JOIN IN THE DISCUSSION ON THIS EPISODE AND MORE IN MY FREE FACEBOOK GROUP, FIND YOUR FEMININE FIRE HERE.

Amanda Testa is a trusted healer, coach, and guide who’s served hundreds of clients over the years with masterful skills in coaching, pleasure embodiment, and somatic trauma resolution.

After thousands of hours of training in trauma informed sex and relationship coaching, tantric sex coaching, energy healing, somatic trauma resolution, breathwork, yoni egg coaching and more, she’s seen time and time again the magic and wisdom of our bodies.

We all have the ability to return to our blueprint of health, aliveness, pleasure and sovereignty, and you can too.

With her powerful, loving and gentle support her clients find their desire and pleasure again, find safety and bliss in their bodies, and remember they are enough just as they are.

Find out more about her new monthly Pleasure Membership HERE.

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EPISODE 258: Spring Cleaning for Your Sexuality


[Fun, Empowering Music]

Amanda Testa: Hello, and welcome to the Find Your Feminine Fire podcast. I am your host, Amanda Testa. I am a sex, love, and relationship coach, and in this podcast, my guests and I talk sex, love, and relationships, and everything that lights you up from the inside out. Welcome!

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Can we talk about spring cleaning for your sexuality? because as we are moving into spring, today as I record this it’s the equinox, and we are inviting in the return of the light, right? Spring is coming. That budding, that growth, that new energy, that new budding, and this is such a great time to really take stock of what’s working and what might need some sloughing off. And so, what I want to talk about today is ways to kind of revive your libido as we move into the spring. So, sit back and relax, and as we move into the episode, maybe even just think to yourself, “What can I do right now to make my experience just a little bit more pleasurable,” and invite that in, and we will get right rolling!

1:09

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Hey, what’s up? It’s Amanda! If you're enjoying this pod, and if you are interested in how sensual self-care can transform your life and want to learn, “How do we do this? What’s that even mean,” then I invite you to join my membership called The Pleasure Foundation. This is a place where you are going to learn the tricks, the tools, everything you need to tap into a regular sensual self-care practice and not to be alone on your journey. You’ll get to enjoy two live sensual self-care practices a month and really have the opportunity to get rid of shame, to embrace your pleasure, and to have a lot more fun in your sex life. Join us at www.amandatesta.com/tpf!

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Welcome back to the pod, and as we move into our spring cleaning of our sex life, the first thing I’m gonna ask you is -- what I like to break this down into is we’re gonna look at three different areas today. We’re gonna look at your mental landscape, your physical landscape, and also your energetic landscape.

2:08

So, when it comes to the mental landscape, when we’re looking at how to embrace in more of a springtime libido, if you will, bringing back that curiosity, that awakening energy, what might come to mind for you, mentally? What might be standing in your way, mentally, right? When you are thinking about having a better sex life, feeling more connected to your sensuality, feeling more connected to your sexuality, what are the blocks that are coming up right off the bat? Maybe it’s shame. Maybe it’s, “I feel too busy.” Maybe, “I don't have the time.” Maybe, “I’m not feeling good in my body.” Maybe, “I don't know. I’m stressed about finances.” Maybe, “I’m worried about the world --.” Could be a million things, right?

So, for you, just taking a minute and tuning in. What is it for you that comes up, is standing in the way of feeling connected to your sexuality, to your sensuality, to your life force?

3:21

I’m giving you a little minute to think on this because I’m curious what comes up. Oftentimes, we have a lot of shame, right? We have a lot of shame that stands in the way of enjoying ourselves fully, sexually, even people that are in long-term relationships. Shame can come up in a lot of different ways. Sometimes it can be like a sneaky little scoundrel that only pops up every once in a while, and it’s pretty easy to move past, but maybe you’ll feel a little guilty or dirty after sex, and you're like, “Eh, I’m gonna go to sleep and worry about that tomorrow,” and then when you wake up it’s gone. For other people, it can be really intense like it’s someone sitting on your back or like there’s someone in your room and you can't get comfortable, and you can't find your flow, and you're just worried the whole time or can't get out of your head during sex.

4:01

Sometimes it can actually manifest as physical pain, right? Sometimes it can show up as your body shutting down sexually or not being open at all, right? There’s a lot going on here. And so, I actually just did a great workshop in my Pleasure Foundation Membership where I did a whole workshop on slang shame. So, you might want to check that out if that’s something that comes up for you, but even just kind of looking at, “What were the things I was taught around sex, what are the things I was taught,” and, “Is that really true? What do I know to be true today?” Those can be two simple questions to just start you on that journey to unwind that a little bit.

Next, I want to talk about our physical, things physically that we could do as we’re doing a little spring cleaning just to invite in a renewed springtime energy around our sexuality and around getting our libido back because something that I just see times and time again is that, no matter what, your libido can always return, all right?

5:02

I just want you to know this. It can always come back. It can always come back. Even if you feel like it’s been gone too long, I assure you it can come back, and that’s the beautiful thing about this is that we don't have to have all the answers; we just have to have a willingness. And when there’s a willingness, that invites in change. And so, I love this so much because I feel like people are always like, “Well, what can I do to get my libido back when I feel it’s gone?” So, since it’s spring, this is a beautiful time to start inviting in some strategies.

So, I’m gonna share some of my favorite strategies today because I actually was just on another podcast, and I was feeling all fired up about this. Because when we think about our sensual self-care, oftentimes we don't look at our sexual health very often, right? Maybe once a year when we go to the gyno or maybe if there’s a problem. Those are the only times we think about it, for most of us. And so, what I want to invite in is kind of looking at the workout we don't talk about: how could I just care for my sensual and sexual health by actually doing something about it?

6:05

If you think about going to the gym, you want to get healthy, maybe you want to move your body a little bit more, maybe you start walking more or moving your body in some ways that feel good, maybe you want to go to the gym, whatever it is, right, you want to start moving your body more, then you actually have to do something about it, right? You have to actually move the body. And the same is true for our sexual health, right? If we want it to get better, we actually have to do something about it. We have to put in the reps, so to speak. We have to learn how to be with our body, how to touch it, how it works, and for each of us, this is our own journey. You always want to go at a pace that feels good to you, but as you pursue this, maybe it’s even thinking, “Huh, do I feel like I fully understand how my sexual anatomy works, how it functions, how to work with it?” If the answer is, “I don't know,” then maybe spend some time looking at it, right?

I do these workshops every month in The Pleasure Foundation.

7:01

The one I did a couple of months ago I did all around the anatomy of pleasure and really understanding how your anatomy works, and specifically for vulva-bodied humans. So, I think even just taking some time to learn more about your arousal and how it works can go a long way. So, as we’re moving into spring, maybe thinking for yourself, “Huh, how can I invite in -- maybe if I was just to make a few dates with myself over the next couple of weeks to just check in. How am I feeling in my body, what would I like to feel better, and what are some ideas I have to make it feel better? Do I want to just maybe offer myself a gentle massage? I could even touch my own face.”

I often share this one hold that I think is so great because one of the reasons sensual self-care is so important is it can increase your oxytocin, and it’s that feeling of feeling good so that you're not going from 0 to 60, right? You're humming around at a 20 all the time. That’s one of the things that we can do to kind of jumpstart this libido, so to speak, is by doing things on a regular basis that make us feel good, that get that oxytocin flowing, and we can even do this by touching our own body, by touching our own skin.

8:14

And so, I often share this hold with clients, and it’s great for anytime. If you're feeling overwhelmed or if you just want to connect with yourself a little bit, you take one palm, and you place it on your forehead, and you place one hand on the back of your neck. So, you kind of are holding your head in between your hands. You are just kind of holding this position and maybe noticing if you want to sit up a little straighter, get your spine straight. You have this feeling of containment. It’s also your hands on the back of your skull, you can even massage back there a little bit. It’s kind of stimulating the vagus nerve. This hold is doing numerous things, which I won't get into all the details of it, but just kind of notice for yourself.

If you are in a place where you can do that, try it. Maybe you're not. Maybe you're walking the dog or driving. Don't do it. But just keep that one in your back pocket because that’s a simple thing you can do, and actually, touching your own skin does increase your oxytocin.

9:07

Simple things like, “All right, well, how can I maybe enjoy my senses more,” right? Sensuality, that’s all it is is enjoying pleasure through our five senses. So, maybe noticing, “Oh, could I maybe enjoy some music that I love? What’s some music that I enjoy? Can I put that on, and can I listen to it,” and really enjoy the music, and maybe dance or maybe even sing. I actually just read a study about how even singing increases oxytocin and feel-good hormones. I love to sing, and I found this to be true. I think anyone who has been following me for a while might remember my journey with singing last year and how I worked with a singing coach, but it makes such a difference to be able to just move your voice in that way.

Maybe you don't want to sing. Maybe you want to hum or just listen to something you love on Spotify or wherever your favorite place to hear things is. Maybe you want to think in, “Okay, what are some foods that I really love to eat? Maybe I want to try something new!”

10:03

I think this is such a great way to invite in novelty is even just think about foods. Go to the grocery store and maybe pick out something that you've never tried before and really give yourself the experience of smelling it, touching it, looking at the colors, tasting it, really letting it be a sensual experience, right? These are simple things that you can do to kind of jumpstart that aliveness and that sensuality, which leads to moving the libido needle.

Also, maybe noticing as well, “What are the things that I love to touch? Am I enjoying the clothes that I’m wearing?” I know this kind of sounds like a silly thing, but it is a really big thing because a lot of the women that I work with are struggling with self-image issues and feeling good in their skin, and so, a lot of that can come down to are you comfortable in the clothing that you have on? And if not, is there a way to get rid of the things that make you feel gross and get something that makes you feel better, right? Maybe you do a clothing swap with some friends if you don't want to spend a lot of money, or go to the thrift store, or maybe you could try a clothing rental thing or whatever it might be, but just playing around with, “It’s spring! How might I want to shift my wardrobe? Maybe do I want to invite in textures that feel good to my skin or clothing that feels comfortable or shoes that feel comfortable?”

11:12

Maybe you work from home and you're always in sweats, and maybe you want to step it up a little bit, or maybe you always are feeling like you have to wear a lot of formal clothes and you want to relax. Just play with what you're putting on your body because one of our senses is touch, right? And when we are wearing something that feels uncomfortable or that doesn't make us feel good, that affects all of us.

So, all these little things are little teeny tiny steps you can make to move the libido needle. Making sure you're feeling good in your clothes. Making sure when you go in your closet, everything in there fits you. If something doesn't fit, put it in a box, and stick it in the garage or get rid of it because I learned this years ago. I won a closet makeover, and I was in my early 20s at this time, so it was quite some time ago, but one of the best pieces of advice that person gave me was, “If something is in your closet and it doesn't fit, get it the hell out of there because all it’s gonna do is make you feel bad.”

12:04

When you go into your closet, you want to be able to fit in the clothes that are in there, you want to be able to feel good about what’s in there, and if it’s not, just put it away. If you don't want to get rid of it yet, it’s got sentimental value, put it in a box, stick it in the garage, whatever. But make it a sensual experience to go into your closet, so it looks pretty in there, that it feels good. I mean, literally, I live in a house that was built in the 20s, so my closet’s about the size of a shoebox, so it’s super tiny. But it doesn't matter what size your closet is. You can still make it so that there are things in there that feel good and that you enjoy the experience, because that, too, sets the tone for the day.

All these things add up, and I know I’m kind of rambling a little bit, but it’s just these are the tips that you can do, right? I’m breaking them down very simply by looking at just the senses, right? Trying something new, listening to something you like, making sure that you’re touching things that feel good on a regular basis, or even looking into your environment where you work, can you invite in a couple more things to invite in some more comfort in your space? Maybe you bring in some essential oils.

13:04

On my chair I have this soft lambskin thing behind me because I love how it feels. It’s not real lambskin because I’m allergic to lanolin, but it’s just so soft, and I love wearing soft things because I’m a sensual person, so that is important to me. I have a lot of color around my space. So, maybe inviting some of those things into your space, like what are the things that you could do to spruce up your space, right? When we clear out the old, the beautiful thing, too, is as we do this, we’re making space for the new, which I’m gonna talk about in a second when I get to the energetics.

But one more thing I want to share, too, on the physical plane is doing your sensual self-care is such a key component of your overall health and wellness. So, I really do think it’s the workout we don't talk about, and we need to be talking about it because this is one of the main things that can move the needle when it comes to your libido, because when you want something to get better, you have to spend time and energy with it, right? You have to take time nourishing it. Granted, it doesn't have to be a lot of time. I get it. We’re all busy people, myself included.

14:02

But we can make these little pockets of time that are just devoted to our own pleasure, and when you do that, it is going to change everything.

So, I’m telling you, this is a really important thing that I want you to get, and I know I preach this all the time because this is the thing I see people struggling with the most is actually doing the things, right? It’s easy to learn and it’s easy to listen to the podcast and read the books and do all this and that. But actually doing it is harder. So, that’s why I created The Pleasure Foundation is to have a place we can show up and have that community to do it with, but also just because oftentimes we don't even know what to do.

I was talking to a friend recently who has had a very overwhelming bit of time, and crazy busy work, small kids, all the things, challenging things going on in the relationship, just all kinds of things going on. And I was talking with them, and I was like, “What is it that you want? If you had a full day to yourself, and you could just do whatever you wanted all day long, what would you do?” They looked at me, and they were like, “To be honest with you, Amanda, I don't even freaking know what I want.”

15:05

I hear that a lot from clients when you're going through a transition or things are hard or you're feeling overwhelmed. It’s like you don't even know what you want, and so, slowing down and just tuning in, “What are the things that I want? What could bring me pleasure right now,” even if it’s maybe a nap, right, whatever it is, small or big, it’s giving yourself the opportunity to connect to that and slowing down to even know what that is can be a first step, which is why I love just using sensuality as a tool because it invites in that, “Could I just pop in and do a quick sensuality check? What am I feeling right now? What am I smelling? What am I tasting? What am I seeing?” Especially doing this when it’s a good moment, when it’s a nice moment, so that you can kind of lock in those feelings of what feels good, right?

16:00

I love it. It’s just doing that quick sensation snapshot. What am I experiencing in this moment, especially when it’s a good moment? If you want extra credit there, you can even write that down at the end of the day, like, “Oh, my most pleasurable moment of the day was XYZ.” If you want to be celebrated in that, you can go post it in my Find Your Feminine Fire Facebook Group. I will celebrate you! I celebrate all the pleasure that everyone is experiencing, no matter how big or small because the more we celebrate it, the more we kind of require our brains to look for it, right? Because pleasure and pain both originate in the same place in the brain, and so, when we can more default to what feels good, when we can kind of train our brain to look for what is good, we’ll find more of it, right? That’s just basic positive psychology, too. It’s not to bypass the hard things, which is why there are oftentimes deeper things that need to be worked though, but here I’m just giving you some really doable things that you can -- listen to this podcast if you implement some of these things, you are gonna feel refreshed in having a little spring cleaning around your sexuality and your libido.

16:58

Finally, as I mentioned earlier, I want to talk about the energetics here because I am such a big fan of energy, and when we clear out the old, we actually make space for new. It’s an energetic principle. Even just the act of physically cleansing a space energetically opens the space. So, when you're taking that time mentally, writing down all the things that are standing in the way, it’s clearing out that space. It’s clearing out that stuck energy, that stagnancy, those mental loops so that you can invite in a new possibility, right? When you're kind of reviewing those things, like, “What are the things standing in the way of my pleasure,” writing them down, spending some time digesting those, reframing them, maybe thinking about some strategies that could look different, that is creating this new energetic space of possibility for what you do want to call in.

The same thing physically, right? When we are exploring new things in our body, we are creating new loops. When we’re exploring, “Well, you know what? I’ve never really spent a lot of time exploring this part of my body, and maybe that would feel fun to do, or maybe it feels scary and I don't want to. Why does it?” So, giving yourself that opportunity to even feel through your body, like, “What could I do to maybe just take a little bit better care of myself? Maybe I need to do that little hold Amanda taught me a couple times a day. Maybe that’s simply it.”

18:09

Maybe it’s, “I want to quit wearing these pants that are cutting me in half and go find a new pair,” right? Maybe it’s, “I’m done with pants! I’m just gonna wear skirts and no underwear,” whatever it is for you. [Laughs] Just saying. Finding something that could clear out that space physically, right? It’s so big.

I also love this, too, when we’re thinking about physically trying new things, it’s just giving ourselves permission to be awkward and for it to be uncomfortable and laugh maybe a little bit because, as we learn new things, it’s always gonna be clunky and weird at first, and that is totally okay. So, maybe you're new to the podcast, and you're like, “I have no idea what you're talking about.” That’s okay. It can feel confusing to our brain to embrace pleasure as a way of life, as just a normal -- sensual self-care is just, “I will brush my teeth, I will do my sensual self-care.” This is a way we can just keep that libido alive and humming is by taking care of ourselves and creating that energy.

19:03

Finally, when I’m talking about energetics, the other thing I want to say to this is that we truly do -- our sexual energy is our life-force energy, and in the Taoist philosophy, what we’re doing is we’re connecting to that, our life-force energy, that Jing Qi is our life-force. It originates in our sexual organs or our kidneys, and there are exercises and practices that you can do to boost this energy. So, it’s one of the most potent sources of energy that can be replenished and universally used in the human body, and so, you can also tap into this and use it to heal your body, to energize your body, to nourish your body, and to also alchemize the spiritual body and creating spiritual awakening.

So, there’s so much that is possible when we are opening to boosting our libido and knowing that there is an energy there. It is a true energy that we can learn to work with. We all have access to this, even if we feel our libido is dormant, we can breathe life and aliveness back into the body.

20:02

Through sensual self-care, we can access all of these different planes, right? We work mentally, we work physically, we work energetically, and we take that time to honor and celebrate our sensuality and our sexuality exactly as it is. And also to learn to play, like what are the holistic sex tools that are available to me, and how can I use those to boost how I feel in my body and to feel good? And so, I gave you a lot of strategies today that you can go back and look at. Rewriting those stories, look at the mental things, physical things, what are the five senses things I can do to create a new environment as we move into spring. Finally, energetically, how can I make space for my sexual energy to thrive? What are some practices I can do, right?

If you want to learn more about that, then The Pleasure Foundation is for you! You can find more at www.amandatesta.com/tpf, and otherwise even if you're just listening to the podcast and you just want to dip your toe in, I assure you you can go to the show notes. I always put the show notes, and this episode is gonna be www.amandatesta.com/springclean, so that you can go to the show notes, and I have them transcribed every week for numerous reasons, but also so that you can use them as a resource, right?

21:13

If you aren't able to invest yet in coaching or more support, then I have 256 episodes of incredible content that you can go back to, and most all of them are transcribed so that you can get that goodness and digest it in a way that feels doable for you. I know, oftentimes, when you're listening to a podcast, you're multitasking. I know when I’m listening to a podcast, I’m walking my dog, I’m driving, cleaning the house, all those things. I get it. I get where you are now, and that’s okay.

I, first of all, want to thank you so much for listening and being here. I just can't even tell you how much it means to me that you are here with me and that you are listening and that you're finding value in some way, I sure hope, from these episodes, and I really do truly want to support because I do believe so fully that women-identifying humans, when we can connect to our wholeness, our sexuality is a huge part of that, and it helps us to just feel enough.

22:07

No matter what we’ve gone through in life, no matter how hard things are right now, when you can come back home to yourself and your body and to your pleasure, it’s just at our fingertips, often, right? It’s just connecting to those little things, some of the things I talked about today, that can connect us to our pleasure, it is transformational in how we move forward in our lives, how we approach the people we love, how our relationships play out, how we communicate with our partners, whether we lose it on the kids or not. I mean, it’s all so connected, and I find, for me, especially, it’s like these practices bring me back to my center, bring me back to what’s important, and the great things in my life. No matter how hard things can be some days, it’s like when I can come back to my pleasure, into this present moment, there is always possibility, right? There is always a new way forward.

22:58

As we move into this equinox energy and invite back in the light and this aliveness that is available to us right now, I’ll just invite you to really just take a moment and take a breath and just celebrate the fact that you are here, that you are breathing, that you are connecting to this podcast, that you are even connecting to me right now, that you can have this experience of connection even just through your ears.

I appreciate you so much for being here. Thank you again. If you want to connect more with me, I would love to have you in The Pleasure Foundation. Again, you can find more at www.amandatesta.com/tpf. I’m wishing you a beautiful spring. Welcome the light. Welcome, welcome all the goodness that is coming our way, honoring that creation ability in you as well. We can create what we want when we are allowing ourselves to truly access all that’s available to us. And so, I hope that you enjoyed this podcast, and I’m sending much love. We’ll see you very soon!

23:58

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Thank you for listening to the Find Your Feminine Fire podcast! If you loved this episode, please go ahead and forward it right now to someone who you know would love it, and if you’ve not yet had a chance to leave us a rave review on Apple Podcasts, please make sure you rate and review if you enjoyed the podcast as well as make sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. Thanks for listening, and we’ll see you next week!