts,

Amanda Testa [00:05:53]:

and I know for myself as a busy mom juggling tons of things. That when I find myself having the outburst, it's another reminder that, okay.

Amanda Testa [00:06:02]:

This, like, for example, this morning,

Amanda Testa [00:06:04]:

I was I I went to put something in the bathroom, and I stubbed my toe. And I was

Amanda Testa [00:06:08]:

like, all

Amanda Testa [00:06:09]:

these explosive, cuss words came out of my mouth. I was like, okay. Well, that's not really. That's not how I normally want to be, and it's okay that that happens. Right? I know my history. These things are gonna happen. But usually, it's because I'm not taking care of myself in the way that I need to. And we can all fall into this.

Amanda Testa [00:06:27]:

And so I love this time of year because to me, it's like a fresh start. It's a fresh start.

Amanda Testa [00:06:32]:

So even as we just listen to this, if you're listening to the podcast, no matter where you are, maybe just take a moment and just, take a deep breath, maybe give yourself shake. Maybe if it feels good, maybe just tap your body a little bit or just hold. You're give yourself a hug if you're not driving and you can. Just so connect with yourself a little bit and just honoring where you are. Right. We are, again, we're not judging ourselves. We're just honoring where we are, and we can make little commitments that we will tend to our self a little more carefully. Right? You can tend to yourself. You can do what you need to do to take care of yourself. Right? And I think this is such a such a beautiful archetype. And so what are some of the ways that you can do this? Because when it comes to reconnecting to our turn on to our desire, to wanting, to want to have sex, to wanting to, like, be in that aspect of ourselves, there has to be some foundations of health. Right? I mean, to be honest with you, there are certain times in life where we're not gonna be feeling that. And it's sometimes we just gotta ride the waves of the seasons. We gotta ride the waves of the seasons. But I wanna share with you three ways that you can connect to your turn on and feel that desire again.

Amanda Testa [00:07:35]:

And the first thing is This is something that I do

Amanda Testa [00:07:38]:

on a regular basis because this is not to be understated. It's a simple practice, but it is so powerful when you actually do it. Right? That's the key. Like, listening, reading books, listening to podcasts are all amazing, but you also sometimes have to actually DO the things that you're learning, which Hello. You know, we all we we do get some good information through the transmission of audio. So I do love a podcast for that, but also taking the time to actually do the practice I'm gonna invite you. This first practice, I want you to make the time to do it in the next week. Alright? So this is connecting to your desires. What do you want? What is it that you want right here and now? And the reason we do this on a regular basis because it changes. It changes daily, weekly, seasonally, it changes what we want. But as we move into this new season of fall, really taking some time and dropping into your body and being. Taking some breaths, sitting with yourself, setting a timer for 15 minutes. And I want you to use this 15 minutes. To write down all the things that you want, all the things that you desire, maybe it's an emotion, maybe it's something physical, maybe it's a cup

Amanda Testa [00:08:46]:

of coffee, maybe it's a

Amanda Testa [00:08:47]:

a vacation to a tropical island. Maybe it's it feels safe. Maybe it's to to feel loved. Maybe it's to get a hug from your partner. Whatever it is. Write those things down. And I want you to do it for 10 minutes because we're setting a timer for 15 minutes. The first ten is writing. You wanna just give yourself that opportunity To connect back to what lights you up because that is the root of reconnecting to your desire, remembering what turns you on in all ways. Right? It's not always sexual. Remembering that things that make you feel good and maybe there are sexual things on that list. Amazing,

Amanda Testa [00:09:20]:

which is what are the things that make you feel good that make you feel alive that you want What do you want? Give yourself that gift of being honest with yourself, letting yourself answer that question. What do you want and let yourself write it down? Don't censor yourself. Just let yourself have this opportunity to let go of all the barriers, all the obstacles in your mind. Just have fun. Let your imagination run wild. Okay? And after the 10 minutes is up, you're gonna take

Amanda Testa [00:09:46]:

a minute and you're gonna pause. You're gonna notice how you're feeling in your body. Notice what sensations you're noticing, maybe any emotions, maybe any images come to mind, just whatever you're you're feeling, whatever you're experiencing, take a minute and note what that is. Maybe you even wanna write it down. I often find after I spend 10 minutes writing about what I want, I feel a little more open. In my chest. And sometimes I feel like maybe a little tension. Like, it always changes, but just noticing what happens. And then I want you to look back over your list. And really kind of notice, what is the overall theme? Because often it's a theme. Sometimes, you know, maybe it's an emotional theme, whatever it can be. Just maybe noticing what the theme is. Maybe it's that when you look at the theme, you're realizing, I need to escape. I need to find some, a sense of freedom. So with that, what are maybe what is 1 or 2 things that you could do realistically over the next week or 2 that would help you feel that feeling? So for me, when I know if I have a lot of things about travel or adventure or escape, it's like I need a little break. So maybe that looks like I can get my husband to watch my daughter and take a hike with a friend this weekend, or maybe I could just make it shorter. Right? Maybe I just watch a 20 minute national geographic special of somewhere beautiful that can help me connect to that. Right? There's ways that you can take these bigger experiences and kind of like, what is the feeling that you wanna feel on the other side of it and tap into something like that. Right? Maybe it's like after you look at everything, it's a feeling of, okay. Well, I want to make x amount of money and I want to get a new car and I need a new computer or whatever the things are. Maybe that at the end of the day, what is that you're wanting to feel more safety? Maybe you want to feel more resourced. And so what are some ways you can do that? So I oftentimes, like, when I'm feeling It's like focusing on what are the things that you do have, right, focusing on clean water, focusing on going to the grocery store, just being in that abundance of the grocery store. Doesn't mean you have to buy anything. Maybe you don't have the funds to

Amanda Testa [00:11:37]:

buy what you want. But just like being

Amanda Testa [00:11:38]:

in that environment of this is a space where I could get whatever I need, if I needed to. Right? So these are some ways, like, just to kind of those are some ways you can do that. Right? But it's taking the time to tap into your desires. -- noticing how you feel after doing that and then making getting the theme, what is the theme of your desires and creating one action step, one doable thing that can connect you with that experience. Okay? If you need help with this, you can always reach out to me. But I love that practice, and I do it on the regular because It really kind of helps us drop back into, okay, what is it that I need? What is it that I need? Because we our our culture just gets us so disconnected from that. And it when you can just take that time to drop in and understand what you need. Oftentimes, it's not as hard as you think to meet those needs, even on a small level. Alright. So that's number 1. Number 2. Do something that make your body feel good. Okay? Now this is one of the keys of dropping into your sensuality is using your 5 senses. Right? And, again, depending on your life experience, maybe there are certain senses that you enjoy connecting with more than others, but really noticing what that is for you. And so what can you do to really relish in your body? Something that makes you feel really good. So that could be a simple thing. It could be sitting outside feeling the sun on your body. It could be taking a run. It could be taking a bath. It could be going to a yoga class. Right? It could be a million different things. It could be painting your nails. It could be putting on some makeup It could be taking a shower and getting dressed for the day. Those simple things can make you feel good in your body. And the more you feel good in your body, the more you want to put yourself out there. I have an example for myself. This weekend was Labor Day weekend, and we've been really busy. And so I wanted to stick around and kinda keep it mellow. We were gonna go out of town. We stayed in town. We went and saw Phish, which we always love to do. Going to see live music is one of My favorite things, I am such a fan of music, and I've been and it was great. Right? I've been seeing Phish for 30 years. And I just love -- all the fun that being is facilitated in my life, all the connections, all the friendships. My husband and I have a blast when we go together, which is so amazing. And so we had such a good time. And it felt so good to get, you know, just to get dressed up and go out and do something we both love and just drop back into ourselves and our bodies and move and dance.

Amanda Testa [00:14:02]:

It was great. Then the rest

Amanda Testa [00:14:04]:

of the weekend, we I had a couple other things that were on my agenda, but I I found myself like, I barely took a shower the rest of the weekend. I was just, like, working in the yard, cleaning the house, doing things. We went to Water World, took my kid to the water park, and I was just like, mhmm. Yeah. I don't feel like getting dressed up. I don't feel like taking a shower or anything. And I just looked at myself at the end of the weekend, and I looked

Amanda Testa [00:14:25]:

I felt like I was looking pretty haggard, which

Amanda Testa [00:14:27]:

is there's nothing wrong with that. Right? But I was like, mhmm. Yeah. It's no wonder that I'm not wanting my husband to touch me right now because I feel gross. I don't like the way I'm looking right now.

Amanda Testa [00:14:35]:

I'm not feeling good in my body. This is my own experience. Right? Everyone's different. So then I noticed yesterday,

Amanda Testa [00:14:40]:

it felt so good to take a shower, to get dressed in something that felt good to put makeup on, to, like, do my hair, and I just felt so much better. I just felt good. And, again, this might be something different for you, but that just made me feel good. And then I remember my husband cam ustairs and was like, oh, you look beautiful. What's going on? Right? Because I was also in my own energy. It felt good to take care of myself and luxuriate in the shower. And take that time to feel the hot water and to wash my hair and massage my scalp. I have this I got this shower brush, which let me just tell you. You need to invest in this if you want a little more pleasure in your life. Get a scalp massager. And when you wash your hair, massage your scalp. It's my new favorite thing. I just got this a few weeks ago.

Amanda Testa [00:15:25]:

I was like, this is life changing.

Amanda Testa [00:15:27]:

The pleasure that I get in the shower. Oh, gosh. Alright. And then in a moment, then I shower, I wash my body, then I give myself a breast massage, and I just I'm so loving to myself. I really turned it into a ritual of self worship in a beautiful way, like in a sacred way, tending to my body with care, with love. And because I have cultivated this ritual because I've been doing it for 10 plus years, being intentional about it, it has transformed my experience with getting ready. Right? So Second thing is doing something that makes your body feel good. Right? Whatever that is for you. And if that feels challenging, you don't know what that is, maybe Think about that. Like, what are some things that could be? What is some possibilities? What are some things that could make my body feel good?

Amanda Testa [00:16:08]:

If it feels hard to connect with that right now, What

Amanda Testa [00:16:10]:

are some things that I could possibly make my body feel more neutral or just more stable? Or maybe it's just feeling your feet on the ground and looking at your feet on the ground and rubbing them on the ground and realizing are held by gravity if that's if that's, you know, what you can connect to and let it build from there. Alright? The third thing, this is something that also can help with feeling more desire and all of that is number 3, connection. Connection. What does that mean to you? For me, that is a huge value. Connection to me means knowing that I'm not in it alone. And sometimes in the busyness of life, we can get really siloed. We can get really disconnected. Right? We could feel like we don't have a community. We can feel like we don't friends. We can feel like our partner's being an asshole. We can feel like our kids are driving us crazy. But what we can do to turn that around is start to focus on connection. And, again, my number one way to do that is connecting with myself first and foremost, so all of the practices I mentioned earlier are great ways to do that, but maybe even taking some time and What would it feel like to just maybe place a hand on your heart? Or if you don't wanna touch your own body, bring your awareness to that part and just, like, connect with yourself for a few minutes. Even if it's for 2 minutes, just like sitting with a hand on your heart, maybe a hand on your low belly or just sitting, like, placing your hands on your body somewhere and just feeling that connection, feeling the warmth, noticing what happens. If that's accessible to you. The other thing is noticing, like, what about your life is something that you enjoy connecting with? It could be nature. It could be your pet. It could be your kid. Could be your partner. Right? And so oftentimes I find myself if I'm feeling really disconnected or I don't feel loved, then that's my intention for the day. Is I want to feel loved and appreciated by everyone and everything that crosses my path today. Intentioned is such a huge thing. And so I usually will write down. I wanna feel loved and romance by my husband. I wanna feel loved and adored by my kid. I want my dog to come and sit in cuddle with me.

Amanda Testa [00:18:04]:

I want to feel loved by everyone.

Amanda Testa [00:18:07]:

every person who crosses my path today. And sometimes that happens. Sometimes it doesn't, but nine times out of 10, -- what I notice about myself is that I am more

Amanda Testa [00:18:16]:

willing to connect because oftentimes, again, I

Amanda Testa [00:18:19]:

warn that disconnect state. We don't want anyone around us. We're like, oh, just don't touch me. Just stay away. When we can turn that around by just starting with ourselves, like, what what would feel good for me today? Right? And maybe If I want more love, how could I give more love? How could I give more love to myself? Maybe how could I slow down what I'm doing so I can appreciate the connection that I do have in my life. Maybe I'll slow down, and I'll just spend a couple extra minutes petting the dog. Y'all know how much I love

Amanda Testa [00:18:44]:

my dog. I just got him groomed, and

Amanda Testa [00:18:46]:

he is the softest thing,

Amanda Testa [00:18:47]:

and I just -- love snuggling with him on the couch in the morning, and I'll just pet him. And just we just have

Amanda Testa [00:18:52]:

our little love fest, and it is absolutely amazing. I love my dog so much. And pets can be such a beautiful resource of connection. And then, you know, now that we have this new school year, we're still kind of navigating the routine. So as I tell you, this podcast episode. I am listening for my own self, and then my kiddo gets up right when I get up. And so that's kind of changing my little morning love fest with my dog a little bit. We have less love fest time, but I also she wants to snuggle, and I love that too. So we'll have just, you know, a little quiet time. Used to feel like, oh, I gotta hustle. We got so much to do. We only have an hour. We gotta rush. Gotta make breakfast. Gotta make lunch. Balada. Badadeeda. But I've changed my mindset there being like, okay. If connection is one of my values, How can I slow down and actually connect to my kid in this moment? I can spend 10 minutes While she's waking up just giving her a hug or rubbing her head, I can slow down. And when I do that, I notice, like, my whole system softens. All that cortisol, all that adrenaline that's going first thing in the morning after my coffee,

Amanda Testa [00:19:52]:

it slows down. And I can be present. And then

Amanda Testa [00:19:56]:

It actually is good for the both of us to have just a little quiet time to wake up and get my thoughts together in my head just have some silence. And then I can go about, like, okay, breakfast, lunch, all the things. Right? So what are the ways that you might be able to enjoy the connection in your life a little more? Maybe could you slow down and notice when your partner comes home? Like, can you actually pause and give them a kiss? Look them in the eyes. Can you slow down and make time for connection with them? One of the things that we did this weekend, I'll tell you another personal story because We have a challenge. Giving our kiddo to eat help eating her to eat healthy food, real food is such a challenge. And so we're trying to encourage her to join us in cooking, which she never wants to, but had something that she really wanted to make, and she was super excited about

Amanda Testa [00:20:42]:

it for the first time in years. So we were like, alright.

Amanda Testa [00:20:45]:

We are gonna take advantage of this. And so We got the recipe, and we all three worked on making it together. We had some music going, and we laughed and danced and had the best time. It was like, It was the most beautiful experience, which is not usually the case when it comes to cooking gutter. It was so wonderful, though. And then I was dancing with my daughter at one point. I was like, See, Kiddo, this is the best part of cooking is when you can dance in the kitchen, and she laughed. And we had a blast, and it was so great. And I realized, wow, I do have this connection around me. When I choose to allow it, when I choose to tap into it, when I choose to move towards what makes me feel good. And not push or force it, right, because the pushing, the forcing, that's often what pushes it away. But just kind of slowing down and noticing how could I

Amanda Testa [00:21:32]:

invite more connection right now? Maybe it is just letting my child come to

Amanda Testa [00:21:37]:

me, letting my partner come to me, maybe giving space. Maybe I

Amanda Testa [00:21:40]:

need to maybe I'm the one that takes

Amanda Testa [00:21:42]:

a lot of space and maybe I need to move closer. Right? Maybe I do need to, like,

Amanda Testa [00:21:45]:

go downstairs and When my husband's working after,

Amanda Testa [00:21:49]:

you know, it's been a long day. And I'm like, alright. You're still working here? Maybe you let's pause and, like, hang out a few minutes and talk and sit on his lap and flirt I was laughing the other day because he was on a call, and I snuck in there. And he's like, okay. Let me let me turn off the video, but he did not turn off the sound. Hey, wee. We're having some very flirty conversation that was quite spicy. And finally, someone was like, Mark, you're not muted. So that was pretty hysterical. And I turned beat red, and we laughed so hard. He's like, sorry. You just caught me flirting with my wife there. And I laughed, and I enjoyed the connection, but also realized, like, yes. Let it be an inspiration. Would it be great if everyone was, like, flirting with their partner and had those little bursts of connection throughout their day. Yes. Would be amazing. So these three things are simple ways that you can -- tap back into yourself, your desire, your turn on, your sensuality. And the more you do this, the more you will feel in the mood to connect, the more you kind of reconnect to your own desires, what you want. So I'll invite you to 1. Take that time. Check-in with your desires. Right? Number 2, do something that makes your body feel good. And number 3, notice where you can let in more connection. And let me know how it goes for you. Alright? And if you feel like you want more help in this, I am actually offering a free 3 day event that is going to be September 27th, 28th, 29th. From noon to 1 PM MST every day, I am going to be leading an interactive experience where we're gonna dive deeper on each of these topics, it's gonna be free. And I would love it if you would join me. If you feel like you wanna actually take the time to do this in real time, then you'll have the opportunity. And if you wanna learn more about it, you can go to amandatesta.com/awaken. This event is called Awaken Your Desire a 3 day odyssey to tap into your sensual aliveness, your turn on, and to unleash that ultimate feminine fire within you. So I hope that if nothing else, use these tools. These are really powerful tools. So often, so much of what I I have learned in my own life is simple, right, through multiple different disciplines. You know, I've been doing this work for a decade. I worked with thousands of women. I've done numerous certifications and trainings, and I just find time and time again, no matter how many different teachers I work with at the root of of everything, there's some core teachings. Right? And and some of them are very profound yet simple. And that's why I like to go back to what's doable, what's simple, because that, my friends, is what makes the long term changes. Right? So I am wishing you so much love. I hope you enjoyed this podcast episode. If you have a friend that you think would benefit, please forward it along as well. And, again, join me for this free 3 day event. We'd love to have you. Again, it's the September 27th 28 29th, there is gonna be recordings. It's only an hour every day, and everything's gonna be recorded if you sign up. So go to amandatesta.com/awaken and I will see you there. wishing your beautiful week, and I will see you soon. Thank you for listening to the Find Your Finishing Fire podcast. If you love this episode, please go ahead and forward it right now to someone who you know would love it. And if you've not yet had a chance to leave us a rave review on Apple Podcasts, please make sure to rate and review if you enjoyed the Pod cast, as well as make sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. Thanks for listening, and we'll see you next week.